South park isekais fanfics

 Teacher Cartman in The Quintessential Quintuplets

Okay, people. Okay, no one asked for it, no one wants it, but here we go. It was written by me, but I added some jokes that GTP Chat gave me.

It all starts one day in South Park.

Mr. Garrison's Office

(Mr. Garrison sits in his classroom teaching)

Mr. Garrison: (mumbling while touching his face) It's like my life was a mistake... You know, I confess I was sexually lost. Then I see this person on Oprah. She was a woman. But she had surgery and now she's a man. However, she's having a baby, which indicates she was always a woman. That means I'm still a man. I still feel like a man.

Butters. Is this going to be on the test?

Mr. Garrison: My sex change was a huge mistake. Yes, back then, that's what I thought I wanted.

Stan: Can you teach us now?

Mr. Garrison: And suddenly I visit the doctor and say, "Doctor, I want to become a man again," and he says, "That area has suffered so much damage, there's no going back. You'll have to find a functioning penis."

Mr. Garrison bursts into tears.

(Suddenly, the door opens and the principal enters with Mr. Mackey, their expressions serious.)

Principal: Mr. Garrison, we've discussed your situation and we cannot allow you to continue teaching. Your behavior is... (pause) inappropriate, and you are not qualified to teach.

Mr. Mackey: (adjusting his glasses) M-m-a lot of what's going on lately isn't appropriate, m-m-a lot of chaos, you know? It's safer if... well, if you take some time. We think it would be best if you didn't teach until you get your personal life in order. It's for your own good and the students', r-r-very good.

Mr. Garrison: (angrily) Oh, it's so easy for you, Mackey! You still have your penis!

Principal: (in a determined tone) I'm sorry, Mr. Garrison, but there's no other option. You can't keep teaching!

Mr. Garrison gets up from his chair, furious, and leaves the office.

(The principal is standing in front of the class. The students are all staring, confused, when she speaks.)

Principal: (looking at the group of students) Well, it seems we're in a bit of a pickle. Mr. Garrison isn't fit to continue as their teacher. I need someone who can get the class to review for tomorrow's test... Any volunteers?

Cartman: Me, me, me! I'll volunteer! Here, here.

Principal: (surprised but with no other option) Anyone else?

Cartman: Principal, me, please.

Principal: Maybe we have another volunteer?

Cartman: Principal Victoria

Principal: Fine, all right, Eric will take over the class.

Cartman: (smiling maliciously) Yes.

Principal: You just have to review what Mr. Garinson was teaching you.

Kyle: You're not the teacher!

Cartman: (raises his hand triumphantly, looking at the class) That's it! Mr. Cartman, for you! (grabbing a ruler and pointing it threateningly at Kyle) And don't you dare talk in class, Kyle! Don't make me use this thing!

(The students are visibly uncomfortable, but fear Cartman. The ruler is still pointed angrily at Kyle.)

Cartman: (in an authoritarian voice) Now everyone will shut up, or I'll take care of you, understood?

(Outside the school – Mr. Garrison watches the news at home.)

(Mr. Garrison sits in front of the television, watching the news, with a somber face.)

Newscast: (on the television) Breaking news! A renowned millionaire doctor from Japan, along with his five daughters, has decided to move to the small town of South Park.

(Mr. Garrison remains silent as he listens, clearly disturbed.)

Mr. Garrison: (thinking aloud) What the hell?! Five daughters?

Outside the school, in front of the vehicle of the five daughters from Japan.

Mr. Nakano: (with a big smile, while looking out over the city) Finally! After years of struggling in Japan, I have a job in America. This is a new beginning for all of us!

Ichika: (with a somewhat tired look) Dad, how nice that You got the job, but... there's something I don't understand! Why didn't we enroll in a school in Japan? We had everything there!

Mr. Nakano: (with a slightly more serious expression) Ichika, daughter, we already talked about this. We couldn't stay in Japan. It's time to adapt to new opportunities, don't you think? This is an excellent opportunity for you.

Nino: (with a somewhat arrogant tone) Hey, Dad, don't forget that we missed weeks of school because we moved. I don't want to go to a school where I'm put at the back of the line because of your "new opportunity." That's not fair!

Mr. Nakano: (turning to Nino with a hint of annoyance) That's precisely what I want to avoid! I don't want you to be left behind, do you hear me? That's why I'm going to do whatever it takes to make sure you don't lack anything! Yotsuba, stop distracting yourself and pay attention to me.

(Yotsuba, who is playing with a (ball, immediately stops playing upon hearing his name.)

Yotsuba: Oops! Sorry, Dad! I was thinking about how  Meet new people and make friends! It'll be great to be in a new school!

Mr. Nakano: (Frowning) You won't gain anything if you continue with your irresponsible behavior! At your last school, you almost failed because you focused only on the sports club. What matters most to you isn't your studies! If you don't focus more, it could be too late for you!

(The five daughters fall silent as Mr. Nakano takes a deep breath to calm himself.)

Mr. Nakano: (Sighing deeply) I'm doing my best to prepare them for anything. As the best father I can be... (Thoughtfully) But this isn't enough. If my daughters are going to have a bright future in this country, I need the best for them. So... I'm going to hire the best teacher.

(With a determined look, Mr. Nakano explains that he's going to find the best tutor in town for his daughters.)

Ichika: (looking at her father across the table) So... you're hiring a private tutor? Someone very important?

Mr. Nakano: Exactly! If you guys have to adapt quickly to this system, then we're going to do it with the best education possible. And I don't care what it costs.

At South Park Elementary, Cartman in the principal's office

Cartman is in the principal's office, surrounded by the principal, Mr. Mackey, Dr. Nanako, and his driver, who are all looking at him expectantly.

Principal: (in a clear voice) Eric, we want to praise you for being a student teacher.

Cartman: Hey, don't praise me, it's those idiot students' fault.

Mr. Mackey: The praise is for doing a good job, Eric.

Principal: By reviewing the exam with the class, your students got better grades than ever. I don't know what you did, but it worked.

Cartman: OH, thank you very much. I think strict discipline and compassion for the students is the key.

Principal: (in a friendly, but firm tone) Exactly, Cartman. That's why Dr. Nakano, a Japanese millionaire, is looking for a tutor for his daughters. He's heard about your excellent work and is considering hiring you to give them private lessons.

Cartman: (with a surprised expression, but quickly recovering his composure) A Japanese millionaire, huh? (pause) That sounds... interesting! How much are they going to pay? Because if the offer is good enough, I can even tutor a group of dinosaurs if necessary.

Principal: (laughing lightly) Well, it seems there's a considerable budget for this job. Dr. Nakano wants his daughters to have the highest level of education and is willing to pay well for it. So, I think this is an excellent opportunity for you, Cartman.

(Cartman smiles with satisfaction as the principal walks away to continue her duties.)

Cartman: (thinking to himself) They're giving me the chance to impress Japanese girls! How much are they going to pay?

Getting off the South Park Elementary bus - Cartman bragging to his friends

Cartman: $300! Did you hear what I said? My genius teaching techniques will make me $300 richer.

Kyle: You're not a great teacher.

Cartman: The entire class got the best grade ever.

Kyle: (angry) We got that grade because we stole the answer keys.

Cartman: Yeah, but whose idea was it?

Kyle: Kenny's

Kenny: Yeah, it was my idea

Cartman: (with a sly grin) Yeah, but I'm still going to teach Japanese girls!

Kyle: (annoyed) Do you know what those Japanese girls are going to do to you, Cartman? A little kid like you, Japanese girls from the country where they build computers at school. They're going to

Cartman: (laughing arrogantly) ! I'm not afraid of girls. I'm going to be rich, and you guys are still going to be losers! Wait till you see me become the best teacher ever!

(Cartman stands still, as the other children walk away)

Cartman reflects that he would be humiliated by some Japanese girls if he presented himself as a normal boy: Kyle's right, I'll take care of my appearance.

(Cartman is in his room, in front of a mirror, as he takes a razor and begins to shave his head. His reflection shows a more serious and older Cartman.)

(He finishes shaving, puts on a black suit he finds in his closet, and straightens his tie. He looks at himself in the mirror, satisfied with the result.)

Cartman: (smiling maliciously) There he is! Professor Cartman is the greatest teacher of all. Everyone will adore me, and those Japanese girls won't know what hit them.

(Cartman walks down the street, swaggering, as he approaches the building where the Nakano family lives. On the sidewalk, the Nakano quintuplets are walking home, joking around. Nino calls Itsuki the "meat bun monster" while Miku watches, and Cartman approaches without the girls noticing at first.)

Nino: (joking) You're going to eat so many meat buns, Itsuki, you're going to be the Meat Bun Monster!

Itsuki: (annoyed) I'm not a monster! Ruo, Nino!

(Suddenly, Miku notices Cartman approaching and looks at him. The Nakanos walk home, Miku noticing that the guy was walking in the same direction as them. As Cartman continues walking, upon reaching the building where they live, Nino abruptly turns to look at Cartman)

Nino: (suddenly interrupting Miku) Hey, you... Are you a stalker? If you want something, you can tell me.

Cartman: (smiling arrogantly) They don't call me that! I'm Professor Cartman, who do you think you are?

Nino: (looking at Cartman suspiciously) Really? Are you a teacher?

Cartman: (defending himself) Yeah, right, I work here. It's my first day, and you better remember that!

(The girls look at him in confusion, while Cartman looks at the Nakano Building and is impressed by how luxurious it looks.)

Cartman: (thinking to himself) Wow, they're rich!

Nino: (in a defiant tone) Well, just because you're a "teacher" doesn't mean you have to hang around here, right?

Cartman: (in a calm, but arrogant tone) You'll see.

(Cartman notices that the building's doors open with a card, so he decides to wait for the girls to enter.)

Cartman: (thinking) Hmm... This building has a lot of money, huh? Well, I shouldn't be surprised if a lot of Japanese people live here. Those two Japanese women had the same face. I hope it doesn't happen to my students.

(The quintuplets arrive, Ichika and Yotsuba approach, and Cartman takes the opportunity to enter with them. He gets into the elevator with the girls, while they watch Cartman curiously.)

Cartman: (looking at the girls, trying to hide his confusion. Cartman was seeing five identical Japanese girls, barely distinguishable by their accessories) Excuse me, what floor are you going to?

Yotsuba: (smiling) We're going to the 30th. It's where we live.

Cartman: (surprised) Wow, that's funny! Well, I go to the 30th too.

Miku: (smiling, but somewhat intrigued) And what brings you here, Professor Cartman?

Cartman: (confidently) Well, I'm here to give private lessons to two Japanese girls.

Yotsuba: (laughing innocently) That's funny! We're waiting for our... prof... s... sr. (stutters a little)

(The quintuplets look at him, all with slightly confused expressions. Cartman, however, seems uncomfortable seeing the similar faces among them all.)

Cartman: (thinking to himself) What's the chance of other Japanese girls in Southpark? Damn! They're all the same. How am I supposed to tell them apart? It's like I have the same face, like they're... (pauses and, resignedly) Fine, I think I'm going to teach two of you.

Itsuki: (interrupting) We're quintuplets. It's normal that you can't tell us apart.

Cartman: (not wanting to back down) Oh, right, quintuplets, that... would explain everything.

Cartman: (relieved, thinks to himself) Ah, that's great. I thought I was the one being racist. Honestly, they're all the same!

(At that moment, the girls realize Cartman is the supposed "teacher" who was going to teach them. Nino recalls their previous encounter and feels a little awkward for having called him a stalker.)

Itsuki: (looking at the elevator in surprise) Wait, is this the teacher?

(At that moment, the elevator stops at number 30)

Ichika: (somewhat surprised) I can't believe it's like that...

(Cartman exits the elevator with a confident smile, as the quintuplets follow him to the door of their apartment.)

Cartman: (thinking aloud) Am I really these girls' teacher? I can't believe it... but I'm ready to be their best teacher!

In the Nakano Apartment Living Room

(Cartman looks around the room as the girls settle in. The atmosphere is a bit awkward at first. Cartman gestures for them to sit, but only Yotsuba, Miku, and Itsuki stay.)

(He feels a little relieved to know he's being honest with himself. However, his confusion remains.)

Cartman: (smiling) Okay, girls, let's get serious. I'm Eric Cartman, and I'm here to teach you everything you need to know to get through college. (puts on a professional tone, but maintains his arrogant attitude)

Itsuki: (hesitantly) Shouldn't we wait for the others?

Cartman: (shrugging) We should, but... (pauses) they don't seem to want to learn. And I was paid to tutor some Japanese girls. Japanese? Plural. So, two. And here I see... three. No problem, right?

(Cartman takes some papers out of his briefcase and distributes them among the girls.)

Cartman: (giving the papers) Take one of these papers and pass it to the partner behind you.

(Yotsuba passes the paper to Itsuki, who then passes it to Miku. As the girls pass the papers, Yotsuba begins to speak.)

Yotsuba: (smiling) Itsuki is very responsible, she always does everything right. And Miku, she's the smartest of all of us.

Cartman: (thinking) Hmm... intelligence... I like that.

Cartman: (continuing with his serious tone) Well, I'm here to make sure everyone goes to college.

Itsuki: (with a confused expression) College?

Yotsuba: (nodding) Yeah, Ichika wants to be an actress. Well, she's already working as an actress.

(Cartman is shocked for a moment, looking at the girls, but quickly recovers.)

Cartman: (speaking to his students) You guys think you won't go to college because you haven't been properly educated... you don't even know how to cheat. White people always come out on top! Because we always... I mean, we always cheat.

Cartman: Bill Heliying won three championships. He cheated. He got caught cheating, and nobody cared. And guess what? He got applauded! That's what happens when you know how to do things right.

Yotsuba: (confused) Cheat?

Itsuki: (seriously) Cheating is bad, right?

Miku: (looking at Cartman) I don't want to be a cheater.

Cartman: (smiling) If you cheat and fail, you're a cheater. If you succeed, you're agile. See how this works?

Yotsuba: (firmly) No, I refuse to let a teacher teach me how to be academically dishonest.

Cartman: (surprised by Yotsuba's attitude) Well, what about the others? What if the other girls are smarter than you?

Well, there's the door. Bye. We're going to miss you a lot.

(Yotsuba leaves the apartment, while Itsuki and Miku stare at Cartman, somewhat surprised.)

Cartman: (thinking quietly) How do I reach these girls?

On the building's basketball court]

(Cartman goes outside and notices Yotsuba playing basketball alone on the building's court. She enthusiastically dribbles the ball as Cartman approaches.)

Cartman: Good technique, Yotsuba, how about a little game? Just you and me.

(Yotsuba, seeing Cartman approaching, watches him for a moment)

Yotsuba: It was me who left your tutoring, sensei. I'm not going to cheat.

Cartman: Who wants to argue on such a nice day? Hey, janitor. Can you score the points?

Janitor: Of course.

Cartman: You start on defense.

(They start the game. Cartman, with a barbell in hand, without warning, hits Yotsuba in the leg with the barbell. She takes the ball and scores.)

Cartman: It's one to zero!

Yotsuba: (screaming in pain) Ouch! That hurts, and it's cheating!

(Cartman, without missing a beat, shoots a hoop with the ball while Yotsuba grabs her leg.)

Cartman: And a point for me! Your turn.

(Cartman hits Yotsuba in the leg with the barbell again.)

Cartman: I scored again!

Yotsuba: (annoyed) That's cheating, Sensei!

Cartman: (smirks) Look at the scoreboard, Yotsuba. It doesn't matter how many times I cheat. The scoreboard says 3-0.

Yotsuba: (looking at the scoreboard, doubtful) Yeah, but...

Cartman: 3-0, Yotsuba! No matter how many times I cheated, the scoreboard says 3-0!

Yotsuba: (annoyed) That's not fair! I'm leaving!

(Yotsuba walks off the court, limping.)

Cartman: Three to zero, Yotsuba! Three to zero, Yotsuba!

(Cartman watches Yotsuba walk away, and when he sees her walk away, he lets out a sigh.)

Cartman: (thinking to himself) Ash... how did I get to these girls?

At the Nakano Apartment

(Cartman enters the building and runs into Nino, who has come out of her room.)

Nino: (smiling) Hey, sensei, you're here. Wouldn't you like to stay for a snack?

Cartman: (with a greedy face) Sure, cookies. (He makes himself comfortable and sits at the table, preparing to eat everything there is.)

(While Cartman eats, Nino watches, somewhat thoughtfully.)

Nino: (looking at Cartman with a serious expression) We don't really need a private tutor.

Cartman: (chewing with his mouth full) I know, girls. But you need to go through this. I'm not going to teach you like others... I'm going to tell you how to pass the test without studying.

(Nino is silent for a moment, surprised by Cartman's audacity. Suddenly, a look of bewilderment crosses her face as she sees Cartman about to drink a glass of water he had left on the table.)

Nino: (quickly standing up) No! Instead, have some orange juice.

Cartman: (looking at the glass of water, confused) Orange juice? Why?

Nino: (seriously) Because... it's not a good time for water. It would be bad for you.

(Cartman looks at the orange juice suspiciously, but decides to ignore the warning and takes the glass of juice instead.)

Cartman: (thinking while drinking the juice) These girls... they're definitely playing me. But it doesn't matter, I'm going to beat them anyway.

(Cartman leans back in his chair, enjoying his "snack" and maintaining a confident expression as Nino watches with interest.)

During the First Weeks of School

(The first few weeks of school with Cartman as his tutor are marked by constant culture clashes between him and the Nakano Quintuplets. Cartman, in his quirky style, appears completely indifferent to the differences.  (cultural and social, while the girls, although somewhat confused, try to adapt.)

Cartman: (in a superior tone) Today we're going to talk about a fundamental way to cheat. This will help you a lot on the test. The trick is to have relevant material before the test. It's like when a coach wants to win a game; he records videos of the opposing team's defense. See?

(The girls look at him, confused, but Cartman continues as if nothing happened.)

Cartman: (pointing at the board) Let's pretend the opposing team's defense is the test. When you have the test, you have to take video of the defense. Imagine what the test is before you take it, and that way you can beat the system!

(The Quintuplets, surprised and somewhat perplexed by what they're hearing, aren't entirely sure whether Cartman is serious or not. At that moment, they hear the door open. Yotsuba appears in the doorway.)

Yotsuba: (with a radiant smile) Hello! May I join you in the class?

Cartman: (with a sarcastic tone) Sit down, Yotsuba! It's good to have you back.

(Yotsuba smiles innocently as she sits down.)

Cartman: (regaining his composure) Okay, let's get back to class! Like I was saying, when you get caught cheating, you always have to say the same thing: "I misinterpreted the rules." That's what you have to repeat, and no one can touch you!

(The girls, somewhat stunned, nod, though they're clearly unsure if this is all a joke.)

Cartman: (raising his voice) Repeat after me! I MISUNDERSTOOD THE RULES!

(The Quintuplets, although uncertain, follow him.)

All: (in unison) I MISUNDERSTOOD THE RULES!

Cartman: (in a louder tone) I MISUNDERSTOOD THE RULES!

All: (in a nervous tone) I MISUNDERSTOOD THE RULES!

(Cartman smirks, not noticing the girls' discomfort.)

Cartman: (energetically) That's it, girls! Repeat it like a mantra. I MISUNDERSTOOD THE RULES! I MISUNDERSTOOD THE RULES!

(As Cartman repeats the phrase, the Quintuplets, a little lost, continue repeating the phrase, feeling uncomfortable with Cartman's dismissive attitude.)

Cartman: (now in a "coach" tone) And now, as white people, you must repeat it too. Don't be shy, say it together!

All: (in a slightly more forced tone) I MISINTERPRETED THE RULES!

Cartman: (smiling with self-satisfaction) There it is! That's what will make you succeed. Always remember, the key is to misinterpret the rules!

(Cartman, as if everything is under control, settles back in his chair and takes a sip of water,)

Cartman: (thinking to himself as he looks at the girls' confused faces) Ash... how did I get these girls?

Mr Garrison in combatants will be dispatched!

 In the Spanish poll I conducted, Mr. Garrison in Combatants Will Be Dispatched was ranked second after Uncle Isekai in Konosuba!

(Mr. Garrison sits in front of the television, watching the news, his face grim.)

Newscast: (on television) Breaking news! A renowned millionaire doctor from Japan, along with his five daughters, has decided to move to the small town of South Park.

(Mr. Garrison remains silent as he listens, clearly disturbed.)

Mr. Garrison: (thinking aloud) What the hell?! Five daughters?

And in other news, the Japanese Biological Company, Kisaragi, is under investigation for genetically grafting human DNA into laboratory rats here in South Park. This photo of a rat

Newscast: This photo of a rat genetically altered to grow a human ear has sparked a wave of protest.

Mr. Garrison: What?

Newscast: But scientists say it can help thousands of disfigured people who need ears or noses.

Mr. Garrison: Don't fuck with me.

(In the Kisargi lab at Southpark headquarters. In the center of the room, Mr. Garrison enters.)

Doctor 1: Using common genetics and cartilage, we can graft almost any limb onto a rat and let it develop. As you saw on TV, once the ear forms, it can be transplanted onto another person.

Mr. Garrison: Doctor, if I give you some of my DNA, can you grow a penis on a rat for me?

Doctor 1: You don't understand. This is too expensive to test with appendages other than ears and noses. There's no guarantee it'll work.

Mr. Garrison: I'll give you all my money if you just try, please, doctor. I'm a man with a severed limb, trapped in a woman's body.

Doctor 1: I'll see what I can do.

Months later

Mr. Garrison returns to the lab. A cage contains a tiny mouse with a humanoid appendage growing from its back. Mr. Garrison enters, noting with interest the success of his funding.

Doctor 1: I think you'll be pleased with the results, Mrs. Garrison. Your DNA was successfully reproduced.

Mr. Garrison: (Muttering)

"Wow, that looks good... Finally, something that might fix the mess I made of my body."

(The lead scientist nods proudly, displaying a sinister smile.)

Scientist:

"The graft is ready, Ms. Garrison. After this procedure, you'll be a man again."

Mr. Garrison:

(Excited)

"I can finally regain my dignity. No more regrets, no more humiliation."

**South Park Elementary School**

Principal: Students and faculty, please give a round of applause and a warm welcome for Mr. Garrison.

Mr. Garrison:

Thank you very much. It's good to be back. I'm a man again, thanks to my special new friend. Wait... This all feels very quiet. "Something feels dead around here."

The principal would signal for Mr. Garrison to be quiet, showing him a photo in the newspaper.

Newspaper headline:

"Tragedy at elementary school! Three students lose their lives in an accident."

Mr. Garrison:

(Surprised and confused)

"Cartman, Kyle, and Kenny are dead? LOL!! This is unbelievable. This day just keeps getting better."

in the cemetery. Garrison is dancing on the children's graves, singing a modified version of "Ding-Dong! The Witch Is Dead" while holding a martini.)

Mr. Garrison:

(Singing)

"Ding-dong, the annoying kids are dead... Finally, peace in my classroom."

(As he basks in his small moment of joy, two figures in black suits approach him. One of them shows him an insignia with a futuristic logo: Kisaragi Corporation.)

Agent 1:

"Mr. Herbert Garrison? We're from the Kisaragi Corporation. We've been monitoring your recent investment in the genetic mouse. I must say it was a complete success."

Mr. Garrison:

(Nonchalantly)

"Well, thanks, but I'm enjoying my moment now. Come back later."

Agent 2:

(Smiling sinisterly)

"We didn't come to congratulate you. We came to recruit you. The Kisaragi Corporation has big plans, and we believe you're key to them, having shown complete compatibility with your cloned and enhanced appendage."

Mr. Garrison:

(Sarcastically)

"Me? Please! I'm an electronics engineer and I work as an elementary school teacher."

Agent 1:

"Don't worry. You won't be doing the experiments, nor will you be funding them. You will be the experiment."

(Garrison backs away, alarmed, as the agents surround him.)

Mr. Garrison:

(Angrily)

"Oh, no! What do you think I am, a guinea pig?"

Agent 2:

"Your funding of Penis Creation was just the beginning. It opened Kisaragi's eyes to 'upgrades' to something... more ambitious."

Kisaragi Corporation Lab

(Garrison wakes up strapped to an operating table, surrounded by futuristic machinery. In front of him, a screen displays a three-dimensional model of his body, with planetary modifications.  (Adas.)

Kisaragi Scientist Lilith:

"Welcome to the future, Mr. Garrison. I'm Lilith, Kisaragi's executive and its chief scientist. Soon, you'll be the super mutant you always wanted to be, even if you didn't know it."

Mr. Garrison:

(Sarcastically)

"Oh, great! Because I always wanted to be some kind of Frankenstein's monster with better reflexes."

(Lilith's winged scientist leans toward him with a disturbing smile.)

Kisaragi Scientist:

"Trust us. This will be... revolutionary."

Lilith: This will be the birth of our first mutant, Mouse-Man.

After the operation, Mr. Garrison sits on a stretcher, covered in scars, but with a renewed and confident posture. The Kisaragi Corporation scientists watch with a mixture of pride and apprehension.

Scientist 1: (enthusiastically) It's a resounding success! The subject has reached 150% of his previous physical capacity.

Scientist 2: And his neurocybernetic implants are perfectly integrated. I believe the mouse-man is ready for his first mission.

Mr. Garrison: (rising from the gurney, inspecting his arms) Well, well, look at this! Finally, I have the body I always wanted. Strong, agile, and with a limb I can show off! Thank you, science and corporate capitalism!

Scientist 1: (with a nervous smile) We're glad you're satisfied, sir. Now, the Kisaragi Corporation has big plans for you.

Mr. Garrison: (crossing his arms) What kind of plans? If it's about ruining the lives of hippies, communists, and those stupid PTAs, I'm in!

Scientist 2: (handing him a holographic device) Right in your area of ​​expertise. This is your first mission: infiltrate the government of the Green Chair Republic, a country that's obstructing our global operations.

Mr. Garrison: (looking at the information on the hologram) The "Green Chair"? Those organic coffee pacifists? Of course I hate them! Always signing petitions for things like "ban hamburger meat" and "promote mandatory yoga." Enough of that nonsense!

[Mr. Garrison, dressed in a fluorescent black Kisaragi tactical suit, walks through the streets of a bright, minimalist city. Beside him, a Kisaragi agent gives him instructions.]

Kisaragi Agent: Your task is simple, Mr. Garrison. Destabilize the government by infiltrating its communications networks and sabotaging its electrical infrastructure.

Mr. Garrison: (laughing) Easy peasy! They don't even need my new muscles for that. Just give me access to their servers, and I'll ruin their group meditations in less than 24 hours.

Kisaragi Agent: After that, you'll lead a small army to take control of the presidential palace.

Mr. Garrison: (excited) An army, you say! Finally, someone who appreciates my natural leadership!

[Hours later, at the presidential palace. Mr. Garrison, now armed with a rocket launcher and surrounded by Kisaragi soldiers, confronts the Green Chair President]

President: Violence is not the way, my friend. There's always room for dialogue.

Mr. Garrison: (sarcastic) Oh, right! Let's have a "dialogue" about why your country is still so boring. How can you be president of a place that prohibits beer parties?

President: (sighs) Maybe you should think about why you're so angry.

Mr. Garrison: (laughs as he loads the rocket launcher) Oh, I've thought about it. I've thought about how I hate your face. Goodbye, hippie!

We're at a broadcast celebrating the "liberation" of the Green Chair from the Kisaragi Corporation.

Executive: Excellent work, mouse man. Thanks to you, we have full access to the Green Chair's resources.

Mr. Garrison: (proudly) Well, I don't want to brag... but of course I do! Finally, I'm doing something that makes sense in this crazy world.

Executive: (with an enigmatic smile) And we're just getting started. Soon you'll have more missions, more enemies to crush... and more power.

Mr. Garrison: (laughing) Bring them on! If I can squash more idiots and help the corporation rid the world of ideologies I don't like, I will.

So we find Mr. Garrison leading coups, destroying symbolic monuments, and eliminating rival leaders, all with a wicked grin.

Mr. Garrison: (glancing sideways) Hey, Stuffed Tiger, do you always make all that noise before a fight?

Tiger Man: (still stretching) Nyaa~ Mr. Garrison, this isn't noise, it's the warm-up of an elite warrior. A body like this doesn't stand on its own! ... nyaa.

Mr. Garrison: (raising an eyebrow) What the heck is that? nyaa?

Tiger Man: (laughing) Oh, you don't understand! Young girls adore adorable felines like me, that's why I say nyaa. But my true dream... (looks at the horizon dramatically) is to be one of them someday. Nyaa~

Mr. Garrison: (horrified) What? What the hell? Are you talking about?

Tiger Man: (with a dreamy smile) I want Lilith to turn me into a little girl. It would be perfect. I could play in parks, wear pretty dresses, and... (sighs) experience the innocence of childhood again. Nyaa!

Mr. Garrison: (covering his face with his hand) I was once a woman, and I don't recommend it. Besides, you're never really a woman; you're just a man with a mutilated penis. And to be little, they'd have to remove bones. In short, that wouldn't be real.

Tiger Man: Don't say that, Mouse Man! Nyaa! Kisaragi's experiments are based on research so that I don't look like, but BE, you and your penis. Nyaa!

Mr. Garrison: (huffing) Well, I warned you!

Tiger Man: (screaming while roaring) Here comes Tiger Man, the child lover! Nyaa!

Mr. Garrison: (whispering) This guy's a psychopath. But you know what? I like him.

Astaroth: (crossing his arms) It's official. The Earth is ours.

Lilith: (adjusting her glasses) Except for that island... but, honestly, sending Tiger Man will do the trick. I'd rather focus on the next step.

Astaroth: (smiling) Interstellar conquest.

Mr. Garrison: (entering the room, covered in dirt and blood) What's going on here? Are you done playing with the planet?

Lilith: Exactly, Mouseman. Now we seek to expand to other worlds. There's a universe full of civilizations waiting to be subjugated.

Astaroth: (pointing to the machine) Welcome, Mr. Garrison. Allow me to introduce you to the masterpiece of our interstellar conquest: the Kisaragi Teleportation Machine, designed and perfected by our brilliant executive, Lilith.

Lilith: (, proud) That's right. This machine can send our agents to any planet within our exploration range. So far, the success rate is 100%.

Mr. Garrison: (looking at the machine suspiciously) 100% success, huh? That sounds too good to be true. How many trips has this thing made?

Lilith: (with a evasive smile) Oh, enough to confirm its effectiveness.

Mr. Garrison: (raising an eyebrow) That doesn't answer my question. How many?

Lilith: (quickly changing the subject) Look! Here's your equipment for the mission.

Lilith: This is Mr. Hat. He's a robot assistant who will help you integrate into the world you're being sent to. When you manipulate it, it'll look like a ventriloquist's puppet. This way, it won't arouse suspicion.

Mr. Garrison: (looking at the stuffed animal in disbelief) Mr. Hat? Really? How did they do it? That's something he abandoned years ago.

Mr. Hat: Hello, Mouse Man! I'm here to help you and record everything. Every bad action you do will be rewarded with bad points that you can then exchange for useful tools and resources!

Mr. Garrison: (looking at Lilith) What the heck does "bad points" mean?

Lilith: (smiling) Oh, yeah. As a preventative measure, we implanted a chip in your head. Every time you perform a... questionable action, you'll earn bad points. These points can be used to redeem gear during the mission. It's an efficient way to motivate you.

Mr. Garrison: (sarcastic) Oh, great. They've had access to my memories this whole time. Why am I not surprised?

Astaroth: (laughing softly) Calm down, Mouse Man. This is for your own good. Now, put on this bracelet. It contains a mini-teleporter that you can use to trade whatever you need for bad points.

Mr. Garrison: (muttering) This is ridiculous.

Astaroth: (seriously) Good luck, Mouse Man. Remember: your mission is to establish a base and assess the planet's potential for our conquest.

Lilith: (smiling) And don't forget: Mr. Hat is here to guide you. Trust him.

Mr. Garrison: (mumbling) Sure, trust the talking stuffed animal. Great plan.

Mr. Hat: (cheerfully) Here we go, buddy!

Mr. Garrison: (shouting) What the hell?! Why am I falling?!

Mr. Hat: (calmly) Calm down, Mr. Garrison. You can use your accumulated bad points to redeem a parachute. Just order it and I'll ask headquarters.

Mr. Garrison: (angrily) Give me a parachute, dammit!

Mr. Garrison would land safely in the desert, noticing a city in the distance. Understanding that he would have to go there. However, on his way, he would see some kind of alien dogs.

Mr. Garrison: (backing away) Oh, no, no, no! I don't have any weapons!

Mr. Hat: (excited) Don't worry, Mouse Man! Use your bad points to redeem a shotgun. Just ask me.

Mr. Garrison: (shouting) Give me a shotgun, quick!

A shotgun would appear from the sky.

Mr. Garrison: (shooting) What kind of place is this?! Damn corporation and its brilliant ideas!

Mr. Hat: (laughing) Good luck, Mouse Man! Remember to accumulate bad points to survive!

Mr. Garrison: Don't call me Mouse Man, call me Mr. Garrison.

[Mr. Garrison breathes heavily after shooting the alien dogs. Lands. The sand is littered with gunshot wounds, alien blood, and shiny shell casings. Just as he begins to complain, the sound of hooves echoes in the distance. A figure riding a white unicorn appears from the dunes.

Mr. Garrison: (wiping sweat) What is it now? Another monster? A mutant camel? I'm out of ammo for this!

Mr. Hat: (excited) Easy, man... I mean... Mr. Garrison. It appears to be a woman riding a... unicorn. Fascinating. Though statistically unlikely.

[The figure approaches and reveals itself to be a tall, beautiful woman with silvery-white hair. She wears shiny armor and carries a sword at her waist. Her bearing is imposing, though her expression is kind. She speaks a language Mr. Garrison doesn't understand.]

Woman: (in an unknown language) "Fralujié agden vánter?"

Mr. Garrison: (looking at her in puzzlement) What? What are you saying? I don't recognize that language from any country on Earth.

Mr. Hat: Let me handle this, Mr. Garrison. Analyzing the language...

[Mr. Hat makes a low hum as he processes the woman's language.]

Mr. Hat: (after a moment) Done! Transferring the grammar and pronunciation rules to the chip in your head.

Mr. Garrison: What does "weird" mean?! Don't touch my brain!

Woman: (now understandable) "And they're not carrying anything that looks like a weapon."

Mr. Hat: (quickly intervening) Greetings, noble lady! This man is a political exile from his country. He's come here seeking a new life. He's a ventriloquist, hence he can speak through me, his dummy.

Mr. Garrison: (in English) Ventriloquist? Really?

Mr. Hat: (in English) Go with the flow! It's the best way not to arouse suspicion.

Woman: What's that strange language?

Mr. Hat: Don't mind it. Sometimes he's shy, and I must speak it so he'll be more expressive in his native language.

Woman: (smiling) "I understand. I am Snow, captain of the royal knights of the Grace Kingdom. You have performed a great feat in defeating the Heggs of the desert. Your weapon is... strange, but effective. Please accompany me to the kingdom." Maybe we can help you start your new life."

Mr. Garrison: (shrugging) Well, I suppose I should thank you, Captain "Snow."

[The group enters the kingdom, a place surrounded by high walls but clearly in decay. The guards are old men, and the air is dry and heavy. As they walk, Mr. Garrison stops when he sees a rusty war tank in the middle of the plaza.]

Mr. Garrison: (pointing at the tank) What is this? Where did you get that tank?

Snow: (looking at the tank) "Tank? You mean that ancient machine?" It's been here for generations, but no one knows how it works."

Mr. Hat: A war tank! This requires investigation.

[The group continues to the castle, where Princess Cristoseles Tillis Grace greets them.

Princess Tillis: Good work, Snow. Welcome to Grace, traveler. My Captain Snow has informed me of your arrival and your feat in defeating the Desert Heggs. What is your purpose here?]

Mr. Hat: "Your Highness, this man is seeking an opportunity to rebuild his life. He is an experienced guerrilla fighter and a master ventriloquist. With his talent and my... charm, he could be a great addition to your kingdom."

Princess Tillis: (laughing) "What a peculiar doll. I like his attitude. Very well, we will accept your services, traveler. But you should know that our kingdom is in crisis. Since the Demon Lord's attack, his lands have become a desert. We need all the help we can get."

Mr. Garrison: (sighing) I understand.

[Snow guides Mr. Garrison through the city to a huge rusty machine with pipes extending into a dry well.]

Snow: "This is our rain-making machine. It broke down years ago, and no one has been able to fix it since."

Mr. Hat: (analyzing the machine) "Ah, ancient technology! Let me handle this."

[Mr. Garrison places his hand, with Mr. Hat, on the machinery. The lights flicker, and Mr. Hat begins to repair the machine, emitting whirring sounds and sparks.]

Snow: (surprised) "What are you doing? Are you... fixing it?"

Mr. Garrison: (sarcastic) Yes, I think so.

Snow: Yes...

[The machine starts up, emitting a deep sound that indicates it is starting to reboot, and requests a password.]

Machine voice: "Please register a new password to begin the operation."

Mr. Hat: (to Garrison) "Come on, choose something simple."

Snow, overjoyed, would run to let everyone know the machine was working, hoping to share the glory.

Mr. Garrison: Good... Password: "HatIsAGenius123."

Screen: "Password accepted. Operating system activated."

Snow: (admiringly) "It's a miracle. You did it, traveler."

Mr. Garrison: Although it was Mr. Hat who did it all.

Rain falls as the crowd celebrates. At the castle, Mr. Garrison, Snow, and Mr. Hat are led into the throne room, where the King of Grace, an older man with a bushy beard and a slightly crooked crown, watches curiously from his throne. Princess Tillis stands beside him, a mixture of pride and suspicion on her face.

King of Grace: (in a deep voice) "Snow, I must congratulate you on bringing this... peculiar individual into our kingdom. Under other circumstances, a captain who brings in a foreigner without first consulting would be under judgment."

[Snow tilts her head, slightly nervous.]

Snow: My King, I understand, but this man and his... puppet have accomplished the impossible. They have repaired our water-generating machine in a matter of minutes."

King of Grace: (looking at Mr. Garrison) "And that is why I am willing to forgive any irregularities in your arrival. Stranger, you have proven yourself useful to our kingdom in a time of great need." As a reward, I grant you a position in the militia as a commander. You may form your own squad, choosing from among our soldiers whomever you wish for your missions."

Mr. Garrison: (raising an eyebrow) My own squad? I didn't expect to become a military leader so quickly, but I'll accept.

Mr. Hat: (excited) "Perfect! A chance to demonstrate our leadership. This will be fun."

[The King nods.]

King of Grace: "Snow, well done. But remember, this is an exception. Don't let your judgment be clouded by personal emotions in the future."

Snow: (nodding) "Yes, Your Majesty."

[Later, Princess Tillis leads Mr. Garrison and Mr. Hat to a ruined library within the castle. A huge map is spread out on a table. The princess points to the areas marked in red and blue.]

Princess Tillis: "Our land, the Land of Sand, Grace, is currently at war with the Demon Kingdom to the north. But something has recently emerged that will give us victory."

Mr. Garrison: (crossing his arms) Let me guess... Is your younger brother the typical 'chosen by destiny' who's going to save everyone with a magic sword and the power of friendship?"

Princess Tillis: (blinking in surprise) "How do you know?"

Mr. Garrison: (rolling his eyes) "How could I not know? This is the biggest cliché I've ever seen. A medieval world, The Chosen One, a kingdom in danger, a war against demons. I bet there are dragons here too.

Mr. Hat: "To be fair, the narrative has its charm. But... how do we fit into all this?"

Princess Tillis: (seriously) "My brother is our symbol of hope, but we also need individual strength on the battlefield. If you prove yourself useful, perhaps you'll play an important role in this war."

[Mr. Garrison arrives at the kingdom's military headquarters. A group of enthusiastic young female soldiers, along with weary veterans, are standing in formation. An officer hands Garrison a stack of resumes of available soldiers.]

Mr. Garrison: (flicking through the scrolls) This is like reviewing resumes for a job interview. And I can only choose up to 4.

[Mr. Hat scans the scrolls quickly.]

Mr. Hat: "Most of these candidates seem... unimpressive. Inexperienced young women or men too old to carry a sword. Oh, wait... This one."

[Mr. Hat points to a scroll

Mr. Garrison: (reading) "Alexandrite Galvenier. Title: God of War. Abilities: Spearman, sharp reflexes, poison resistance. Age... well, he's old now." But it looks interesting."

Mr. Garrison: "Well, I'm bored of looking. Alexandrite. Come here, please."

Alexandrite approaches. Seeing Mr. Hat, he smiles like an excited grandfather.

Alexandrite: (laughing) "Oh, what a nice doll you have there! Does it talk? Let me see it!"

Mr. Garrison: (annoyed) "Don't touch it, old man."

[Alexandrite ignores Garrison and picks up Mr. Hat, examining him as if he were a toy.]

Alexandrite: "Wow! I've never seen anything so strange. Do you move on your own?"

Mr. Hat: (laughing nervously) "Well, I'm more than just a doll, sir."

Alexandrite: "It talks! What fun sorcery!"

[Meanwhile, Alexandrite slides a hand into Garrison's pocket and takes a coin.]

Mr. Garrison: (noticing the missing coin) "Hey, give me that! You're the guy with the most missions completed, and you steal like a market thief.]

Alexandrite: (laughing) So what do you want from an old man like me?"

Mr. Hat: "We want you to be part of our squad. We need your experience."

Alexandrite: (smiling slyly) "My experience? I haven't fought seriously in years. But if you insist... I guess I can show those youngsters how it's done."

Mr. Garrison: (sighing) "Perfect. A crazy old man with a stick is the best soldier in this country. I think this old man alone makes up my unit."

The team would meet at the

Mr. Garrison: (sign)(laughing) "Okay, according to this, a supply caravan will arrive at the demon camp in three days. Our mission is simple: disrupt that supply. Without food or reinforcements, they'll have to retreat or surrender."

Mr. Hat: (thinking) "Although simple in theory, the other units have stupidly gone to fight the enemy head-on, and the camp has two of the Demon Lord's four Selectmen.

Mr. Garrison: (laughing) "Two of the four Selectmen? What are they?"

Alexandrite: (seriously) "The generals of his army, Heine of Flame and Gadalkand of Earth. Heine may be reasonable, but Gadalkand... that's a different story. Brutal, arrogant, and probably enjoys tearing our heads off with his bare hands."

Mr. Garrison: "Oh, fantastic. At least this guy's madness camouflages my questions, which in another context would be obvious."

Alexandrite: (thoughtful) "Heine, huh? I remember her. She's smart. If we play our cards right, we could exploit him. Gadalkand, on the other hand, will be a problem. He's all muscle and ego. A good blow to his pride could destabilize him."

Mr. Hat: "So what do you propose, old man?"

Alexandrite: A little controlled chaos. Sabotage the train while the other units engage Heine and Gadalkand and their troops at the camp.

Alexandrite: "Are you always this grumpy, or only when you're caught up in suicide missions?"

(The group gathers on a rocky slope overlooking the enemy camp and the supply wagon being moved by orcs. Alexandrite chews something strange, and Mr. Hat analyzes the train with his visor.)

Mr. Hat: (in a mechanical tone) "The supply train will arrive at the camp in 30 minutes. Ready to sabotage its arrival."

Mr. Garinson: We can use dynamite. Mr. Hat, ask me for dynamite.

Mr. Hat: I'd use the mini-teleporter to bring in dynamics.

Alexandrite: What kind of summoning is that? And what kind of explosives are those. They don't look like Mipyokopyoko's eggs.

Mr. Garinson: Mipyokopyoko? I don't want to know what that is.

Alexandrite: It's a small amphibian that jumps and explodes; its eggs hatch in moonlight.

Mr. Hat: This world is full of crazy things.

Alexandrite: (chuckles) "Young people these days... so impulsive. Did you know I once destroyed an enemy camp with just a stick and a shield?"

Mr. Hat: (calculating) "Probability of success for that strategy on this mission: 2.3%. Please don't try it."

Mr. Garinson: (exasperated) "All right, enough with this nonsense! Let's divert that train and deal with the demons before the old man finishes his war story."

Scene 2: Sabotage on the Train Tracks

Alexandrite digs a hole with surprising speed. Mr. Garinson watches from a distance with Mr. Hat. He then places the dynamite.

Mr. Hat: "Diversion ready. Requires detonator or manual intervention."

Mr. Garinson: "Why not you, Hat? I'm sure you can remotely activate the dynamite."

Mr. Hat: "Remember, I'm in your hand. If I hold something, you hold it."

Mr. Garinson places the detonator on Mr. Hat's ship.

After the train explodes, the orcs pushing it flee in fear. Heine of the Flame arrives on his gryphon, watching them curiously.

Heine: You in the strange armor, you seem to be the leader. What are you doing?"

Mr. Garinson: (sarcastic) "Just a normal day at work."

Heine: (raises an eyebrow) "Hm, interesting. Attacking the supply train, no trace of chivalry. You're human, but not like the others. There's something... odd about you. What's that in your hand?"

Mr. Hat: (quickly chimes in) "My master is an exiled ventriloquist. Pay no attention to my appearance."

Heine: (laughs softly) "A ventriloquist? How charming. Don't you want to join the Demon Lord's army? I can put you in charge of the humans, you can have any woman you want.

Mr. Garinson: Pass. Which side I'm on will be irrelevant in a while.

Heine would attack Garinson with his fire attacks.

Gadalkand would arrive.

Gadalkand: "Finish these insects right now! I don't have time for games."

Alexandrite: (smiles as she raises her cane) "Old trick number one: always underestimate the old man." I'll take care of this one, you take care of Heine.

(The battle begins. Alexandrite moves surprisingly fast, using her cane to knock Gadalkand down. Mr. Garinson uses Mr. Hat to bring a shotgun, which he fires, wounding Heine's gryphon.)

Heine: That doll, it smells like... a robot and that gun. Answer me. Who are you?

Gadalkand: My name is Mr. Garinson. And this is Mr. Hat.

Heine: (annoyed, but controlled) "I must admit, they have talent."

Gadalkand: (growling) "Enough talk! I'll squash these bugs myself!"

Alexandrite: (whispering to Mr. Garinson) "Let me handle it. Old trick number two: a big monster always falls harder."

(As Alexandrite confronts Gadalkand with his staff, Mr. Hat brings the teleporter and throws an explosive device at Heine, who barely dodges it.)

Mr. Garinson: "Hat, give me a bigger gun! This isn't working!"

Mr. Hat: "Warning: Insufficient bad spots for plasma cannon. Suggestion: improvise."

Mr. Garinson: "Of course, because that always works so well!"

(The fight descends into absolute chaos. Gadalkand, with his colossal size, hurls enormous chunks of rock at the group while roaring furiously. Heine, around them, launches fiery blasts. The group tries to maintain the advantage.)

Gadalkand: (roaring) "YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR YOUR INSOLENCE!"

Alexandrite: (jumping nimbly to dodge an attack) "Insolence? Don't blame me for being old and cunning. Come here, big guy!"

Heine: (laughing mockingly) "It's a shame to waste such a good soldier."

Mr. Garinson: (standing behind a makeshift barricade) "Hat, do something! We're being cooked here."

Mr. Hat: "Scan complete: identifying weaknesses. Energy presence in core Crystal in Heine's chest. Suggestion: Attack the crystalline core in Heine's chest. Success rate: 48.2%."

Mr. Garinson: (irritated) "Great, and how are we supposed to get there without dying in the process?"

Alexandrite: "Leave it to me. Just distract him. And if I don't come back... don't touch my things!"

As Alexandrite runs straight toward Gadalkand, Garinson tries to keep Heine busy.

Heine: (grinning maliciously) "Are you interested in my necklace? You'll have to take it off my hands."

Mr. Garinson: (shouting) "Focus! Alexandrite can't do it all alone!"

(Meanwhile, Alexandrite dodges Gadalkand's devastating attacks with surprisingly agile movements for her age. At an opportune moment, she uses her staff to climb the monster's arm, approaching the glowing core on his chest.)

Alexandrite: (shouting) "Mr. Hat, throw something explosive now!"

Mr. Hat: "Confirmed. Launch in progress."

(Mr. Hat fires an explosive device at Heine's chest, blasting Heine's crystalline core. Heine, confused, sees its flames are low, and tries to rip it out as it begins to glow brightly.)

Gadalkand: (growling) "Should I take your stone, Heine?! IT CAN'T BE DONE!"

Alexandrite: (jumping back just in time) "Old trick number three: you always aim for the heart."

Old Alexandrite takes out a Mipyokopyoko egg and places it on Gadalkand's chest. He hits it, exploding and sending out a shockwave that knocks Gadalkand to the ground. The demon falls to the ground, defeated.

With Gadalkand out of the fight, Heine climbs onto his griffin and raises

Heine: (slowly clapping) "I admit I'm impressed. Not many manage to defeat Gadalkand and me together."

Mr. Garrinson: (pointing his sword at her) "Oh, please. If you can fight as well as you say, this will be interesting."

Heine: (smiling) "Next time."

Mr. Garinson: "Hat, give me options! We need something big to take her down!"

Mr. Hat: "Warning: Insufficient bad spots for high-level weaponry.

Alexandrite: (shouting) "That's it! Run away, coward. We'll leave Galalkan here for his medics to treat."

Mr. Garinson: (smiling) "What? You're going to leave him alive..."

Alexandrite: "Garinson, this demon will live in shame for having been defeated by me!" Besides, We destroyed the enemy supplies.

Heine: (panting) "This isn't... over."

Heine walks away from the place towards the demon camp.

Mr. Hat: (wiping the dust off his clothes) "It's over for you. Now, where's your jewel?"

Mr. Garinson: "That's it? We just took down a giant monster and a fire-breathing maniac in high heels and a swimsuit!"

Alexandrite: (smiling weakly) "That was... entertaining. Though maybe next time will be better."

(The group arrives at the castle at dusk, still somewhat covered in dust and minor wounds from the battle. In contrast to the other units arriving with low morale, the guards open the gates while the nearby villagers look on in admiration.

Snow: Please rest and enjoy our amenities. Your rooms have been prepared."

(Mr. Garinson and Mr. Hat and Snow are escorted to their room. As they walk through the hallways, Snow tries to ignore the constant dialogue between Mr. Garinson and his ventriloquist's dummy in an English language she doesn't understand. Finally, they come to a large carved wooden door that Snow opens with some effort.

Snow: (pointing to the room) "Here is your room, Mr. Garinson. I hope it is to your liking. Although, given your taste, I think you'll feel right at home."

Mr. Garinson: Thank you, good night. (confused) "What the...? Is it... A magic TV? How does it work without electricity?

Mr. Hat: (floating towards the TV) "Analyzing. Power source:" It's not electricity, but it's similar to that present in the Heine crystal.

Snow: (sarcastic) "Good night, Mr. Garinson."

(Snow quickly leaves, leaving Garinson and Mr. Hat alone in the room. Mr. Garinson turns on the TV, surprised to see it broadcasting some kind of magical soap opera.)

Mr. Garinson: (laughing) "Magical soap operas? This is getting weirder and weirder."

cartman in konosuba 

Darkness (with a loud and determined voice, approaching Cartman and Aqua's table):

Excuse me! I heard you're recruiting for an adventuring team. Is that true?

(Cartman stops eating and looks Darkness up and down with a mixture of interest and mockery. Aqua, on the other hand, is already covering her face with her hands as if sensing trouble.)

Cartman (raising an eyebrow, interested):

And who are you, exactly?

Darkness (ignoring the comment, with a serious expression):

I am Darkness, an experienced paladin and devotee of justice. My main skill is taking damage to protect my allies.

(Cartman frowns for a moment, clearly confused.)

Cartman:

So... you're basically a human shield?

Darkness (nodding proudly, closing her eyes as if accepting her fate):

*That's right. I'm willing to endure any blow, any punishment, all for the sake of my team. Even if it means... *(dramatic pause, smiling slightly) ...repeatedly sacrificing myself for you.

(Aqua's eyes snap open, her expression instantly going from disbelief to resignation.)

Aqua (muttering to herself):

Oh, no... she's one of those girls...

Cartman (with a big, wicked grin):

I like the way you think, bitch! You're hired! Aqua, isn't that great? Finally, someone who'll do our dirty work for us!

Aqua (whispering quickly):

Cartman, you don't get it! This woman is—

Cartman (interrupting, ignoring her):

Shut up, Aqua! Darkness, welcome to the Big Bad Wolf bitches. Your first mission is tomorrow: When something wants to kill us, you step in front of it. Get it?

Darkness (blushing slightly, looking at Cartman with some admiration):

He's... he's a kid... and he's already taking the lead? He's so... so decisive. This is so... exhilarating.

(Darkness bites her lip, clearly excited. Aqua facepalms, completely defeated by the situation.)

The next day

We see the three of them walking through the streets of Axel while Darkness continues to get excited and Cartman continues to boast.)

Cartman (with an authoritarian tone):

So, Darkness Bitch, here's the plan. You'll be our tank. When a monster comes running at us, you jump in first. I'll stay back with Aqua because, well, I'm the brains of this group, and Aqua is basically useless.

Aqua (shouting):

Hey! I'm a goddess, show me some respect!

Cartman (sarcastically):

Don't mind her, Darkness. The "goddess" can't even beat a giant toad. Anyway, Darkness, are you ready to get beaten up over and over again while I do all the important work?

Darkness (pausing for a moment, looking up at the sky with a dreamy expression):

Yeah... I can take all the pain necessary. This body of mine is ready for any test. No matter how tough or humiliating the battle... I'll be there, protecting you.

(Cartman turns around, impressed.)

Cartman:

Wow, I like your attitude! It's like you were born to get your ass kicked by monsters to protect me! This is going to be great.

(Aqua stops behind them, looking at Darkness in horror, then back at Cartman.)

Aqua:

Cartman, she's not normal! Look how she's enjoying this!

Cartman (ignoring, clapping):

Perfect, Darkness Bitch! Basically, I'll throw you at the monsters and see how long you last before passing out. Don't worry, Aqua will heal you afterward.

(Darkness blushes even more, clearly excited.)

Darkness (muttering to herself):

This is... Everything I've ever wanted.

INSIDE THE GUILD TAVERN

Cartman is sitting at the guild table with his feet up, devouring a plate of meat like there's no tomorrow. Aqua is nearby, sitting with her arms crossed, looking traumatized, while Darkness is standing next to them, excited about her shiny armor.

Cartman:

(Chewing loudly) "Ah, this fantasy world is great! Meat, girls, and they're my bitches."

Aqua:

(Sighs, crossing her arms) "Yeah, sure, until a giant freaking toad swallows you whole. I'm not going on that stupid mission again, Cartman! You can't make me!"

Cartman:

(Without looking up from his plate) "Aqua, please. You can't give up after one fight. That's like saying you're not going to eat again because you stuffed yourself with chicken. Besides, we need money. My philosophy is simple: if you don't work, you don't eat."

Aqua:

(Pointing angrily) "That's you, the one who eats everything in sight! I was swallowed, Cartman, swallowed! And you can't imagine how I came out of it."

Darkness:

(Excited, blushing) "Swallowed by a giant toad? What an... intense experience!" I wonder how that would feel—"

Aqua:

(Interrupting her, horrified) "WHAT?! That's not something you should be excited about! What's wrong with you?"

Cartman:

(Pointing at a fried frog leg) "Hey, if that bitch Darkness wants to ex Exploring her... weird tastes while she makes us money, who am I to judge? She's our tank, right? She can cover for us while I come up with a plan."

Aqua:

(Pointing aggressively at Darkness) "The Toad tried to swallow you, but it choked on you, Cartman! You just run and scream!"

Cartman:

(Dry) "It's a talent, Aqua. It's called survival. You should try it sometime."

Darkness:

(Crossing his arms, determined) "Don't worry. If the toads try to eat someone again, I'll be ready. You can trust me, Cartman."

Cartman:

(Grinning) "I knew I liked you, Darkness bitch. Okay, let's go to the store!" I need to restock on magic ammo."

The trio stands in front of a muddy field filled with giant toads croaking loudly. Darkness is excited, Cartman looks confident with his cane, which he bought with the money he had from selling Aqua's clothes, and Aqua looks like she's about to cry.

Cartman:

(Pointing) "There are our targets, ladies! Time to make some money. Darkness, you lead the way. Aqua, you do... whatever it is you do."

Aqua:

(Screaming) "What am I supposed to do against those things?! I don't even have my good clothes because YOU SOLD THEM!"

Cartman:

(Smiling) "Well, then don't get eaten this time. I'll be in the back, leading like always!"

Darkness:

(Blushing, holding her sword) "Yeah, yeah, go ahead! I'll protect you. Let me be your human shield!"

Darkness runs to the front and begins to attract the toads. The toads try to hit her with their tongues, but she seems to enjoy every impact.

Darkness:

(Screaming excitedly) "Yes! Harder, you disgusting creatures! Give me your best shot!"

Cartman:

(Making a disgusted face) "Ugh, can someone tell her this isn't a BDSM club? We're working here."

Aqua:

(Whispering to Cartman) "I told you, she's got kinks. LOOK! She's enjoying it."

Cartman:

(Raising the cane) "Okay, let me show you how it's done. Fireball!"

Nothing happens. Cartman tries again, sweating.

Cartman:

(Screaming frustratedly) "Fireball! HADOUKEN! KAMEHAME—!* DAMN IT! Why isn't this stupid stick working?

Aqua:

(Exasperated) "Didn't you learn any magic skills first?!"

Cartman:

(Dropping the cane) "What kind of RPG is this where I have to work to cast spells?! This is robbery!"

Just then, a giant toad lunges at Aqua and swallows her in one fell swoop.

Aqua:

(From inside the toad) "NOT AGAIN! CARTMAN! GET ME OUT OF HERE!"

Cartman:

(Dry) "Get yourself out, you've already gotten out of a giant toad."

Darkness, meanwhile, looks at the toad that swallowed Aqua with a curious look and runs toward it.

Darkness:

(Happy) "That looks so interesting! I want to know what it feels like, too!"

Darkness lets another toad partially swallow her, while Cartman watches in disbelief.

Cartman:

(Angry) "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?! THIS ISN'T A COMPETITION!"

Finally, Darkness breaks her masochistic trance upon seeing Cartman and Aqua in danger. With a ferocious scream, she slashes the toad that caught Aqua and then her own, saving the day. Both are covered in slime.

Cartman:

(Breathing heavily) "Okay, Darkness, I'll admit it... you're a fucking psycho, but you're pretty resilient."

Aqua:

(Desperate) "I want a bath, a change of life, and to quit the group!"

Cartman:

(Pointing) "Shut up, Aqua. Let's get back to the guild before another toad shows up."

As they arrive at the guild, covered in slime, a megaphone alarm sounds in the distance.

Megaphone:

(Deep voice) "ALERT! REPO SEASON! SWARM ON THE WAY TO AXEL!"

Aqua:

Right, in this world, repoios are alive. Come back and fight to avoid being eaten.

Cartman:

(Confused) "What the heck is a repoio?"

Aqua:

(Desperate) "They're plant creatures that come out of the ground, fly, and defend themselves with powerful headbutts! It's a total disaster!"

Darkness:

(Excited) "Repoios? How exciting! Cartman, Aqua, behind me, I'll protect you!"

Cartman:

(Staring at her as Darkness doesn't even try to harm the repoios) "Oh my God, Darkness, are you enjoying those hits?"

A repoio flaps its wings, taking off with difficulty, before diving into a group of adventurers, sending them flying like bowling pins.

Darkness:

(Blushing, eyes shining) "LOOK OUT."

Cartman:

"That bitch has some stamina."

Darkness runs toward the repoios, taking a direct hit from one of them, which sends her flying into a tree. She gets up, laughing excitedly.

Darkness:

"Run away."

Cartman:

(Frustrated, taking out his adventurer card) Bitch, get out of the way. All those hits are hitting you.

Darkness:

"You think I'd abandon the fallen?"

Cartman:

"Literally those repos are destroying your clothes, I'm not going to buy you any clothes when this is over."

Darkness:

(Internal thought) "Those perverts are watching me! How embarrassing, how disgusting, and how r  ico"

Cartman finally checks his adventurer card and unlocks a basic spell. As Aqua knocks the downed repoios into the air and Darkness continues to take hits with a smile, Cartman casts his spell.

Finally, a group of adventurers manages to take down the remaining repoios. The trio returns to the guild, covered in mud, confetti, and repoio leaves.

Cartman slumps into a chair while Aqua drinks beer like there's no tomorrow. Darkness looks excited, covered in wounds.

Cartman:

(Frustrated) "This world is the worst. I'm working harder here than I am at school!"

Aqua:

(Drunk) "But we make money for the repoios, Cartman!"

Cartman:

(Looking at her, dryly) "Yes, Aqua. But the repoios you're going to deliver look different, I think they're sick."

[In the Guild Tavern the NEXT MORNING]

Cartman, Aqua, and Darkness are sitting at a guild table. Cartman lazily flips through the quest board while Darkness meticulously cleans her armor, clearly excited for the adventure ahead. Aqua, hungover, is leaning on the table with a pitcher of water.

Cartman:

(Pointing to a quest on the board) "Aha! This is perfect for me. 'Exterminate the Zombie Maker.' Easy, fast, and I can finally prove my greatness."

Aqua:

"Zombie Maker? That sounds... unpleasant, a king of the undead. But it won't be a problem for me."

Cartman:

"Won't be a problem for you? The other quests we've had say otherwise."

Darkness:

(Excitedly) "Cartman, if we face a Zombie Maker, that means hordes of the undead!" It'll be a glorious battle, full of suffering and danger!"

Cartman:

(Looking at her, bewildered) "I'm getting used to that level of madness."

Aqua sits up with difficulty, still swaying.

Aqua:

(Whispering, fearfully) "Zombie Maker... I'm her counter! An archpriest is an expert at dealing with the undead! And as a deity, I can purify her very easily."

Cartman:

(Cruel) "Drunk bitch, let's go then."

The group walks down a dark path toward the cemetery. Cartman is carrying his newly acquired staff, waving it arrogantly.

Cartman:

"Okay, plan for the day: I lead, Darkness takes the beatings as usual, and Aqua doesn't ruin everything, got it?"

Aqua:

"Oh, yeah, great plan, Cartman. You can count on me."

Cartman:

(Grinning maliciously) "I hope so, Bitch."

They arrive at the cemetery, a dark and eerie place with moss-covered gravestones. A female figure stands in the center, surrounded by a faintly glowing magic circle. Despite being a lich, she appears surprisingly young, wearing elegant robes and with wavy brown hair.

Wiz:

(In a friendly voice) "Oh, hi...?"

Cartman:

(Confused, pointing at her with his staff) "You? You're the Zombie Maker?"

Aqua:

(Pointing at Wiz angrily) "It's a lich! A creature of darkness! Leave it to me, Cartman! Holy exorcism!"

Aqua raises her staff, beginning to recite a spell. A glowing aura begins to form around her, but Cartman intervenes.

Cartman:

"Wait, crazy! We're not going to kill someone without hearing their side of the story first!"

Aqua:

(Indignant) "Her side?! She's a lich, Cartman! Liches are evil by definition!"

Darkness:

(Admiring Wiz) "She doesn't seem that evil. She's more... refined than I imagined. Maybe we could give her a try."

Wiz:

(Smiling nervously) "Um, thanks, I guess. Listen, I think there's a misunderstanding here."

Cartman:

(Crossing his arms) "Okay, Mrs. Zombie Maker, start talking before we leave you with the crazy party trick lady."

Wiz:

(Sighing) "My name is Wiz, and in life I was an archmage. Now, as a lich, I use my powers to help lost souls cross over to the afterlife. Zombies are just... an unfortunate side effect."

Aqua:

(Exasperated) "A side effect! You're desecrating graves and creating monsters that attack people!"

Wiz:

(Defensive) "I don't do it intentionally! The truth is, many can't afford priestly funerals because they're too expensive. So I do the best I can with my magic to guide them to peace."

Cartman:

(Interested) "Wait, wait. You're saying priests charge a lot for funerals? How much are we talking?"

Wiz:

(Nodding) "Some charge up to a month's worth of work, just for a basic ceremony."

Cartman:

(Impressed) "What? Those priests are basically mobsters in robes! It's a... it's a... That's a big business!"

Aqua:

(Offended) "It's not theft! It's divine service, and blessings come at a price."

Cartman:

(Looking at her, incredulous) "Shut up, bitch. I'm thinking about how to pick the wallets of the poor."

Darkness:

(Just processing) "So, Wiz, you're really not trying to do any harm?"

Wiz:

(Pleading) "Of course not! In fact, I always try to keep the zombies inside the graveyard. But my magic isn't perfect, and some manage to escape."

Cartman:

(Thinking o) "Hmm... This could work in my favor. Wiz, how good are you with other types of magic?"

Wiz:

(Modest) "Well, I was an Archmage, so I can handle just about any school of magic."

Cartman:

(Grinning from ear to ear) "Perfect. I'll make you a deal. We don't let Aqua turn you to dust, and you help me with a couple of spells. What do you say?"

Wiz:

(Confused, but grateful) "A deal? Really? I guess I can consider that..."

Aqua:

(Indignant) "What?! Cartman, you can't make deals with a lich! It's unnatural!"

Cartman:

(Shrugging) "Oh, shut up, Bitch. You can't even deal with a toad without getting eaten. Let me handle this."

So Wiz agreed to the deal, Cartman telling Aqua to charge less for the funeral services, but not to give away the job either.

The next day, Aqua sits at a table, staring at an empty plate while a group of angry people gather nearby, whispering and glaring at her. Cartman walks in confidently, drumming his fingers on his cane.

Cartman:

(Rubbing the money he earned from the Repios a few days ago on himself) "Yeah, money, yeah..."

Aqua:

(Mumbling, dejected) "I'm in trouble, Cartman. Yesterday I got a little in debt thinking our reward would be huge..."

Cartman:

(Raising an eyebrow) "A little? What did you do?"

Aqua:

(Frustrated) "Turns out most of the ones you caught were... lettuces, not Repios. And I barely got paid a few coins!"

Cartman:

(Looking at her in disbelief) "Lettuce?"

Aqua crosses her arms as one of the men approaches, banging the table.

Tough Man:

(Angrily) "Hey, Aqua! You owe me 500 eri for last night's rounds, and you better pay today, or we'll meet in the alley."

Cartman:

(Looking at the man, amused) "Wow! Someone's got fans, Aqua. What else did you promise him while you were drunk?"

Aqua:

(Desperately) "Nothing! I just thought I could pay for everything with the reward!"

Cartman:

(Sighs, putting a hand to his face) "Why am I stuck with this bunch of losers?"

Darkness sits next to Aqua.

Darkness:

(Excited) "Cartman! Did you hear the news? A general of the Demon King has moved near town! Imagine the challenge of facing him!"

Cartman:

(Feigning enthusiasm) "Oh, all right, bitch. I'll lend you money for that debt, but I'll charge you interest!"

Aqua snaps her head up, her face lit with despair. She goes to pay off her debt and comes back, analyzing Darkness's words.

Aqua:

"That explains why the quests have dropped so much! The weak monsters have fled, and now only the impossible ones remain! How am I going to pay my debts?!"

Cartman:

(Grinning wickedly) "Well, Aqua, I think I have a solution... And don't forget, you owe me money."

Aqua:

(Suspiciously) "What are you planning now, Cartman?"

Cartman:

(Grinning like the cat that ate the canary) "Relax, Aqua. Just follow my plan, and you'll soon be debt-free. Darkness, you're included, too!"

Cartman is standing under a streetlight, wearing a ridiculous hat and a pimp-like attitude. Aqua and Darkness are standing next to him, wearing flashy outfits that clearly weren't designed for combat.

Aqua:

(Angry and embarrassed) "This is humiliating, Cartman! I'm not participating in this!"

Cartman:

(Disdainfully) "Oh, come on, Aqua. This is an investment. A couple of hours of 'work' and we'll be rolling in money."

Darkness:

(Laughing uncomfortably) "Is this... real? I thought it was a joke... Oh... This is my fantasy come true."

Cartman:

(Pointing toward the street) "This bitch is weird! Anyway. Now move over and smile. The customers aren't going to come by themselves!"

Aqua crosses her arms, furious, while Darkness looks confused between embarrassment and excitement. However, the street remains completely empty.

Cartman sits on a box, frustrated, while Aqua and Darkness stare at him with their arms crossed.

Cartman:

(Exasperated) "Really? Not a single customer? What's wrong with this town? Did everyone become a monk?"

Aqua:

(Sarcastic) "Or maybe, Cartman, people here have standards."

Cartman:

(Drainily) "Shut up, bitch. This is your fault somehow, I'm sure."

Darkness sighs, putting on a gaudy cape.

Darkness:

"Well, at least we tried. Maybe it's better to find another solution for your debts, Aqua."

Cartman and Darkness stand in front of the creepy mansion of the recently moved-in Demon King General, Verdia. Cartman holds up a large rock, while Darkness looks excited.

Cartman:

(Maleficently) "If that dulahan wants to stay here, he'd better learn to deal with a little local 'hospitality.'"

Darkness:

(Excitedly) "Yeah! A duel with a Demon King General would be glorious!"

Cartman throws the rock at a window, shattering it. Moments later, the front door bursts open. And Verdia, the dulahan, appears carrying his head in one hand.

Verdia:

(Irritated) "Who dares disturb my rest?"

Cartman:

(Brazenly) "What's up, football head? We just came to welcome you to the neighborhood."

Verdia:

(Angrily) "Insolent mortals! You will pay for your audacity! I curse you, fat boy, to die in seven days!"

Verdia casts a dark spell, but Darkness willingly intervenes, receiving the curse with a smile.

Darkness:

(Ecstatic) "Relax! It wasn't that bad."

Verdia:

"Listen, Fatso, the paladin will die in a week, because of you."

Darkness proceeds to fantasize about how Verdia would force him to do perverted things in order to undo the curse. Verdia, uncomfortably, returns to his castle.

Aqua:

(Confidently) "Leave it to me. A dulahan is no match for the power of a goddess."

Aqua recites a sacred spell, and the curse disappears in a flash of light. Cartman looks on, impressed.

Cartman:

(Muttering) "Okay, that was... surprisingly helpful."

Aqua:

(Smirking) "Maybe you'll take me seriously now, Cartman."

Cartman:

(Shrugging) "Don't count on it."

The next day, Cartman was walking through the town square.

The square is filled with makeshift stalls, and Aqua is behind one displaying a row of hand-carved soaps in the exact shape of Darkness. The figure is surprisingly detailed and lifelike, and as people walk by, they murmur between awkward chuckles. Cartman walks through the square and, seeing Aqua, stops with an expression of disbelief.

Cartman:

(Pointing at the soaps) "What the heck is this, Aqua? Is that... Darkness in soap form? What kind of weird startup are you selling here?"

Aqua:

(Feigning innocence) "It's art! Plus, it's a fully functional soap! It cleanses the skin while maintaining a high-quality, realistic appearance!"

Cartman:

(Wiping away a tear of laughter) "High-quality? This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen!"

Darkness appears behind Cartman, looking at the soaps with a mixture of curiosity and slight embarrassment.

Darkness:

(Confused) "Why... are there soaps that look like me? Aqua, is this some kind of joke?"

Aqua:

(Defensive) "It's a tribute! People love the figure of a true crusading knight, and you, Darkness, are the perfect example of beauty and strength."

Darkness:

(Blushing) "Well... if you look at it that way, I guess it's flattering."

Cartman grabs one of the soaps and inspects it closely. Then he starts laughing even louder.

Cartman:

"Oh my God! Is this anatomically correct? What kind of witchcraft is this, bitch?"

Aqua:

(Maleficent) "That's what makes it special! The more you use the soap, the less clothes it has! It's pure innovation!"

Cartman:

(Trying to contain laughter) "Okay, this is officially the best thing you've ever done, Aqua. Still, how much are you charging for these 'works of art'?"

Aqua:

(Happy) "Only 10 eris each! Isn't that a steal?"

Cartman:

(Dropping the soap) "10 ERIS!? You're stupider than I thought! You could sell this for thousands to the perverts in this town."

Aqua:

(Smiling) "I don't want to take advantage of people! It's a product accessible to everyone!"

Cartman:

(Frustrated) "It's not accessible, it's stupid! You're practically working for free, Aqua!"

A local guard approaches the stall, his expression serious. Aqua, who is in the middle of selling a soap to a happy old man, blanches at the sight.

Guard:

(Pointing at the soaps) "This is indecent and completely inappropriate for a public market! What are you thinking, selling products like this?"

Aqua:

(Nervous) "It's not indecent! It's functional art! What's wrong with selling soap?"

Guard:

(Crossing his arms) "The problem is these soaps are too... anatomically accurate! It's a violation of the rules of public decency!"

Cartman:

(Intervening, amused) "Come on, officer. The other day my dogs were almost naked on the street."

Guard:

(Frowning) "What did you say, brat! This is serious. I'm considering arresting you for this offense."

Aqua, panicking, reaches for something in her booth and quickly hands the officer one of the soaps.

Aqua:

(Desperately) "Take one, please! Consider it a gift. It's a limited-edition soap!"

The Guard looks at the soap, hesitant, and then puts it in his pocket with a slight blush.

Guard:

(Coughing) "Well... uh... maybe we can let this go... just make sure you don't do anything worse. I'll be watching you!"

The policeman hurries away as Cartman watches him go, mouth agape.

Cartman:

(Incredulous) "Did you just bribe a policeman with a Darkness soap? This is officially the weirdest day of my life!"

Aqua:

(Smiling proudly) "See! My soaps are amazing! Even the law respects them."

Cartman:

(Pointing at the empty stand) "Yeah, but as I was saying, you don't make a dime. You sell them at a bargain price! You're like... The goddess of economic idiots."

Aqua frowns as Darkness grabs a bar of soap and looks at it curiously.

Darkness:

(Dreamy) "It's impressive. I never thought I could...make something so anatomically precise. It's almost poetic."

Cartman:

(With a disgusted expression) "Okay, Bitch, please don't ever say anything like that again."

Aqua is sitting at the bar, staring at a pile of coins that barely adds up to a few eris. Cartman and Darkness sit next to her, with Cartman drinking a huge mug of beer.

Aqua:

(Sighing) "I thought I'd make it this time. But I sold so much that I barely made back what I spent on the materials."

Cartman:

(Sarcastically) "Oh, that's a surprise, Bitch. Who would have guessed?" "Wasn't selling luxury soaps for the price of cheap lettuce a successful business?"

Aqua:

(Shouting) "Shut up, Cartman! At least I'm doing something! What have you been doing lately?"

Cartman:

(Smiling) "What have I done? Oh, nothing. I've just been planning our next big adventure... We're going to pay another visit to General Dulahan."

Darkness smiles. Aqua:

(Wailing) "Please, no more of the Demon King's generals!"

Aqua goes to the guild, to the bulletin board, looking for an alternative. Aqua examines the assignments while Darkness and Cartman watch her from a nearby table.

Aqua:

(Excitedly, pointing at a mission) "Here it is! This one's perfect for me! I will purify the alligator-infested lake. It's a divine task, and those alligators won't stand a chance against my holy power."

Darkness:

(Excitedly) "A lake full of alligators... Sounds like a brutal challenge. Am I the only one who thinks this will be extremely exciting?"

Aqua:

(Defiantly) "Of course it will!"

Cartman:

(Whispering to Darkness) "This is going to be a disaster."

Aqua is inside a large iron cage, being transported in a horse-drawn wagon. Cartman sits in the wagon, flipping through a spell book with disinterest. Darkness is on horseback, surveying the area.

Aqua:

(From the cage) "This is humiliating. It's like being a monster being sold at auction!"

Cartman:

"They're alligators. You need this cage so you don't end up as sushi."

Darkness:

(Sighing) "It must be so intense being trapped, surrounded by dangerous creatures. I can't help but think about the thrill I'd get from being in that cage."

Cartman:

"That bitch is a lost cause."

The wagon arrives at the lake, which is covered in fog and filled with eerie sounds. Darkness dismounts her horse and drags the cage with Aqua to the shore.

Aqua:

(Scared) "Couldn't you have put it a little further from the water?" What if the alligators jump out?

Darkness:

(With a twinkle in her eye) "It's better this way. The adrenaline rush of being so close to danger...mnm."

Cartman:

(Sitting nearby, taking out a snack) "Aqua, if you die, I can keep your things, right? I just want to confirm before we start."

The alligators begin to rise from the water, surrounding the cage. Aqua begins to recite a purification spell, but her voice is shaking.

Aqua:

(Panic-ing) "Purification, purification, purification! Ahhh, they're coming for me!"

Cartman:

(Opening his spell book) "This is getting good."

Darkness:

(Determined, drawing his sword) "I can't just stand by while Aqua suffers!" I must join the battle."

Cartman:

(Sarcastically) "You're just saying that to go to the alligators, aren't you, bitch?"

Darkness runs into the water, pretending to confront the alligators. The animals attack her, but their bites barely damage her clothing, leaving her skin intact. She seems to enjoy the chaos.

Darkness:

(Excitedly) "This is magnificent!"

Cartman:

(Watching in amazement) "What the hell are you, bitch? Even now, nothing seems to do any real harm."

Aqua continues reciting the spell from her cage, as the alligators surround her. Finally, the water turns clear, and the alligators begin to retreat.

The cage is on the shore, with Aqua cowering in a corner, shivering. Darkness stands, her clothes in tatters, but with a satisfied smile. Cartman sits beside her, taking notes in his book.

Cartman:

(Wiping away a tear of laughter) "Well, Bitch, you did it. You purified the lake and put on the best comedy show I've seen in years. Get out of the cage, and we'll go collect the reward."

Aqua:

(Shaking) "I don't want to leave here. The cage is my only protection. It's safe. It's... my home now."

Darkness:

(Smiling) "I'm glad I helped. Although I'm sorry I didn't get to fight off more alligators."

Cartman:

(Looking at Aqua) "Anyway, let's go, Yellow Bitch, put her in the cart."

The cart moves slowly down the dusty road. Aqua is still in the cage, refusing to come out. Darkness is in the lead, humming a cheerful tune while Cartman flips through his spell book.

Suddenly, a hooded figure appears in the middle of the road, raising a hand to stop the cart.

Cartman:

(Confused, looking at the figure) "Kenny? What the hell are you doing here? And how did you survive this time?"

Ken:

(Dramatically pulling down his hood, revealing his face) "I'm not Kenny. I'm Ken. And I'm here for Aqua. Give her back right now, or face my wrath!"

Aqua:

(Looking confused from the cage) "Who are you? "Am I supposed to know you?"

Ken:

(Indignantly) "I'm the reincarnated adventurer that you, goddess Aqua, gave a second chance in this world! You gave me this divine sword." (Takes out a shining sword with a magical inscription.)

Aqua:

(Frowning, examining the sword) "Oh, that sword... I think I remember it. But I've reincarnated so many people that I honestly have no idea who you are."

Ken:

(Hurt) "How can you not remember me? You said yourself that I had great potential to save this world!"

Cartman:

(Suddenly laughing hysterically) "Oh my God! It's that Ken! The guy I met at fat camp. Ha! This is pure gold!"

Darkness:

(Confused) "Camp  Fat people? What's that?"

Cartman:

(Excited, pointing at Ken) "This jerk was a drug addict who was supposed to be in rehab. But he escaped and ended up working with me. I supplied him with food in exchange for pretending to be me when he was too busy eating."

Ken:

(Grinding his teeth) "Shut up, Cartman! I didn't come here to talk about the past. I came here for Aqua, because you clearly have Lady Aqua prisoner."

Cartman:

(Seemingly offended) "Hey, I asked for her as I wished, this bitch is mine."

Aqua:

(Embarrassed) "I had no idea such a fat kid would ask me for something so weird... I thought you wanted money or something!"

Ken:

(Enraged) "This is unacceptable! Cartman, I challenge you to a duel for Aqua's freedom. The fat wizard boy versus Ken, the sword master!"

The four stop in a nearby clearing. Darkness watches excitedly as Cartman and Ken prepare to face off. Aqua remains in the cage, looking worried.

Aqua:

(Whispering to Darkness) "I don't know if this is a good idea. Cartman will probably lose. With his bare hands, anyone his age could kick his ass."

Ken:

(Drawing his sword and pointing it at Cartman) "Get ready, Cartman. I will show no mercy."

Cartman:

(Smiling confidently as he flips through his spell book) "Ken, do you remember how you ended up getting squashed by Ms. Crabtree?" Because I'm about to make that look like a picnic."

Ken:

(Screaming while charging) "For Aqua!"

Cartman raises his hand and touches Ken's hand. A purple energy bursts out of Cartman's hand, as Ken is immobilized.

Cartman:

(In a low, sinister voice) "I love this. Exhausting Touch."

Ken falls to his knees instantly, panting and weakened.

Ken:

(Puzzled) "What... what is this? I can't move!"

Cartman:

(Grinning) "Oh, you thought I was just useless? Surprise, idiot. Thanks to my private lessons with a Lich, I'm basically a mini-lich. And now... give me all your money or I'll take your sword too."

Aqua:

(From the cage, surprised) "Since when can you do that?"

Cartman:

(With a cocky grin) "Since I decided I didn't want to die in this world. Oh, and by the way! This duel ends here. I win!"

Ken faints, defeated, while Darkness claps enthusiastically.

Darkness:

(Fascinated) "How amazing! That spell was so dark... and so beautiful."

Aqua:

(Still in the cage) "This can't be happening. I'm trapped with a bunch of crazy people."

Cartman smiles as he begins searching Ken for money or candy.

Stan in Overlord 

Cartman: I'm higher than Kyle. I'm higher than Kyle.

Kyle: How the hell are you higher than me?

Because I'm awesome.

Kyle: What level are you, Kenny?

Kenny: 63.

Kyle: What? I'm only level 37.

Stan: You're at this stupid Yggdrasil thing again. Why are you wasting your time?

Kyle: You don't understand how awesome Yggdrasil is. You can be any character you want and interact with other players in real time.

Cartman: We have a surprise for you.

Kyle: Yeah, buddy. We created your Yggdrasil profile. You're Momonga, the undead overlord of the great tomb of Nazarith.

Cartman: Surprise.

Stan: No, I don't want to be in Yggdrasil.

Kyle: But now you can.

Stan: I don't like medieval fantasy, don't bring me into this. Damn, I'm jurage on Xbox.

Later, we found Stan doing his homework in his living room. When Randy arrives,

Randy: Hey Stan, I used the VR at home and saw you have a Yggdrasil profile. Are you Momonga?

Stan: Yeah, Dad. They almost forced me.

Randy: Well, I saw you're a Supreme Being. Can I join your guild? The Ainz Ooal Gown guild!

Stan: Dad, I don't want to get involved in that.

Randy: Okay... so I'm not your friend?

Stan: Dad, you're my friend.

Randy: But you don't want to add me to the guild.

Stan: Dad, it's a button that takes two seconds.

Randy: Don't you have those two seconds?

Stan: Dad, I just want to do my homework.

Randy: Okay... just to be clear, you and I are not friends.

Stan: Okay, I'll add you.

Randy: Great.

Stan would join Yggdrasil. He would add his father to the Ainz Ooal Gown guild!

But Kyle would quickly ask Stan to help him with some tedious quests that, as an Undead, were easier for him to do.

Even Randy got angry because Stan didn't help him with the quests.

Stan: No, no, I'm not playing this anymore.

[One day, Stan goes to visit Kyle at his house and sees Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman playing Yggdrasil.]

Cartman (laughing behind a monstrous avatar): I've surpassed you, Kyle! Look who's the new king of the desert!

Stan (frowning, annoyed): What's wrong with everyone? Can't they do anything without that game?]

Cartman is shown completely destroyed after days of playing, his eyes red and grumpy, like a techie.

Cartman: I can't believe this! The server is going to shut down! This can't be the end!

[In a flash, Cartman's phone screen displays a message saying, "Yggdrasil server will shut down in 48 hours."]

Cartman (frowning and looking at the message, but determined): No way! I'm going to stay in this game for its last few seconds.

Kenny: Me too.

Stan, disinterested, leaves his house.

The next day went by normally. Cartman and Kenny had planned to stay until the end of Yggdrasil. The bell rings for recess.

[It's Burger Day, and Stan, Cartman, Kyle, and Kenny are in the school cafeteria.

Cartman: What? Fish? Today was Burger Day!

Lunch Lady: The girls complained that the food wasn't healthy or sustainable.

Cartman: Wendy, you messed with a man's food. No...

[Cartman places his hands over his chest, touching his heart, while the rest of the team stares in shock.]

Stan: Are you okay, Cartman?

Cartman (whispering, weakened): No... I'm dead... help, I'm dying!

[Cartman collapses, and then medics are shown arriving on the scene. Suddenly, as an ambulance arrives, Kenny, distracted by the situation, is accidentally hit by the emergency vehicle.]

Mmmph!

Stan (shocked, watching): Oh my God, they killed Kenny.

Kyle: Sons of bitches.

Upon returning home, [Stan, completely traumatized by the series of events and the chaos surrounding him, stays to watch the Yggdrasil game, thinking about how he wishes he could be with Kenny in his favorite game and decides to try it.]

[Suddenly, Stan remembers Cartman complaining about Yggdrasil's upcoming closure, and he and Kenny planned to stay until the game closes. Stan rushes to his room and looks for Yggdrasil.]

Stan (thinking to himself): What is it about that damn game that everyone loves it so much...?

[Stan starts the section and as he does, he sees the closing countdown. He quickly grabs the countdown he had left behind, a powerful Undead called Momoga, the Overlord of the Tomb of Nazarick.

Stan couldn't enjoy the game. Unknown players approached Stan just to say goodbye to him.

[Stan leaves the digital palace and heads towards a store. Meanwhile, Craig, Kyle, and Tweek are in the game plaza, with their Yggdrasil avatars.]

[Stan enters the store and looks at the different options. While he's looking, he runs into Kyle, who's using a gigantic avatar with an epic cape.]

Kyle (with a satisfied smile): Ha! Stan, it's about time you joined again! Look at my avatar, I'm the most powerful of them all! You're never going to be able to catch me!

Stan (snorting, without enthusiasm): I don't

I hate to listen to your nonsense, Kyle. I'm just going to fulfill Kenny's dream of staying to see the game close.

Kyle (laughing from the background): How sad what happened to Cartman and Kenny, Stan! But we're all enjoying it.

[Stan looks impressed for a second, but immediately frowns, since he's not in character.]

Stan (annoyed): This is ridiculous...

Kyle: Calm down, Stan. I'll introduce you to the NPCs and the game's features.

[A clock counts down in the corner of the screen while Stan sits in a VR chair in the middle of the virtual world of Yggdrasil. A countdown begins to play dramatically.]

With the Yggdrasil server about to go offline, the players in the world of South Park have no idea what's about to happen...

[Stan becomes uncomfortable as he watches the countdown. He looks at his hands on Momonga's avatar, with a surprised expression.

Stan (thinking to himself): This is just a game. When the server shuts down, everything will be gone, right?

Kyle is disconnected from Game Heist. This has only been seen when a user was forcibly disconnected due to a power outage or by force-closing the program from the computer.

Stan: It seems Kyle won't be able to see the ending like Kenny wanted; his mother must have found out.

[The countdown reaches zero. Suddenly, a flash of white light floods the screen, and Stan closes his eyes due to the intensity of the light.]

Just as the server is about to shut down, in the real world, a bright light surrounds him. Stan enters the world of Yggdrasil as Momonga, with a look of shock and confusion, as reality begins to fade away.]

[When the light fades, Stan is no longer in his real surroundings. Instead, he's inside Momonga's body, his in-game avatar. He stands up, looking around, confused. The virtual world of Yggdrasil is now 100% real, with creatures, monsters, and a fully three-dimensional environment.

[Sharon enters Stan's room in his house, but finds only his empty bed and the VR headset lying on the table.]

Sharon (concerned): Stan! Where are you?

Stan (looking at his hands, now in Momonga's appearance, in shock): What the hell?! Is the time delayed...? There's no menu. Nor is there any way to contact support.

Albedo, the nearby NPC, asks Stan in a fluent, non-mechanical manner.

Albedo (speaking respectfully): Is something wrong? Mr. Momonga.

Stan (desperately, looking around): Oh, God! What the hell?!

Albedo: Mr. Momonga, tell me, what's going on? Please tell me if you're okay.

Stan saw that the Scepter of Ainz Ooal Gown worked just like in the game.

Stan calmed down: "Sebas! Come out of the tomb and confirm any changes in Nazarith."

Sebas: As you command, Lord Momonga.

Stan: Pleiades, you go to the ninth floor and prepare for a possible invasion.

Yuri Alpha: As you command, Lord Momonga.

Stan: Damn it, Kyle, I told you I didn't want to get trapped in Yggdrasil. I have to find someone.

Albedo: Excuse me, Lord Momonga. Do you have any tasks for me?

Stan: Gather all the guardians to the sixth floor battle arena. I want everyone there within the hour.

Albedo: As you command.

As the hour drew near, Stan noticed that all the items worked just like in the game. He teleported with the ring to the combat arena. The various servants were loyal according to their programming.

Before the guardians arrived, Stan received a telepathic message from Sebas.

Sebas: Sir, we have a small problem.

The various guardians would arrive and bow before Stan. Sebas would also arrive.

Stan would ask Sebas for an explanation.

Sebas: Sir, the outside is a grassland; everything that once surrounded Nazarith has disappeared. Within a range of one kilometer, there are no buildings, human or monster.

Stan: What the hell does that mean?

Sebas: Sir, we're only surrounded by plains.

Stan would have a mental breakdown, but his Undead face wouldn't allow him to express it.

Stan would teleport to his throne and pace angrily, wondering what happened.

Stan, frustrated, tried to destroy everything, but when he grabbed his sword, it rejected him.

Stan: Damn fantasy video game logic.

Days passed. Stan felt neither hunger nor sex drive.

Thinking that there must be someone outside to help him, he ordered that no one follow him and left the tomb. However, the NPC Demiurge followed him wherever he went because of its programming to protect him.

The different NPCs jumped to conclusions based on what Stan wanted. Stan was only angry that he couldn't leave.

One day, Sebas gave Stan a mirror with which he could see the outside world from the safety of the tomb, although Stan didn't understand how it worked.

Stan saw people in the mirror. They couldn't be other players, but they weren't the NPCs that had been in the game before. They were some kind of Templars killing villagers.

Sebas: What about it?  What should we do, sir?

Stan: Nothing...

Stan couldn't bear his guilty conscience any longer and decided to go help that village. He opened a portal with his scepter. To his surprise, humans died very easily with low-level magic.

Peasant and her sister: Thank you for saving us, we're grateful. Tell me your name.

Stan then realized, maybe if his name becomes known, someone can help him escape.

Stan: My name is Stan Marsh, of Ainz Ooal Gown.

Likewise, Stan would go to the village and interrupt the confrontation, introducing himself as Stan Marsh, of Ainz Ooal Gown. Asking them to make that name known.

Stan, with nothing else to do, returned to the Tomb of Nazarith. Even when the villagers asked for help, even when they asked him to protect them.

Ainz would return to face a character from Yggdrasil. The Battle Angels. Demanding to know how NPCs could use them, Stan demanded to know how.

The soldiers attacked him with the same spells used in Yggdrasil, piquing Stan's curiosity even further. Who taught them those spells?

As if this nightmare weren't over, they even had Yggdrasil artifacts, like a summoning crystal.

Of course, this wasn't a big problem for Stan, since he knew how they operated, but he was disappointed to see no real person or way out.

Those envoys of the theocracy were frightened by the immense power.

Stan only said that his name is Stan Marsh, of Ainz Ooal Gown, and asked that his name be spread throughout the world.

Returning to his throne, he asked that from that day forward he be called Ainz Y, asking that his name be known everywhere. He hoped his name would attract someone from the real world who could help him.

Time passed and there was no contact with the Yggdrasil players.

Stan decided NOT TO LEAVE and wait for potential players to arrive, requesting that anyone who approached the tomb not be killed, only neutralized and brought into his presence.

What if Randy Marsh was summoned in The Rising of the Shield Hero? Fanfic 

Randy is sitting on the couch, holding a beer, watching a football game on TV. He's completely relaxed. Sharon comes in from the kitchen, looking concerned.

Sharon:

Randy, have you seen Stan?

Randy: (without taking his eyes off the TV)

Stan? I think he's... out there, right? Hey, check this out, Sharon, that's a perfect pass!

Sharon: (puts her hands on her hips)

Randy, he's been out all day. He's not in his room, or on his console.

Randy: (turns to her with a satisfied smirk)

And isn't it great? He's finally socializing. Maybe he's in the park, getting some fresh air, making friends. He's not a zombie playing the damn Yggdrasil or whatever that game is called anymore!

Sharon:

Do you really think Stan is "socializing"? Stan Marsh, after two of his friends died in that terrible accident?

Randy: (shrugs)

Well, maybe he's changed. Maybe he realized there's more to life than being glued to a screen.

Sharon: (glaring at him)

Randy...

Randy: (takes a sip of his beer, casually)

Sharon, you're overreacting. I'm sure Stan's doing fine. Maybe he's learning how to fish, or joined a chess club, or something.

Sharon:

Randy, do you really think Stan would join a chess club?

Randy: (thinking)

Well, no. But... what if he joined a teen beer club?

Sharon: (shouting)

Randy!

(Randy reluctantly puts on his jacket and grabs his car keys. Sharon follows, arms crossed.)

Randy: (huffing)

Okay, Sharon, I'll go get him. But I'm telling you now: if he's at the park with other kids, laughing and having fun, you owe me an apology.

Sharon:

What if he's not there?

Randy:

So... I don't know, do we just go home and let nature take its course?

Sharon: (pointing at him)

Find our son, Randy.

(Randy parks his car in front of the local park. He gets out, looking around with a mixture of laziness and curiosity. He spots a group of kids playing Frisbee and smirks.)

Randy: (yelling at the kids)

Hey! Has anyone seen Stan Marsh?

(The kids look at him briefly, then go back to playing. One of them mutters, "Who's that weird old man?")

Randy: (to himself)

Well, if he's with these kids, he's probably okay.

(He takes out his cell phone to take a picture as "proof" for Sharon, but upon closer inspection, he realizes Stan isn't there.)

Randy:

Oh, come on. Where the hell are you, Stan?

(Randy arrives at school, walking through the empty hallways while looking for clues. He runs into the custodian, who is cleaning up some graffiti on a wall.)

Randy:

Hey, have you seen my son, Stan Marsh?

Custodian: (still cleaning)

Stan Marsh? No, I haven't. But... I heard Eric Cartman died yesterday.

Randy: (in shock)

Cartman died?

Custodian: (nodding)

Yeah, cardiac arrest. He got frustrated because they switched from Burger Day to Fish Day.

Randy:

Oh, my God. That's... that's terrible.

Janitor:

Yeah, and then the ambulance hit Kenny.

Randy:

Really?

Janitor: (sighs)

Yeah, and it looks like Kyle was in an accident with a... well, I don't even understand it, but he died too.

Randy: (perplexed)

And Stan?

Janitor:

I have no idea.

(Randy enters the library, searching desperately. He can't find Stan, but sees a book on a nearby shelf titled "The Four Legendary Heroes." Frustrated at not finding Stan, he picks it up and begins flipping through it.)

Randy: (reading aloud)

"The Four Legendary Heroes: Chosen from other worlds to wield the Shield, the Sword, the Bow, and the Spear, and save the kingdom of Melromarc..."

(He pauses and frowns.)

Randy:

The shield? Who the hell wants a shield?

(As he continues reading, a bright light envelops him. Randy looks around, confused, as the library fades away and he is transported to the fantasy world.)

to the throne room in the kingdom of Melromarc, where Randy appears before the King and his court.)

Randy tries to understand what's going on.)

A majestic throne room is shown filled with nobles, knights, and the King sitting on an exaggeratedly tall throne. A bright light illuminates the center of the room, and suddenly, Randy appears, disoriented and holding a shining shield on his left arm.)

Randy: (looking around)

Where the hell am I? And what is this? (looks at the shield in disgust) A shield?

King: (standing up with a solemn smile)

Welcome, Shield Hero!

Randy: (frowning)

Shield Hero? What are you talking about? Hey, look, I don't know what you're smoking here, but I have to find my son. Has anyone seen Stan Marsh? He's a little boy in a blue hat.

(The court murmurs, clearly uncomfortable with Randy's attitude.)

King: (with an imposing voice, trying to ignore the comment)

Shield Hero, you have been summoned here to save our world from the Four Calamities, along with the other legendary heroes.

darios.

(The King points to the side, where the other three heroes are: Motoyasu (Spear), Ren (Sword), and Itsuki (Bow), all looking elegant and heroic with their shining weapons.)

Randy: (pointing at them in disbelief)

And why do they have cool things like a spear, a sword, and a bow? What do I have, a piece of metal to hide behind?

Motoyasu (Spear Hero): (smiling arrogantly)

Well, someone has to protect us, right?

Ren (Sword Hero):

The shield is an important tool for defense, although... yeah, it seems kind of boring.

Itsuki (Bow Hero):

I think the shield is... um... functional.

Randy: (annoyed)

I don't need any sugarcoating! This sucks! Why didn't they give me the sword? Or at least a bow, to look useful.

King: (sighing, losing patience)

The weapon you are given is not of our choosing. It is fate that decides which hero will wield each weapon.

Randy:

Well, fate can go to hell!

(The King frowns as the court murmurs in shock.)

King:

Shield Hero, our world is in danger. We have no time for your complaints. The Four Calamities are catastrophic events that will destroy our kingdom if not stopped. The legendary heroes are our only hope.

Randy: (crossing his arms)

And what does this have to do with me? I was just in the library looking for my son. My wife will kill me if I don't find him.

King: (visibly frustrated)

You cannot return to your world until the Four Calamities have been defeated.

Randy: (panting dramatically)

What?! Are you saying I'm trapped here?

King: (seriously)

That's right.

Randy: (pointing at the other heroes)

And they can't return either?

Motoyasu:

Not until we fulfill our mission.

Ren: (shrugging)

That's how it works.

Itsuki:

It's an honor to serve the kingdom, even if it means sacrificing a bit of our freedom.

Randy: (laughing sarcastically)

Oh, right, sacrifice and honor! You guys believe this? I'm not part of your little weirdo club.

King:

You, brave warrior, have been summoned from your world to wield the Legendary Shield and save our kingdom from the Four Calamities!

Randy: (looking at his arm and raising the shield)

This? This is what they give me? A shield? It doesn't even have spikes or anything.

King: (ignoring him, while the nobles murmur among themselves in disdain)

The Four Calamities are disasters that periodically strike our kingdom. Only the Four Legendary Heroes can confront them and restore balance.

Randy: (looking around in disbelief)

Uh-huh. And what does this have to do with me?

King: (with a theatrical gesture)

It's your destiny, Shield Hero.

Randy: (pointing to himself)

No, no, no. My destiny was to sit on my couch, drink beer, and watch TV, not... this.

(The King ignores him and continues talking. Meanwhile, Randy begins to look at his shield more closely, tapping it.)

Randy: (whispering to himself)

Is this plastic?

King: (excitedly)

Hero of the Spear, Motoyasu Kitamura! Hero of the Sword, Ren Amaki! Bow Hero, Itsuki Kawasumi!

Motoyasu: (with a condescending smile)

The Shield is a defensive tool, isn't that great? You can protect everyone.

Randy:

Oh, yeah, great. Protect everyone while the three of you have real weapons and can, I don't know, attack.

Ren: (serious and cold)

The Legendary Shield has its purpose.

Randy:

Oh, yeah? Is it to stop arrows? Because that seems like the only thing it could do.

(As the King explains the Four Calamities, the nobles murmur among themselves. The words "shield" and "pro-demi-humans" are clearly audible. Randy frowns as he half-listens.)

Randy: (interrupting)

Wait, what's this "demi-humans" business?

Random Noble: (with disgust)

Demi-humans are a plague. Half-beast, half-human creatures who have no place in our society.

Randy: (looking at the noble with a raised eyebrow)

So they're basically like furries?

Noble:

What?

Randy:

Forget it. And what does the shield have to do with it?

King: (uncomfortably, but trying to maintain his composure)

You see, Shield Hero, historically, all Shield Heroes have been... uh... demi-human sympathizers.

Randy: (crossing his arms)

And that's bad because...?

King: (quickly)

Never mind! The important thing is that you must face the Four Calamities and protect our kingdom!

Randy:

Protect a kingdom full of idiots who hate demi-humans?

(The King signals that the heroes form teams with the adventurers present in the hall. A crowd of brave and excited young people runs toward the other three heroes, leaving Randy completely alone.)

Randy: (looking around, raising his hands)

Really? No one wants the Shield Hero? Not one?

(The adventurers avoid his gaze. One of them mutters, "I don't want to be associated with a pro-demi-human."  Randy hears this and glares at him.)

Randy: (shouting)

I don't even know what "pro-demi-human" means!

(A young redheaded woman, Malty S Melromarc, steps forward with a bright smile. The murmuring stops as she approaches Randy.)

Malty: (in a sweet voice)

Shield Hero, it would be an honor to join your team.

Randy: (eyeing her suspiciously)

Really? Because I have a feeling this is a trap.

Malty: (laughing softly)

A trap? No, my lord. I just want to help you prove your worth.

Randy: (shrugging)

Well, I guess it's better than being all alone.

Malty casts a malicious look at the nobles, who nod silently. Randy, completely oblivious, tries to adjust his shield, which falls to the floor with a metallic clang.

Randy: (bending down to pick it up)

This is bullshit.

Randy and Malty leave the throne room, leaving the other heroes exchanging glances and shrugging their shoulders.

(Randy and Malty are sitting in a lively tavern. Randy is drinking a huge tankard of ale while Malty, with her sweet but manipulative demeanor, watches him with a smile.)

Malty: (looking around, feigning concern)

Shield Hero, I know you're still adjusting, but remember, your duty is to protect the kingdom.

Randy: (raising the tankard, clearly uninterested)

Yeah, sure, protect the kingdom. But first, let me enjoy this beer. It's the only good thing in this ridiculous world.

Malty: (in a sweet but fake tone)

Of course, my lord. Although... don't you think we should pay up now?

Randy: (looking at his empty mug)

Pay? I thought heroes drank for free.

Well, gentlemen, this is where the redhead betrays Randy and his reputation goes to waste, but since I'm too lazy for that scene, and apparently ChatGPT is too, we'll skip straight to when he recovers.

Randy:

Well, it seems this whole robbery thing isn't my problem.

Later, Randy is camping in the forest. Randy is sitting by the fire, staring at his shield while drinking another beer.

Randy: (whispering to himself)

Maybe Stan is somewhere in this crazy world, fighting dragons or something.

In another world. The Demon King Momonga sneezes, interrupting Albedo, who looks at him worriedly.

Albedo:

My lord, are you okay?

Momonga: (touching his skeletal face)

I'm... confused. How can an undead catch a cold?

(In Momonga's mind, Stan is screaming in despair as he thinks about how to get out of there.)

Stan (inner thoughts):

Someone get me out of this stupid world!

(Cut back to Randy, who sighs and takes another sip of beer, looking at the stars.)

Randy:

Uh, as if that were possible.

(Randy walks through a crowded market. He's clearly disoriented and annoyed, his shield glowing faintly on his arm. Merchants shout out offers of weapons, armor, and exotic goods as people pass by. Randy, hands in his pockets and his nonchalant attitude, stops in front of a stall full of weapons.)

Randy: (pointing to a longsword)

I want that one.

Merchant: (looking at him in disbelief)

Uh... sir, are you the Shield Hero?

Randy:

Yeah, sure, I am. What, Are you going to give a discount for that or what?

Merchant: (nervous)

Well... his shield won't allow him to use weapons.

Randy: (raising an eyebrow)

Pardon?

Merchant:

The legendary shield is enchanted. He can't use other weapons. He can only charge his shield and enhance his abilities with it.

Randy: (trying to pick up the sword, which literally slides out of his reach as if it had a life of its own)

What kind of stupidity is this?! I can't even use a sword?

Merchant: (shrugging)

It's the Shield Hero's curse, sir.

Randy: (throwing the sword back onto the counter)

Great. I'm now a forced pacifist.

(Randy turns around, frustrated, and stumbles upon a hooded man holding a cage. Inside the cage is a semi-human creature, a fox-eared boy, staring at him. (with sad eyes.)

Undercover Man:

Shield Hero, I see you're having trouble. Perhaps you need a partner to fight for you.

Randy: (looking at the man and then at the cage)

Is this what it looks like?

Undercover Man:

A demi-human slave. Faithful, strong, and obedient. Perfect for someone with his... limitations.

Randy: (looking at the boy and then at the man with a grimace of disgust)

You want me to enslave a child?

Undercover Man:

My lord, demi-humans are made to serve. It's their destiny.

Randy: (staring at him)

Yes, and supporting this stupidity will only lead to more slaves.

(The undercover man looks at him in confusion, but Randy continues on, ignoring him.)

Randy: (muttering to himself)

Damn medieval world. I can't even get drunk in peace without being offered shady deals.

(Randy stops at another stall where an old merchant displays brightly colored eggs) (Each egg is encased in a soft cushion, glowing faintly with magical light.)

Old Trader: (with a friendly smile)

Shield Hero! Are you looking for a trustworthy companion?

Randy:

Is this another attempt to sell me something illegal or rare?

Old Trader:

No, no, no. These are Filolial eggs. Noble creatures, useful for travel or battle.

Randy: (looking at a glowing blue egg with curiosity)

Filolial? What is that? A giant chicken?

Old Trader: (laughing)

Sort of, my lord. They're excellent for moving caravans, and if trained well, they can be formidable in combat.

Randy: (thinking aloud)

Hmm... I can't use weapons, I don't want slaves, and the only one who doesn't seem to betray me in this world is myself.

(Randy takes his last gold coin and places it on the counter.)

Randy:

Give me the cheapest egg you have.

Old Merchant: (surprised but pleased)

A wise choice, Shield Hero!

(The old man hands him a small, blue-green egg wrapped in a cloth.)

Randy: (looking at him disdainfully)

You'd better make some good out of here, or I'll make a giant omelet out of you.

(Randy is sitting by a makeshift campfire in the woods, the egg carefully placed on a pile of straw next to the fire. He's drinking from a mug of beer he miraculously managed to procure.)

Randy: (speaking to the egg)

Look, I don't know if you can hear me in there, but you'll be my ticket out of this madness. So, hurry up and hatch now, will you?

(The egg begins to glow brightly, and small cracks appear in the shell. Randy sits closer, surprised.)

Randy:

Oh, great. That was fast.

(The egg suddenly cracks, and a small, chick-like creature emerges, with fluffy white feathers and large, bright eyes. The creature looks up at Randy and emits a high-pitched, adorable "chirp."

Randy: (staring at him)

It really is a giant chicken.

(The Filolial waddles up to Randy, rubbing against his leg and looking up at him adoringly.)

Randy:

Are you following me yet? Don't you even know if I own you?

(The Filolial jumps excitedly and emits a louder chirp. Randy looks at it and sighs, resigned.)

Randy:

Okay, I'll call you... Beery. Because you're the only thing resembling anything good in this place.

(Beery hops happily and starts running in circles around the camp. Randy watches, taking another sip of beer with a wry smile.)

Randy:

Well, at least you can't betray me. Yet.

(The scene fades to Randy and Beer Girl in the campfire light, while the chick continues to scamper happily.)

(Randy is fast asleep by the campfire, snoring with his mouth open. His shield still glows dimly on his arm while his makeshift "RV"—basically a rickety wagon—is strapped to Beer Girl, who is sleeping in her giant chicken form near the fire.)

Randy: (mumbling in his sleep)

Stan... clean up your room... I don't care if you're in another damn world...

Beer Girl lets out a light snort in her sleep. As the sun begins to rise, a magical glow envelops the Filolial. There's a strange "pop" sound, and the creature changes shape.)

(Randy wakes up to the sound of birds and stretches, clearly annoyed by the day ahead. He rubs his eyes and looks over to where Beer Girl was, only to find a small, naked girl sitting in his spot, staring at him with (a wide, happy smile.)

Randy: (blinking several times)

What the...?

Little Girl: (in a high-pitched, adorable voice)

Good morning, Master!

Randy: (confused and still half asleep)

Who the hell are you?

Little Girl:

It's me, Beer Girl!

(Randy looks around, desperately searching for his giant Filolial, as the little girl jumps with excitement. Randy bolts upright, his shield glowing dimly.)

Randy:

Wait, wait. Where's my giant chicken?

Little Girl: (pointing at herself proudly)

It's me, Master! Beer Girl! I've grown so much!

Randy: (with a mixture of horror and confusion)

WHAT?

(Randy walks hurriedly toward a nearby town, with the little girl he insists is Beer Girl happily following him. The townspeople stare at them strangely as Randy tries to cover her with a cloak that's too big for her.)

Randy: (muttering as he walks)

One day you have a giant chicken, and the next you have a naked little girl claiming to be your chicken. This makes sense. This world is perfectly balanced.

Beer Girl: (hopping after him)

Master! Are we going on a quest?

Randy:

No, let's find out what the hell happened to you before someone thinks I'm a lunatic or worse!

(A local merchant, an older woman, sees Randy and the little girl and approaches curiously.)

Merchant:

Oh, Shield Hero, I see you have a Queen Filolial.

Randy: (stopping in his tracks)

A what?

Merchant: (looking at Beer with admiration)

A Filolial Queen. They are extremely rare. ras. You're lucky to have one!

Randy: (looking at Beery and then at the merchant)

No, no, no. What will my Filolial be like? It was a giant chicken yesterday.

Merchant:

Exactly. Queen Filolials have the ability to shapeshift and assume a human appearance, especially when near their owners.

Randy: (looking incredulous)

So you're telling me my giant chicken is now... a naked magical girl?

Merchant: (smiling serenely)

The other way around. That child is an illusion of the Filolial. It's a great honor, Shield Hero. Queen Filolials are natural leaders among their kind. They can command other Filolials, and they're incredibly powerful.

Randy: (massaging his temples)

Perfect. This can't get any weirder.

(Beer tugs at her cape excitedly.)

Beer:

Master! Can we go play with the other Filolials now?

Randy: (sighing)

No. First, let's get you some clothes.

(Randy walks into a clothing store with Beer. The clerk looks at them in confusion, seeing Randy holding the cape covering the girl.)

Saleswoman:

How can I help you?

Randy:

I need clothes for my... giant chicken.

Saleswoman: (confused)

Excuse me?

Randy: (sarcastic)

Oh, sure, this sounds weird now. But wait until I explain everything. My giant chicken is now a magical girl, and I need clothes that can change between her human form and her chicken form.

Saleswoman: (blinking slowly)

You want me to make clothes for a girl who transforms into... a giant chicken?

Randy:

Exactly.

(The shop assistant sighs and begins taking Beer Girl's measurements, who fidgets excitedly.)

Shop Assistant:

This is going to cost you extra, Shield Hero.

Randy: (resigned)

Of course it is.

(Randy and Beer Girl leave the store, with the girl now dressed in a light dress that seems to magically shrink and stretch. Randy wears a tired expression as Beer Girl runs happily around him.)

Beer Girl:

Thank you, Master! Now I can be myself all the time!

Randy: (sarcastic)

Yes, because this is what I dreamed of when I came into this world. Taking care of a magical girl who's also a giant chicken.

Beer Girl continues jumping excitedly, and Randy walks off toward the forest, muttering about the absurdity of it all. The scene fades out as a group of villagers watch them with bewildered expressions.) 

What if Kyle Broflovski was reincarnated in Saga of Tanya the Evil Fanfic One shot

 Kyle is walking along the sidewalks of South Park, a slightly satisfied expression on his face. He's grumbling as he walks, still thinking about the end of the Yggdrasil game and, of course, Cartman's death, which makes him feel a little lighter, but Kenny's death weighs on him.

Kyle (talking to himself):

Oh, yeah... you know what? At least Yggdrasil's closing gave me some fun. It was the last day. My mom made me go to bed early and I couldn't watch the ending like Kenny would have liked, and I... well, who would have thought Cartman would die for something so stupid? That was literally the best thing that happened to me this week. (pause, smiling cynically) I never thought I'd say this, but... I wish every day was like this...

Suddenly, in the middle of his walk, a bright beam of light shines directly on him, while Kyle, still unaware of what's happening, continues walking nonchalantly.

Kyle (staring straight ahead):

It's like the universe has something...

A military cargo plane, completely out of context and totally absurd, appears out of nowhere and flies toward Kyle at ridiculous speeds. With a "brrrrrrrrrt" sound, the plane hits him directly, throwing him to the ground like an inflated beach ball.

The sound of impact, the explosion, is heard.

Kyle (from the ground, as the plane continues flying and recedes into the distance):

WHAT THE HELL?!

Kyle, covered in dust, but completely unharmed. Suddenly, a random adult walks by, looking at the chaos.

Passerby (in a neutral tone):

Hey, things happen in South Park. You never know what's going to happen.

Meanwhile, Kyle dusts himself off, looking indignantly at the sky.

Kyle (shouting at the sky):

What the hell is this? A PLANE?!

Suddenly, the same ambulance that had hit Kenny and killed Cartman was passing by. But upon seeing the plane crash, it turned around, this time hitting Kyle.

The accident didn't kill Kyle, but it did leave him a vegetable, and his grieving parents decided to euthanize Kyle.

The next shot is completely black, with Kyle sitting in a chair, completely confused, while an angelic-looking woman with large white wings looks at him impassively. This woman seems a little upset, almost like a typical "woman who works a lot in the office and isn't willing to tolerate nonsense."

Angel Woman (with a forced smile):

Hi, Kyle Broflovski. I'm sorry to inform you that you've died.

Kyle (frowning, as if it were nothing new):

WHAT!? Seriously? A plane, and then an ambulance?! THIS CAN'T BE DONE, CAN IT?! I'm in limbo, damn it!!

Angel Woman (while looking through a large book in her hands, ignoring Kyle's attitude):

Yeah, well. As you know, life doesn't follow many rules. But anyway, now that you're dead, I offer you three options. Either you spend eternity as an old man in heaven, or you're reborn as a baby, or... (smiles wickedly) you're reincarnated in a fantasy world. A dangerous world, where you'll have to fight a "Demon King." No one in that world wants to be reborn, so I've arranged for people to be sent with their memories intact. For the latter, you can take a super talent or a powerful item with you.

Kyle (angry, crossing his arms):

A fantasy world? Seriously? What kind of joke is this? (mumbles skeptically) I don't know, it sounds like one of those traps where you have to pay attention to the fine print.

Angel Woman (with a cold smile, crossing her arms over her chest):

You'd be surprised what happens in those worlds. But if you want a few more details...

Angel Woman (speaking in a dry tone):

This is a world full of dangers, Kyle. Gigantic toads that devour children in a single bite, carnivorous plants that disintegrate their prey, and all sorts of creatures that have no problem killing you if you don't stay alert. And don't even mention the "Demon Kings"... they're not usually so kind. It's all a hell of a place full of chaos. But hey, don't worry. You don't have to take this path.

Kyle (with a wry tone, raising an eyebrow):

You know what? If I have to die, I'd rather stay dead. I don't want all this Japanese paganism or the hell Christians believe in, thank you.

Angel Woman (visibly annoyed, changing into a serious and threatening expression):

See, this is why you exasperate me, Kyle. Here you are, complaining about everything, as if it's easy for me to deal with people like you. But I'm going to teach you a lesson: if you don't take this seriously, I'll have you reborn in a much worse world, until you learn to respect other people's beliefs. (her tone becomes harsher) So... if Jews don't believe in hell, maybe it's time to show you one.

Kyle (with a sarcastic smile, not understanding the threat):

Oh, wait, what?! This isn't what they were telling me about.  In the Synagogue.

Angel Woman (enraged, screaming as her eyes light up unearthly):

Kyle. You have no idea what you're causing. You will be reborn into a world where everything you believe is questioned, and where you will learn to respect the differences between religions!

The bright light intensifies and begins to wrap around Kyle again, lifting him up.

On the horizon, vaguely humanoid shapes can be seen moving, while a heavy air of hopelessness pervades the place.

The sound of soft crying erupts, the echo of a newborn child. The screen begins to blur as it focuses on the figure of a baby, its eyes still closed. In the background, several adult figures move rapidly, and the murmur of unfamiliar voices grows louder and louder.

Kyle (in his mind, confused and annoyed):

What... what's going on? What is this place?

Kyle observing his new body from the perspective of a newborn. It's clear he's not in a hospital or some kind of care center, but in some kind of cloister where nuns in ancient vestments move quickly. One of them, with a serious face, approaches the baby.

Nun 1 (speaking in a low, distant tone, while stroking the baby's forehead in a language Kyle had never heard in his life):

Arm yourself, look, she's a pretty girl. Could it be that Our Lady brought her to us?

Kyle feels completely lost, with the discomfort of not being able to understand a single word they're saying. The voices are strange; they don't seem to be English, and something about the melody of the sentences is completely alien to him.

Kyle (thinking, with growing confusion):

What the hell are they saying? I don't speak... is this German? Why can't I understand anything? Is this part of the damn joke?!

The nuns observe the baby with a mixture of tenderness and a touch of curiosity. The other nuns seem distracted, commenting among themselves.

Nun 2 (quietly, looking at the baby):

The baby girl appears to be from a noble family. Her skin color and the gentleness of her features are unmistakable.

Nun 1 (nodding):

All right, let's make it quick. Her fate is uncertain, but if the mother isn't here...

The nuns' murmuring continues as one of them bends down and begins wrapping the baby in a blanket, with a professional gesture. But for Kyle, the situation becomes even stranger as time seems to slow down. The surroundings he observes seem completely unrelated to any kind of modern hospital, as if he's in a much older era.

Kyle (thinking, puzzled):

Where am I? This isn't an ordinary hospital. What is this, an orphanage? And... are they calling me a baby? No, no, no...

The seemingly innocent baby is picked up by one of the nuns and quickly carried down the hall while others continue to murmur among themselves. Kyle begins to feel a strange pressure, as if trapped in that tiny, helpless body, but his mind remains clear and alert. It feels as if everything is happening around him, but he can't do anything.

Kyle (thinking, frustrated as he looks at his baby hands):

Wait a damn minute... No. NO. This can't be true! I'm a girl! (The voice of his conscience turns into an internal scream as he stares at his reflection in a metal surface near the crib). What the heck is going on?! How could I possibly be a girl?! This is crazy! THIS ISN'T REAL!

Kyle is fed by the nuns, smiling and fearfully watching everything happening around him. Occasionally, other nuns or children from the orphanage approach, but he feels completely isolated in his confusion. Slowly, the camera focuses on the strange language he can't understand and the nuns' gestures, as if everything were part of a puzzle he can't solve.

The scene moves quickly as the days pass. Kyle continues to watch and listen, trying to deduce what's happening. As time passes, the camera shows him a little older, with the ability to think and observe the world around him, but still trapped in the body of a child.

Kyle (thinking, while in a small room with a window overlooking an ancient city):

Why haven't I killed myself yet? And what is this place? This isn't a modern city, not even close. And... does this have something to do with... World War II? I don't know. But something tells me this is going to be even worse than the desert I saw before...

Kyle (looking at the books in the orphanage library, muttering to himself):

I have to learn this language. If I want to get out of here, I need to understand what they're saying.

Months pass, Kyle's eyes shining with determination as he listens to the nuns talking amongst themselves, trying to unravel the meaning of the words. His intelligence, though hidden by his age and appearance, begins to shine through as As time goes on, after much effort, Kyle finally begins to understand the basics of German, but he is forced to maintain his appearance of innocence.

Kyle (thinking, somewhat wearily, as he listened to the nuns talking about him):

Come on... This is ridiculous! But at least I can understand what they're saying now. "Tanya." Tanya Degurechaff... So that's what they called me. Well, I guess it's a good name. But what the hell does this mean?

One of the nuns approaches with a kind expression, looking at him as if he were a miracle, while Kyle makes an effort not to show what he knows.

Nun 3 (in a soft voice, stroking the girl's head):

Anya, my darling girl... What a good girl you are! (smiles sweetly).

Butters On Konosuba Fanfic 

 Butters is celebrating in his office after seeing that Kazuya, his best client, has booked another appointment with Chizuru. He's counting bills while walking around, not paying attention.

Butters: (laughing) Another day, another dollar! This is what you call the American dream, guys.

In an electrical outlet where a wire is half-exposed. He has a bill in his hand and uses it to try to "fix" it.

Butters: Always reinvest in the business!

When suddenly, they hear police sirens. And Butters despairs.

Butters wakes up clearly confused, sitting in a dark space.

Butters: (looking around) Huh? Where am I? Is this Costco?

An angel girl with golden wings appears in front of him.

Angel: Welcome to the afterlife, Leopold Stotch. Unfortunately, you just died. I am the angel who guides the souls of those whose lives were cut short.

Butters: (shocked) Dead?! But I was just reinvesting in my business.

Angel: (smiling) Yeah, well... that didn't go so well, did it? Now you have three options for your eternity:

Angel: Option one: You can stay in heaven. It's a peaceful place, but there's no TV, video games, or any carnal pleasure.

Butters: (horrified) There's not even fast food?

Angel: No, sir.

Butters: What kind of heaven is that?!

Angel: (ignoring the complaint) Option two: You can be reborn on Earth, but with no memory of your previous life. You'd basically start over.

Butters: (thinking) And would I be rich?

Angel: That depends on fate, but considering the odds... probably not.

Butters: (discouraged) Oh...

Angel: Or, finally, option three: You can be reincarnated in a medieval fantasy world. However...

The angel leans forward, as if about to reveal a big secret.

Angel: That world is extremely dangerous. Weaker enemies, like giant frogs, can eat entire goats in one bite. The plants are not only poisonous, but they can move and attack if you try to eat them.

Butters: (interrupting) And there are women in that world?

Angel: (blinking) Uh... yes, there are women.

Butters: (excited) Then I'll choose that one!

Angel: (surprised) Don't you even want to hear any more details?

Butters: I don't need details, miss. I'm expanding my business. The Butters Kisses Rental Company is coming to that world!

The angel sighs and snaps his fingers.

Angel: All right. As compensation for how dangerous that world will be, you can bring a special power or a magical item. What do you wish for?

Butters: (thinking) Hmm... let me see... I want a power that allows me to convince any woman to work for me.

Angel: (confused) That's it? Don't you want something to defend yourself or survive?

Butters: Nah. The girls will protect me.

Angel: (with resignation) Very well. Good luck... you'll need it. Brave Hero, I'll pray that you're the chosen one among the others who manages to defeat the Demon King. If you do, we'll grant you one wish.

Butters appears in an empty plaza in Axel City. It's nighttime, lanterns illuminate the streets with a faint glow, and there's a mysterious atmosphere in the air.

Butters: (looking around) Wow! It's like a medieval theme park!

(Interior: A dark alley in Axel, near a cafe. Butters walks, looking around curiously. A group of succubi surrounds him, closely observing the human boy. His voice is full of enthusiasm and confidence, as if convinced that the power of his new ability is the answer to all his problems.)

As he walks, he passes a group of women with wings and extremely revealing outfits. They all have sly smiles and suggestive looks.

Butters: (looking at them curiously) Oh, wow... they look poor. They must be wearing little clothing because they can't afford more.

One of the succubi approaches him, clearly intrigued by his presence.

Succubus: (smiling) And who are you, little human?

Butters: (excitedly) Oh, I'm Butters Stotch! And you look like you could benefit from a legitimate business.

The succubi look at each other, confused.

Succubus: (laughing) Business? What kind of business?

Butters: (smiling broadly) ButterRent! A premium dating and companionship service. Wanna make some serious money?

Butters:

(laughing nervously) Heh... hehehe... well, girls, you don't have to feel bad, okay? I know you're all skimpy because... well... because you need money!

Succubus 1:

(raising an eyebrow) Money? Kid, we don't need human things... what we do is... get into men's dreams, make them delicious... and then absorb all their life energy... until they die.

Butters:

(blinks, confused) Delicious... dreams?

Succubus 2:

(sensual) Yeah... erotic dreams.

Butters:

Ero-what?

Succubus 3:

(uncomfortably) Well... erm... let's just say they're dreams where pleasure... and passion... feel like a delicacy.

Butters:

(eyes (shining, snaps her fingers) Ah! Like Cheetos or cheese chips! They're like junk food, but in dreams!

Succubi:

(they look at each other, confused) ...

Butters:

Look, you don't have to kill anyone, okay? If the dreams are "delicious," well... then take a little! Just a little nibble per person! That way you won't die, and the men could still keep giving you more "dream food."

Succubus 1:

(clicking her tongue, amused) A little nibble? Boy, it doesn't work that way...

Butters:

(interrupting enthusiastically) THAT'S MORE! I bet the men would pay for that!

Succubus 2:

Pay?

Butters:

Yes, miss! Pay! Because if you make them delicious dreams, then it'd be like a restaurant! They'd be clients, you'd be dream cooks... and no one would die! You'd have money to buy winter clothes, and even a clear conscience.

Succubus 3:

(surprised, muttering to the other) What the hell is this kid saying?

Butters:

And don't think I don't know about business, okay? I already had my own kiss-rental network!

Succubus 1:

(gaping) Network of... what?

Butters:

(excited, with entrepreneurial gestures) Yeah! It was a huge success until the police and my parents got kind of grumpy, hehehe... but I learned that if you organize the girls and provide good service, men pay and come back for more!

Succubi:

(they remain silent, looking at each other, as if processing what they just heard)

Succubus 2:

(whispering to the leader) ... What if the kid's right? We always exhaust men, but... what if we stopped killing them and just... got paid?

Succubus 1:

(seriously, crossing her arms) This sounds stupid. But... I'm curious.

Butters:

(smiling happily) See, I told you! It's the business model of the future!

Butters (with a confident smile):

Girls, you really have no idea how easy it is! All you have to do is... well, listen to me, because I know how to make things happen! I'm like a magnet, but for women. And believe me, it's a power greater than any magic or sword!

Succubus 1 (bewildered, looking at the others):

Can you explain, little human?

Butters (enthusiastically, jumping up and down a bit):

What I'm trying to say is, you guys could make a ton of money if you put a little spin on your business! You know, kisses for money... but not like before, let's optimize it!

(The succubi exchange incredulous glances, but something about Butters's enthusiasm makes them listen more.)

Succubus 2 (mocking, but intrigued):

Optimizing erotic dreams? That doesn't sound very...

(hesitates for a moment, as if trying to grasp the idea)

... unworkable.

Butters (striking a pose as if he's giving a TED Talk):

Listen to this, why keep sacrificing a single person to absorb all their life energy? Wouldn't it be better to get a small amount of energy from many clients? Imagine... lots of happy clients, you taking a little bit from each one, collecting money, and everyone happy. No more mysterious deaths, and the others won't have any idea what we're doing! More clients, more money, less stress!

Succubus 1 (thinking):

Hmm, sounds... weird. But how do you know all this?

Butters (realizing his plan is taking shape):

Because I'm a genius! Look, I like things to be clean, no fuss. If we get organized, we can even arrange for each client to receive a "personalized package." A client who wants, say, a pirate-themed dream... gets it. If they want one about... I don't know, a giant one that hugs them like a teddy bear... they get that too! And of course, we'll get a small percentage of their energy! Nothing dangerous, you see?

Succubus 2 (suspicious but increasingly intrigued):

Hmm... you keep talking like you're experienced... do you think you can convince us of this?

Butters (smiling confidently):

I know! I can talk to you guys all the way to the moon if I want. This is the future!

(The succubi exchange glances, still hesitant but now completely captivated by Butters's brashness. The succubus leader steps forward.)

Succubus Leader (with a sly smile):

All right, human. We'll try your "plan." But remember... if this doesn't work, you'll be the first to die at our hands!

Butters (still confident):

No problem, miss! This is going to be a multi-million dollar business!

(The succubi begin to guide them through Axel's city, passing through the narrow, dark streets as Butters follows, explaining how they will improve the succubus business.

(Exterior: The sun rises over Axel. Butters and the succubi are standing in front of a small building that looks like a café. The shop's sign is painted in bright colors and reads: "Dream Café."

Butters (excited):

Look at this! This place is going to be like a dream come true! But for you. I mean, literally... dreaming about your client!

Leader of The Succubi (crossing their arms, with a calculating expression):

How are we going to keep this a secret, human? The monarchy authorities are hunting us for this kind of activity.

Butters (smiling confidently):

Leave that to me! We need to create a legitimate facade, something the authorities won't mess with. I thought a cafe would be perfect, totally innocent!

Succubus 1 (curious):

So... why a cafe? Shouldn't we offer another kind of "service"?

Butters (enthusiastically, tapping the succubus on the head like a child who's just solved a riddle):

Exactly! But not just any cafe. This will be a cafe with a "secret room." Like, some kind of... VIP service, you know? Customers will pay for a coffee, but they'll actually get an unforgettable experience! And you girls will be there to make those dreams come true. I'm talking about a massive income!

Succubus 2 (laughing, hesitant but intrigued):

This is... very strange, human. But I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.

(Butters with a determined look, while the succubus leader gives a slow nod, and they head inside the building to begin setting up the café. A sign with a large "Welcome" is placed above the door.

(Inside the café, a few weeks later. The place is filled with curious customers ordering coffee. Butters, wasting no time, approaches a table where a clearly lost young adventurer is ordering his coffee.)

Novice Adventurer (nervous, looking around):

This is the place where... they can make my dreams come true?

Butters (smiling confidently, pointing at the café menu):

Of course! But first, we're going to have to make you a deal, right? I'll offer you a personalized dream for just a few silver coins. Nothing fancy, just a dream about... whatever you want. Pirates, princesses, whatever. And all for a low price, I promise!

Novice Adventurer (completely impressed):

Really? That sounds amazing!

Butters (smiling and realizing his plan is working):

That's it, buddy! Now you're going to have the best sleep of your life, guaranteed!

Butters and the adventurer head into the secret room. The young man is so excited he has no idea what awaits him, while the succubi watch from the bar, approving of Butters's strategy.)

Butters stands on the café terrace, looking at the horizon. The succubi watch him from inside, smiling with satisfaction at the progress. The sun sets over Axel as Butters speaks softly.)

Butters (in his internal monologue):

This is going to be big! But people don't even know what they're in for! Who needs a normal job when you can make money like this?

(Cut to a group of Puritan adventurers looking at each other, their faces filled with distrust. The leader of the Paladin adventurers looks at the cafe suspiciously.)

Leading Adventurer (whispering to his team):

Something's not right here... And we're going to find out what it is!

Butters's malicious laugh as he watches the business flourish.

One day, a familiar Fat Guy came by. It was Eric Cartman, who had died of a heart attack due to the disappointment of changing the daily hamburger menu. He came to complain that Butters' business was ruining his own. But that's a story for another day.

cartman in buko no hero

 Eris (voice from heaven):

"This is the world of Quirks, Eric. Here, people are born with abilities, and the profession of Heroes emerged... but also that of Villains. You have a second chance."

Cartman: (makes an evil face, but tries to sound solemn)

"Oh yeah, obviously... hero. Yes! I'll be the greatest hero of all! [He proudly crosses his arms] ...The great Cooooom!"

Once accepted, Cartman appeared in that world.

[Suddenly, he hears screams from a nearby alley.]

Delinquent 1 (with knives sticking out of his arms):

"Come on, Good Person Man! Where's your Quirk, asshole? Huh? Did you think you could hold your own against us in that cheap costume?"

Koichi Haimawari (Good Person Man):

—Hey, leave me alone! I just want to help people!

Delinquent 2: (grabbing Pop☆Step)

—And you, "pop star," people are going to see you for free today.

Pop☆Step (shouting):

—Let me go, you idiots!

Cartman: (walking onto the stage with an exaggerated gait, chest out)

—STOP RIGHT THERE, YOU FOOLISH VILLAINS!

Delinquents: (turn around in confusion)

—Wha... who's this fat guy?

Cartman:

—I'm the ultimate hero! The protector of justice, kindness, and... free boobs on the internet! (strikes a ridiculous pose)

—I AM... THE FUCKING ONE!

Koichi: (blinking in confusion)

—...The what?

Pop☆Step: (with a disgusted face)

—Who the hell is this repulsive fat guy?

Cartman: (trying to sound imposing)

—Shut up, citizens! This is the moment where I make my entrance and everyone admires me... (looks at the criminals) And you bastards, let them go or you'll know the fury of the Coom Beam!

Criminal 1: (laughs, pulls more knives from his arms)

—Ohhh, a weird fat guy in a raccoon costume? Perfect, you're joining the party!

[The three criminals surround Cartman. He starts doing a ridiculous dance, as if he's charging up "energy".]

Cartman:

—No one can resist my power! The power to... coom justice in their faces!

[Obviously nothing happens. The criminals jump on him. Cartman screams like a baby.]

Cartman:

"AAAAAH, CRAP! THIS WASN'T PART OF THE PLAN!"

[At that moment, a muscular figure drops down from a rooftop and knocks the knife-wielding criminal against the wall with a single punch. It's Knuckleduster.]

Knuckleduster: (deep voice, smoking)

"Pathetic. They think a gift makes them invincible... what they need is a real beating."

[He begins brutally beating the criminals with street-level techniques. Koichi and Pop☆Step watch in astonishment.]

Koichi:

"It's Knuckleduster! The vigilante!"

Pop☆Step: (breathes a sigh of relief)

"Well, at least someone competent showed up."

[Cartman gets up covered in dust, pretending it was all part of his plan.]

Cartman:

"Yeah, exactly! That's what I wanted to happen! I distracted them, and he... uh... did the rest. As a team! Coom Team!"

Knuckleduster: (looks at him with cold eyes)

"What are you? A bad joke?"

Cartman: (proudly, beats his chest)

"I am the Coom! The new number one hero of this disgusting country."

[Knuckleduster stares at him for a moment, then looks at Koichi and Pop☆Step.]

Knuckleduster: (thinking aloud)

"A useless guy in disguise, a troubled idol, and... a fat guy who looks like he came from a mental asylum... [lights a cigarette] ...maybe just what I need for a vigilante group."

Koichi: (horrified)

"What?!" Recruit?

Cartman: (shouting)

"HEY! I have the most powerful quirk of all! The quirk of being THE COOM, and you all are my shitty sidekicks."

Pop☆Step:

"God, that sucks."

[Knuckleduster smiles grimly. The screen freezes with Cartman posing ridiculously as it reads: "The Legend of the Coom in Naruhata begins..."]

[Alleyway, after Knuckleduster knocks out the criminals. The tension drops. Koichi and Pop☆Step approach.]

Knuckleduster: (seriously stubs out his cigarette on the wall)

"Listen, you brats. This world is rotten. Pro heroes don't always show up when they're supposed to... and villains never stop. You three...

(looks at Koichi, then at Cartman and Pop☆Step)

...have potential."

Koichi: (nervous)

—Huh? Me? But... my Quirk just makes me slide on the floor. I'm no good in a fight.

Knuckleduster: (deep, almost fatherly voice)

—And you think I have a Quirk? No. I'm a simple human who trained until his bones broke. (raises his fist) You don't need a Quirk to fight. You need guts.

[Koichi widens his eyes in surprise. Pop☆Step looks at him sideways, half-skeptical.]

Knuckleduster:

—If a man without powers can save lives... you, with your ridiculous "slipping" gift, can do it too. What matters is that you act.

Koichi: (takes a deep breath, nodding)

—He's right... Then I'll join! I'll be a hero, even if it's illegal!

Cartman: (steps in, puffing out his chest)

—And so do I! But I don't need to train or anything, because I'm already naturally amazing. Besides... (makes a face)  (poor thing) ...I don't have a home, money, or family here. I'm alone in this cruel world.

Koichi: (uncomfortably)

—Uh... well... I guess you could... stay in my apt... for a while...

Cartman: (quickly, taking advantage)

—Perfect! We'll be roommates, bitch! I'll keep the big bed, the TV remote, and the fridge. You can sleep on the floor or whatever.

Koichi: (with a horrified face)

—What?! Hey, no!

Knuckleduster: (looking amused, but silent)

—...

[Transition: A few days later. Koichi's apartment, top floor of a half-ruined building. Cartman is sitting in his underwear, surrounded by food wrappers, with the TV blaring.]

Koichi: (entering, tired)

—Cartman, you left the door open again!

Cartman: (eating fried chicken, still staring at the TV)

"Relax, roommate. If anyone comes in, I'll tell them you're my sex slave and they'll freak out."

Koichi: (shouting)

"That's not helping!"

[Just then, Pop☆Step appears with a backpack.]

Pop☆Step:

"I'm tired of being alone. I'm going to join the vigilante group."

Koichi: (surprised)

"You too?"

Cartman: (with a sly grin)

"Yeah, yeah, come all of you. Coom HQ welcomes sexy idols. First rule: bunny uniform."

Pop☆Step: (throwing a shoe in his face)

"You're a disgusting pig!"

[Scene on a rooftop, the four of them together. Knuckleduster speaks in a serious tone.

Knuckleduster:

"All right, listen up. This isn't just any fight. The real war in Naruhata is against the drug "Trigger."

Koichi:

"Trigger?"

Knuckleduster:

"A chemical that temporarily enhances abilities... but destroys the mind. Addicts go into a frenzy, their tongue turns black. They lose control and turn into monsters."

Pop☆Step: (frowns)

"I've seen people like that in the slums... it's horrible."

Cartman: (raising his hand)

"Question: Can it be sold?"

[Everyone glares at him. Cartman shrugs.]

Cartman:

"What? I'm asking about the logistics, you bastards!"

Knuckleduster: (sighs, but points at him)

"You're the most dangerous, fatty. But maybe... I can save you from the evil path if you let me train you."

Cartman: (smiles cynically)

"Heh... Save me? No, man... you already recruited me. I'm your favorite nightmare."

[Knuckleduster stares at him, and the scene ends with the foursome on the rooftop overlooking the city, while siren lights illuminate the night.]

[Night in Naruhata. The group patrols the streets. Cartman walks with a black-painted broomstick, as if it were a "legendary weapon".]

Knuckleduster: (grunting as he walks)

"Stop shuffling. If you see anything suspicious, act."

Cartman: (looking at his broom with pride)

"Tch, why do we have to listen to this bitter old man?" I am The Coom, the supreme vigilante.

Koichi: (sighs)

"I told you that name sounds horrible!"

Pop☆Step: (crossing his arms)

"Yeah, and it's scary for all the wrong reasons. How do you expect people to trust a hero who calls himself Coom?"

Cartman: (offended)

"That's a powerful name! It inspires respect!"

Knuckleduster: (smacks him on the back of the head)

"It doesn't inspire respect, it inspires nausea. And if you keep yelling, it'll make you bust your face off."

Cartman: (yelling)

"HEY, DON'T HIT ME, YOU OLD ALCOHOLIC!"

[Koichi tries to calm the situation, but Knuckleduster suddenly slams a suspicious bystander against a wall.]

Koichi: (horrified)

"What are you doing?!" You can't just hit anyone just because they look weird!

Knuckleduster: (cold)

"That guy's nose was too dry. Trigger symptom."

Pop☆Step: (indignant)

"That's no excuse! People have allergies, idiot!"

Cartman: (laughing and pointing)

"HAHA! See, the old man is worse than me! I don't even go that far!"

Knuckleduster: (turns around slowly, threateningly)

"Shut up, you jerk."

[Suddenly, a black whip encircles Cartman and knocks him to the ground. Eraser Head appears on the nearby rooftop.]

Eraser Head: (serious, in a deep voice)

"Illegal vigilantism. You'll have to come with me."

Cartman: (struggling on the ground, indignant)

"Hey, asshole! I'm the Coom! The people need me!"

Eraser Head: (walks over and lifts him by the neck with one hand)

"The "Coom"? How pathetic. You don't even look like a hero. You're just a fat guy in pajamas."

Cartman: (screaming)

"MOOO ... [Eraser Head puts away his bandages and walks off without looking back.]

Cartman: (getting up covered in dust, shouting)

"DAMN PROFESSOR EMO, YOU'LL SEE WHEN THE COOM GETS YOU!"

Knuckledust er: (clenching his fists, frustrated)

"Shut up, kid. If you can't fight him, you'll be even less able to fight the real monsters."

[Later that night. On the streets, the three gang members from the beginning appear, transformed by Trigger: one throws larger bone blades, another becomes gigantic, and the third hardens his body with minerals. The city erupts in chaos.]

Koichi: (terrified)

"It's them... but they're out of control!"

Pop☆Step: (with tears in his eyes)

"With my little jumps and fireworks, I can't stop anyone like that..."

Cartman: (pointing at them with his broom, hysterical)

"See?! That's why we need the Coom! I can... uh... distract them with my charisma and my butt."

Knuckleduster: (angrily, grabs him by the collar)

"You're a nuisance, brat! Either improve your skills, or you'll end up dead in the first real fight."

Cartman: (screaming)

"You can't talk to me like that! I'm special!"

Knuckleduster: (snaps at him, turning to Koichi)

"And you. Stop calling yourself "Good Person Man." It's a joke. If you want to be taken seriously, choose a name that inspires respect."

Koichi: (takes a deep, determined breath)

"Then... from today on... I'm The Crawler."

[Pop☆Step smiles, Knuckleduster nods approvingly. Cartman crosses his arms, jealous.]

Cartman:

"Pfft, "The Crawler"... how ridiculous. Everyone knows "Coom" sounds much more badass.

Pop☆Step: (throwing another shoe in his face)

—Shut up already!

Blurry cell phone clips showing vigilante fights in Naruhata. Laughter and forum comments can be heard.

Random internet narrator:

—Look! There's that crazy old man who hits people, they say they call him Old Fist!

Another:

—And that one crawling on the floor like a cockroach... LOL, the Cockroach!

Another:

—And... that fat kid in pajamas? Who the hell is he?

Final comment:

—Oh, that's just the fat kid.

[Cut to Cartman, watching those videos on Koichi's laptop.]

Cartman: (screaming)

—WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!!! I'M NOT "THE FAT KID", I'M THE FUCKING ONE!!!

Koichi: (sighs, resigned)

—Well, at least the police started investigating the Trigger thing thanks to what we're doing...

Pop☆Step:

—Yeah, but we haven't made any real progress. Users keep popping up like cockroaches. (turns to Koichi)

Not you, obviously.

Koichi: (uncomfortably)

—...Thanks.

[Another night. At Koichi's apartment.]

Koichi: (showing them his collection of All Might t-shirts, with genuine enthusiasm)

—Look, I have all the limited editions. This one's from the tenth anniversary collaboration!

Pop☆Step: (laughing softly)

—That's pretty cool, Koichi.

Cartman: (cruel laughter)

—HAHAHAHA! You're a virgin t-shirt collector!

Koichi: (annoyed, frowning)

—So what about you? You're living in my apartment for free! You don't pay rent, you don't buy food, and you steal my shampoo.

Cartman: (serious, justifying himself)

—That's what roommates do: share.

Koichi: (screaming)

—NOOO, YOU'RE JUST ABUSING!

[Next night. On a rooftop. Koichi and Pop☆Step are watching the city. Suddenly, Soga Kugisaki, the gang member who attacked them earlier, appears.]

Soga: (head down, raising his hands)

—Listen... I'm sorry for what I did. I was under pressure, I needed money. But I know things about Trigger distribution. I can tell you everything...

Koichi: (surprised, hopeful)

—Are you serious?

Pop☆Step: (distrustful)

—...Sounds like a trap.

[Suddenly, a bee flies and stings him in the neck. Soga screams in pain. His body begins to mutate, bones sprouting like giant spears from his skin. He becomes a monstrous, out-of-control version of himself.

Koichi: (horrified)

"Rope!!!"

Pop☆Step: (backs away, scared)

"No, no, no... this is Trigger again!"

[Cartman appears out of nowhere, climbing the stairs on his painted broom.]

Cartman: (in a ridiculously heroic voice)

"Fear not, citizens! The Coom is here to protect you!"

Koichi: (shouting)

"You're no help, Cartman!!"

Pop☆Step: (shouting at the same time)

"NO ONE WANTS THE COOM!!"

[Before Cartman can attempt his trick, another illegal vigilante appears: a man with a red mask, blades, and a cold stare.]

Stendhal: (calm, but with a murderous voice)

"That's a monster. And monsters must be eliminated."

Koichi: (desperately, interjecting)

"NO, WAIT!! That's not a monster, that's Soga, a human who needs help!"

Pop☆Step: (begging)

"There has to be a way to save him, don't kill him!"

Stendhal: (unfazed, drawing his blades)

"The city doesn't need monsters... or false heroes."

Cartman: (shouting at Stendhal)

"Hey, hey! That's MY style! If anyone's going to kill confused civilians, it's me, the Coom!"

[At that moment, a fist enters the scene and knocks down one of Stendhal's blades. Knuckleduster appears from the shadows.]

Knuckleduster: (growling)

"Kid, back off. This isn't your stage."

Night, in an alley lit only by flickering neon lights. Soga's mutant body still writhes and On the ground, covered in bones like spears. Knuckleduster wipes the blood from his mouth after exchanging blows with Stendhal.

Stendhal: (panting, staring blankly)

You don't understand anything! Justice is eliminating the scum! If I don't kill them, they'll hurt again!

Knuckleduster: (grabs him by the neck and pushes him against a wall)

And what makes you? A hero? No! You're just another blood junkie, an idiot who uses the word "justice" to justify his damned desire to kill.

Cartman/Coom: (pointing with a flashlight he doesn't even know how to use)

Yeah, you cheap fucking anime! The only true justice is when I win! Because I am the Coom, protector of girls in miniskirts and... free pizza!

Koichi (The Crawler): (sighs, looking at Pop☆Step)

...I swear I don't know why I keep letting him live in my apartment.

Pop☆Step: (snorts)

Because you have the face of an abandoned puppy and zero ability to say "no."

Cartman/Coom: (offended)

Hey! I'm not a dog. I'm a lion, an apex predator! And you guys should be grateful I'm staying in that apartment, because otherwise, the bad guys would have ripped you to pieces by now!

Koichi:

Cartman, last time you fainted because a guy with Trigger yelled at you loudly...

Cartman: (crossing his arms)

That was a scream with powers, dammit! That's cheating.

[Stendhal, trembling, looks at the ground. The mask he's wearing cracks from Knuckleduster's blow.]

Stendhal:

So... what am I? Just another murderer?

Knuckleduster:

Exactly. Don't give yourself titles. You're not a hero. You're not a vigilante. You're just a guy with knives and a sick obsession.

Pop☆Step: (sympathetically)

You could... I don't know, redirect that energy. Do something useful instead of killing people randomly.

Cartman/Coom: (laughs out loud)

HAHAHA! Yeah, become a sushi delivery boy or something, dude! At least that way you'll be cutting fish and not people!

Koichi: (looking seriously at Stendhal)

If you really want justice... start by stopping playing god.

[The tension dissolves as police sirens begin to wail in the distance.]

Knuckleduster: (firmly)

We're leaving. The cops are already investigating Trigger, and we can't risk getting raided.

Cartman/Coom:

And what do we do with the killer emo?

Knuckleduster:

We let him think. Let him decide whether to keep sinking or change course.

Stendhal: (muttering as he watches them leave)

...Just a killer? Nothing more?

[Cut: The group returns to Koichi's apartment. Cartman opens the refrigerator and begins devouring Koichi's leftovers.]

Koichi: (tired)

...That was my dinner.

Cartman/Coom: (mouth full of cold instant noodles)

Well now it's justice in my belly, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Pop☆Step:

I swear one day I'm going to kill him.

Knuckleduster: (lighting a cigarette by the window)

No. We're going to train him. That brat is going to stop being "the fat kid"... or the street will kill him before you do.

abandoned rooftop. The group rests after the fight. Stendhal appears from the shadows, his gaze wild.

Stendhal: (with a trembling, almost poetic voice)

No... I'm not just a murderer. You were right... I'm not a hero... I'm something more!

A symbol... An executioner!

The world is rotten, heroes are fakes, criminals are multiplying...

I'll be the scythe that cleanses away the scum! I'll be called... STAIN, the hero killer!

Koichi (The Crawler): (horrified)

Hey, calm down! That's not justice, that's madness!

Pop☆Step: (taking a step back)

...That guy is completely crazy.

Knuckleduster: (furious)

Listen to me, brat! If you think killing fixes the world...

Cartman/Coom: (raising a broomstick as if it were a sword)

Yeah, and you're a poser too! I'm the true symbol! The Coom, protector of busty girls and...

[In the blink of an eye, Stain lunges at Cartman and stabs him with his sword. The kid barely manages to scream.]

Cartman:

AAAAAAARGH, MOTHERFUCKERS!!!

[Cartman falls to the ground, dead. The group freezes.]

Koichi: (voice breaking)

...He killed him... he really killed him!

Pop☆Step: (covering his mouth, crying)

No... it can't be... he was an idiot, but he was a kid.

Knuckleduster: (with trembling fists)

...You sick bastard. He was just a child!

Stain: (with a cold stare and a fanatical speech)

A weak child. A false spark. A selfish fatso who thought he was a hero...

That's proof that society is already rotten!

False symbols must die... so the world can be reborn.

[Police sirens are heard approaching. Stain disappears into the shadows, leaving the others devastated.]

[CUT. Black screen. Silence.]

[Suddenly, light. Konosuba World. Cartman wakes up in the snow, his face frozen. Coughing and snorting.]

Cartman: (stunned)

W-what the fuck...? Where am I now? Where are the knives and the psychopath?

[Aqua picks him up off the ground, with her typical irritating smile.]

Aqua:

Finally! Months passed. The snow had to melt before they could find your fat corpse! But we did it. We revived you. Cartman: (furious)

YOU REVIVED ME IN THIS CRAPPY FANTASY WORLD?!!! I was comfortable in the superhero world! I had a costume, I had internet fame, I had respect!

Aqua: (confused)

Respect? Yeah, right...

Cartman: (screaming, with tears of rage)

IT WAS MY LEGACY!!! The Coom left his mark on that world, Aqua! A MARK!

Aqua: (crossing her arms, dry)

Yeah, right. They're probably building statues in your honor right now.

Cartman: (looking up at the sky, muttering to himself)

...Yeah, that's it... my legend will live on. The Coom will always be remembered.

And so, Cartman lied to himself once again.

THE END

chef in Konosuba

(The sky is covered in an ominous orange hue, as we see a towering figure walking slowly toward a rickety bridge. Chef, wearing his signature apron, cautiously crosses the bridge. Suddenly, the bridge creaks, and Chef falls into the abyss, shouting his signature "Oh, shit!" before disappearing into the darkness.)

(Chef wakes up in a white, confused place. In front of him is Aqua, who is now much more serious about her job as the responsible goddess.)

Aqua:

(In a formal and bored tone)

"Isaac Hayes... also known as 'Chef'. You have died. Unfortunately, you just passed away! Now you have three options: go to heaven, be reincarnated in the human world, or go to a fantasy world with the mission of defeating the Demon King."

Chef:

(With an eyebrow raised, incredulous)

"What the hell is this? A fantasy world? Like in those nerdy novels?"

Aqua:

(Shrugging)

"Sort of. You're entitled to take a great Talent or a powerful weapon. But if you do, you'll be granted a wish from the gods."

Chef:

(Smiling)

"Anything? Hmm... you're convincing me, babe. Let's give it a try. I wish for the power that makes people unable to consider me inferior to them."

(Aqua hands him a strange medallion and throws it into the portal. Chef disappears as his voice can be heard shouting in the background: "This better be worth it, dammit!")

(Chef wakes up in an inn in a medieval world. With his charisma and culinary skills, he quickly opens a restaurant that becomes popular among adventurers and nobles. However, the restaurant's fame would reach some unexpected people, including the Demon King of the time.)

Chef:

(Cooking enthusiastically in the Demon King's castle kitchen)

"You'll see, Your Majesty. This stew will make you forget that a good part of a monster army was lost."

Demon King:

(Laughing confidently)

"Chef, if this is as good as you say, you could be my new royal advisor!"

(Chef smiles mischievously, while in his mind he plans how to fulfill his mission to eliminate the Demon King from within.)

(While working in the castle, Chef falls in love with a succubus sent by the Demon King as a reward. The relationship progresses, and they have a daughter, whom Chef lovingly raises.)

Chef:

(Teaching his daughter how to cook)

"Listen, honey. Food doesn't just nourish the body, it also nourishes the soul. Even if you're a demon, that doesn't change anything."

Chef's Daughter:

(With a mischievous smile)

"I want to be like you, Dad! I want to cook delicious things!"

(Chef smiles proudly, but is tormented by his mission and what it might cost him.)

(At a banquet, Chef sets his plan in motion and poisons the Demon King with a special recipe. However, the demons misunderstand the situation.)

Vanir:

(In sarcastic horror)

"Chef has killed the Demon King! He's a Machiavellian genius! He must be our new leader!"

Chef:

(Trying to explain)

"Wait, wait! This isn't what I wanted! I was just following orders!"

Demons:

(Levitating him in the air while cheering)

"Long live the new Demon King!"

(Chef, resigned, accepts his fate while muttering to himself.)

Chef:

"Well, if everyone thinks I'm bad... then I'll be the damn bad guy."

(Years later, Chef rules with a mixture of unintentional intimidation, though his kind side remains. He secretly helps poor villages and fosters peace between demons and humans, but his reputation as a tyrant, born from his servants' misunderstandings, prevents them from seeing him as a hero.)

Demon Minion:

(Kneeling in front of Chef)

"My lord, the humans are planning to attack us!"

Chef:

(Sighing while rubbing his temples)

"Why can't anyone just get along? Okay, send them a 'surrender or die' letter..."

We cut to current events, where Cartman confronts the Demon King Chef. Chef, seeing his former customer, tries to reason with him, but the misunderstandings only escalate.)

Cartman:

"Chef! I can't believe this!" The guy who taught me how to eat ribs is now the Demon King!"

Chef:

"Erick, you have no idea how complicated this is. I just wanted to cook, but now I'm stuck here."

Cartman:

(Pointing at him with his cane)

"I don't care! I'm going to save this world! Even if it means defeating you!"

Cartman, panting, holds up his magic cane, while Chef stands firm with his demonic kitchen knife. Suddenly, Chef raises his hand.)

Chef:

(In a deep, tired voice)

"Stop it! Erick, stop this nonsense."

(Cartman, confused, lowers his cane slightly.)

Cartman:

"What? Are you going to give up like the coward you always were?"

Chef:

(Heavy sigh)

"Erick... I'm tired. I've been in this damn world for decades. I've fought more battles than I can remember. If it weren't for my wife and daughter... I'd let you kill me right now."

(Cartman blinks in surprise. He crosses his arms.)

Cartman:

"Well... I guess I can hear what you have to say before I send you to hell. But do it quickly, Chef. I don't have all day."

(Chef smiles slightly, almost gratefully.)

Chef:

"Thanks, Erick. You don't know how good it feels to have someone listen to me without twisting my words to use them against me. I killed the Demon King by poisoning him decades ago, but they made me the new Demon King when they thought I did it of course."

Cartman stops.

(Suddenly, Aqua appears out of nowhere, holding a glowing magical staff.)

Aqua:

(Strikes an exaggerated heroic pose)

"I've come to finish the Demon King once and for all!"

(Cartman, annoyed, rolls his eyes.)

Cartman:

"Shut up, Aqua! I'm having a profound moment here."

(Aqua, confused, looks at him.)

Aqua:

"What? You can't defend the Demon King, Cartman! That's blasphemy! I'm the deity you swore to serve!

Cartman:

(Sarcastically)

"Oh, come on! This is Chef. The guy who taught me how to eat ribs like a man!"

Aqua:

(Pointing at Chef angrily)

"It doesn't matter! If we kill him, I can go back to the Afterlife!"

(Cartman stops, processing what he just heard. A sly smile spreads across his face.)

Cartman:

"Wait a second... Chef, when you poisoned the previous Demon King, what did you wish for?"

(Chef frowns, thinking for a moment. Then his eyes widen in surprise.)

Chef:

"I never claimed him!"

(Cartman slaps himself on the forehead.)

Cartman:

"You idiot! You might have wished to go home or something."

(Aqua, excited, clasps her hands in prayer.)

Aqua:

"Wait! If he's still entitled to his wish, I can summon Eris to resolve this."

(Aqua makes a dramatic prayer, and Eris appears in a flash of soft light.)

Eris:

(With a gentle smile)

"Hello, Aqua. What do you need this time?"

Aqua:

(Pointing to Chef)

"He's the current Demon King. But he's also the one who defeated the previous Demon King, but never claimed his wish. Can you grant it now?"

(Eris is surprised by the situation, reasons it, nods, takes out a small golden book, and writes something down.)

Eris:

"Of course. Demon King, what is your wish?"

Chef:

(Thinking carefully)

"I want to stop being the Demon King. But on one condition: no one must recognize me as the former Demon King. I don't want anyone giving me dirty looks or persecuting me for this."

Aqua: "What? Weren't you going to want me to return to the afterlife in my position?"

(Eris smiles and nods. With a wave of her hand, a wave of golden energy envelops Chef. His demonic crown disappears, and the ominous aura surrounding him fades.)

Eris:

"Granted. You're no longer the Demon King."

Eris would look at Aqua.

"Well, technically with this, there's no longer a Demon King to defeat."

(Aqua smiles with relief, as her body begins to glow slightly.)

Aqua:

"Yeah! That means I can return to the afterlife!"

Cartman:

(With a raised eyebrow)

"What?"

Aqua:

(Shrugging)

"You guys can manage. "Goodbye, losers!"

(Aqua disappears in a flash of blue light. Cartman stares at her in disbelief.)

Cartman:

"Fucking idiot! She left us stranded here!"

(Chef smiles slightly and places a hand on Cartman's shoulder.)

Chef:

"Well, Erik, at least there's no Demon King now. Maybe this world has a chance."

(Suddenly, the atmosphere changes. The dangerous animals begin to shrink and look more docile. The sense of danger in the air disappears.)

Cartman:

(With a triumphant smile)

"I knew it! It was all connected to the Demon King's stupid position."

(Meanwhile, in the human realm, the royal family emerges from their secret refuge in the country of Elroad. A messenger rushes to the throne, announcing the news.)

Messenger:

"Your Majesty! The Demon King has disappeared!"

King:

(Standing up excitedly)

"That means it's time to reclaim the throne of Belzerg! The world needs to know the monarchy has returned!"

Cartman and Chef watching the sunrise from a hill.)

Cartman:

(Sarcastic)

"Well, Chef, I guess you're just a normal guy trapped in a fantasy world now."

Chef:

(Smiling)

"Well, I still have my wife and daughter. And you, Eric, are a problem child trapped in the same place. I think we'll manage."

(Both laugh.)

Aqua is being scolded by another deity in the Afterlife. Aqua blames Cartman for everything.

Eris:

(Frowning)

"Aqua! You know sending cannon fodder like crazy wasn't going to work. "Or at least it didn't work out the way you thought it would!"

Aqua:

(With a nervous smile)

"But they were fine. Now, the Demon King is no more! Besides, Cartman is an idiot!"

ISEKAI PARK

(Meanwhile, on the battlefield, Mr. Garrison leads the clearing of the last rebel forces. Holding a Kisaragi device, he surveys the surroundings with a bored air.)

Mr. Garrison: (muttering to himself) "Great. Another planet conquered."

(Suddenly, he stumbles upon a dust-covered console, on which a red button flashes conspicuously. Garrison, intrigued, scratches his head.)

Mr. Garrison: "A red button? This can never be a good thing... but why not? My life is already a mess."

He accidentally presses the button. A blinding light envelops him, and suddenly he finds himself in an elementary school classroom. He looks around, perplexed. It's a classroom identical to the one in South Park when I was a teacher, but everything seems... different.)

Mr. Garrison: "What the hell...? Did I go back to... to this? No! It can't be! It was all real! The conquests! The glory! The body enhancements!" (grabs his head) "It can't have been just my imagination!"

(Suddenly, an ethereal voice echoes in his head, calm but mocking.)

Mr. Garrison: (looking around frantically) "Who are you? What's going on?"

Mr. Garrison: "Hey, hey! I was just following orders! You don't have to take it out on me!"

Mr. Garrison: (shouting) "What? What punishment?"

(Cartman enters the mansion, visibly upset after a rough day. He carries a bag of leftover fast food and slams the door.)

Cartman:

(Dropping the bag on the table)

"This is a mess! This world sucks! It's worse than Mexicans."

(Aqua, unconcerned,

Aqua:

(Looking up)

"Oh, welcome back, Cartman! I have some interesting news. After you died and I had to REVIVE YOU again, Dust left because he said he was fed up with our 'incompetence,' aka you."

Cartman:

(Interrupting, angrily)

"Oh, right, that's what the useless one says! And what else? Darkness is back?"

Aqua:

(Smiling broadly)

"Yeah! Actually, Darkness is coming to visit because she heard you were alive again. Also, Yunyun is She's so excited to see you. She's crying tears of happiness in the other room."

(At that moment, Yunyun runs into the living room, tears in her eyes and her arms outstretched toward Cartman.)

Yunyun:

(Hugging him tightly)

"Cartman! I thought we lost you forever! I'm so glad you're back!"

Cartman:

(Trying to push her away awkwardly)

"Hey, hey, hey, get down! What's wrong with you? This isn't a freaking episode of 'My Little Pony'!"

(While all this is happening, Aqua notices a strange red button on the table. It's small, shiny, and seems to be attracting her attention as if inviting her to press it.)

Aqua:

(Pointing at it excitedly)

"Hey, look at this! Where did this button come from? It must be something important! What if I press it?"

Cartman:

(Alarmed)

"Don't touch it! It's probably something stupid and magical that's going to ruin my life again!"

Aqua:

(Smiling as if ignoring the warning)

"Nah, it can't be that bad! Let's see what it does!"

(Presses the button.)

Meanwhile, in the Tomb of Nazarick:

(Demiurge, Albedo, Mare, and Aura are standing in front of Demon King Momonga's throne. They are discussing world conquest strategies, but Momonga (who is really Stan trapped in the demon leader's body) seems distracted, lost in his thoughts.)

Demiurge:

(Confident)

"Lord, our forces are fully prepared. With this new strategy, the world will be ours in a matter of months."

Albedo:

(Devotedly)

"Yes, my beloved Momonga-sama! Guide us to the Victory!"

Stan/Momonga:

(In his thoughts, frustrated)

"Why am I still here? It's been months and there's no sign of returning to South Park. I'm trapped in this magical skeletal body, and the worst part is EVERYONE expects me to be this supreme leader. I miss being myself... I even miss Cartman's stupidity!"

(As the others continue talking, Stan notices something strange: small red buttons begin to appear around the throne room, embedded in the walls and floor. One in particular seems to glow brighter.)

Stan/Momonga:

(In his thoughts)

"What's that? A button? Well, what does it matter. If it kills me or takes me to another world, I'd be better off than here."

(Without thinking too much, Stan presses the button. The throne room fills with light and everyone present is teleported away.)

(In a world resembling Nazi Germany, Kyle, trapped in Tanya's body, is supervising a military flight test. along with a group of soldiers. They are testing a prototype that is activated by a button.)

Tanya/Kyle:

(Frustrated)

"This is ridiculous! Another day being this little demonic girl in a world where everything is war! Why can't I just go to heaven? Oh right, my religion."

(Suddenly, one of the soldiers draws Tanya's attention to a strange red button that has appeared on the prototype's control panel.)

Soldier:

"Teni

 "Enter, this button wasn't here before. Is it part of the prototype?"

Tanya/Kyle:

(Sighing, resigned)

"What does it matter? If it's a failed experiment or it teleports me to another world, it couldn't be worse than this."

(Tanya presses the button. A bright light envelops Tanya and her soldiers, who are also teleported away.)

(Cartman, Aqua, Yunyun, and Darkness suddenly appear in the elementary school classroom. Shortly after, Stan (as Momonga), Kyle (as Tanya), Demiurge, Albedo, and other characters begin to appear one by one. Finally, Kenny enters the classroom along with Rem, Ram, and Emilia, who accompany him.)

(The classroom door bursts open, and Garrison recoils in horror. In walks, one after another, the South Park kids... but not as he remembers them.)

Cartman: (wearing a priest's robe, with a grumpy Aqua following him) "What the hell is this?!" We were in the middle of the mansion just now!"

Aqua: (whimpering) "This is your fault, Cartman! You always drag everyone into trouble..."

Kenny: (accompanied by two oni twins and an elf, looking around in confusion) "What...? Where are we? I was just about to ask for a reward at the guild."

Kyle: (reincarnated as a German girl, frowning as he adjusts a soldier helmet) "Cartman? Is that you, Cartman?"

Stan: (now a living skeleton, entering behind him with a succubus and a vampire) "Oh, great. First I'm trapped in this body, and now this! Hey, wait, Cartman, Kenny?"

Mr. Garrison: (looking at them, horrified) "No! Not you! Anything but this!"

(Garrison drops to his knees, while the boys begin to argue among themselves, ignoring his suffering)

Cartman:

(Excited to see Kenny)

"Kenny! I missed you, bastard!"

Kenny:

(Smiling and nodding)

"Mmhmph mhmph!"

(Cartman and Kenny quickly hug, but when Cartman looks at Momonga and Tanya, his expression becomes confused.)

Cartman:

(Pointing at them)

"Wait... what the hell? Stan? Kyle? Is that you? Why do you have such weird bodies?"

(Stan and Kyle avoid each other's eyes, uncomfortable with their new appearances.)

Stan/Momonga:

(Looking away)

"Yeah... it's me, Stan. Don't ask."

Kyle/Tanya:

(Whispering, annoyed)

"It's a long story, Cartman. I don't want to talk about it."

Cartman:

(Looking at Stan.)... Wait, isn't that Momonga's skin in Ygdrassil?

Cartman:

(Turns to Kenny, excited)

"Kenny! Damn, I thought I'd never see you again! What the hell happened to you? How did you die this time?"

Kenny:

(Sighing, somewhat resigned)

"Mmhmph mmhmph mmmph... mmph."

Cartman:

(Confused)

"What? Speak up, Kenny! I still don't understand what you're saying!"

Kenny:

(Clearing his throat and speaking clearly) "Oh, yeah. Sorry. Well... after you died of cardiac arrest, the ambulance that was coming to get you ran over me."

(Cartman is silent for a few seconds, then laughs uproariously.)

Cartman:

"Ha ha ha! That's so you, Kenny! You die in the stupidest ways!"

Kenny:

(Resigned)

"Yeah, thanks for reminding me, Cartman... But at least I'm not the one stuck with these idiots."

(Rudely points to Aqua, Darkness, and Yunyun, who look on in confusion.)

Stan/Momonga:

(Interrupting)

"Well, while you guys were catching up, I was stuck as this damn magical skeleton overlord."

(Points to his body.)

"All because you guys They insisted I try that stupid game on the last day the servers were open."

Cartman:

(Yawns widely)

"Oh, that's interesting, Stan! Nobody cares! Want a tissue to cry more about being a 'supreme leader' in a magical world? Boo-hoo!"

(Imitates mock-crying.)

Kyle/Tanya:

(Interjects, annoyed)

"Shut up, Cartman! At least Stan has an interesting story! I'm trapped in the body of this crazy German girl named Tanya!"

(Cartman falls silent, staring at Kyle/Tanya with an incredulous expression before bursting out laughing.)

Cartman:

"HAHAHAHAHA! Kyle's a little girl! Not even just any little girl, but a little Nazi girl! This is the best thing that's happened to me in years!"

(Kyle, furious, slams his fist on the table with his fist. force.)

Kyle/Tanya:

"Shut up, Cartman! Do you know what it's like to be trapped in a world at war, with soldiers ready to kill at any moment?"

(Behind Kyle/Tanya, the soldiers teleported with her nod firmly, giving off an air of menace. Cartman, however, barely notices them.)

Cartman:

(Pretending to be scared)

"Oh, no! Watch out for Kyle's toy soldiers! Are they going to shoot me with their magic guns? Oh, how scary!"

(Aqua, bored, decides to intervene.)

Aqua:

(Smiling carelessly)

"Who are these? They don't seem very friendly. Why are they screaming so much?"

Cartman:

(Pointing at Aqua, Darkness, and Yunyun listlessly)

"Oh, right. Let me introduce you to this bunch of idiots I'm with. trapped."

(Points to A qua.)

"This is Aqua, the worst goddess of all time. It's like you have someone with godlike powers, but the brain of a 5-year-old."

Aqua:

(Indignantly)

"Hey! That's not fair! I'm incredibly beautiful and powerful!"

Cartman:

(Ignoring her)

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever, idiot. Then we have Darkness..."

(Points to Darkness, who smiles sheepishly.)

"...who's basically a masochist who gets way too excited when someone tries to kill her. She's literally useless in a fight."

Darkness:

(Excitedly)

"That's not true! I can be useful in hand-to-hand combat if you give me a chance!"

Cartman:

(Interrupting her)

"Shut up! No one asked you, Darkness. And finally, we have..."

(Looks at Yunyun, trying to remember her name.)

"Who are you again? Yu-what? Yogurt?"

Yunyun:

(Offended)

"My name is Yunyun! I'm the Archmage of the Crimson Clan! And I'm not 'Yogurt'!"

Cartman:

(Rolling his eyes)

"Sure, whatever, Yogurt. You're basically the crybaby of the group. So yeah, those are my classmates, total messes."

(Turns to Kenny, Stan, and Kyle.)

"How about you guys? What idiots are you stuck with?"

(Suddenly, Mr. Garrison exhales deeply, calmly closing the door behind him.)

Mr. Garrison:

(Very calmly)

"Listen carefully, kids. We're not in South Park, but in a completely different world. You were brought here for a reason, indefinitely, and you're going to have to learn to get along."

(He stops, looking at the heroes, villains, and travelers from different worlds.)

Mr. Garrison:

"Now, come on! Stand up! Introduce yourselves, and you better not start fighting. Everyone's on a level playing field here."

All the characters exchange awkward glances as chaos seems about to break out.)

(The characters sit uncomfortably at their desks as Mr. Garrison leaves the room, leaving them alone.)

(The group walks through a desolate town that looks like a strange mix between a typical medieval fantasy setting and an American suburban city. The houses are a mix of wooden shacks and modern buildings, but everything looks abandoned, with broken windows and weeds growing between the streets.)

Cartman:

(Looking around with a disdainful expression)

"Well, this place stinks. Is this the best these magical gods could come up with? There isn't even a McDonald's nearby! How do they expect me to survive here?"

Stan/Momonga:

(Tired)

"This is clearly a failed experiment. It looks like they tried to build a city, but no one bothered to finish it."

Kyle/Tanya:

(Looking at a store with an "Open" sign, even though it's clearly empty)

"This is like a freaking ghost town. Who the hell lives here, and how do they expect us to live?"

Aqua:

(Carefree)

"Oh, don't worry. I'm sure this will all magically fix itself when I do something amazing like always!"

(Strikes a triumphant pose, but everyone ignores her.)

(The group continues walking as the sun begins to set. Suddenly, Aqua stops and points dramatically at Stan/Momonga.)

Aqua:

(In a firm voice)

"You evil being! I can't allow an abomination like you to walk free. It's my duty, as the goddess I am, to purge you from this world!"

Stan/Momonga:

(Raising his hands, trying to calm her down)

"Wait, wait! I'm not evil. I'm trapped in this body. I don't even know how all this dark magic works!"

Cartman:

(Standing between Aqua and Stan/Momonga)

"Oh, please, Aqua! Can you stop being so dramatic for once? Besides, what do you care? You can't even handle your own life, let alone save someone else's!"

Aqua:

(Indignant)

"Shut up, Cartman! I'm not going to let a skeletal monster walk around here like it's nothing!"

(Begins to glow as he gathers power for a spell.)

Stan/Momonga:

(Alarmed)

"Wait, you don't have to do this! Honestly, I'm not a danger!"

(Aqua ignores the pleas and casts an exorcism spell on Stan. A bright flash hits him directly in the chest, and for the first time since being trapped in Momonga's body, he feels intense pain. Stan screams and falls to the ground.)

Stan/Momonga:

(Voice breaking)

"Ugh! This is the first time I've felt pain since being trapped in this body!"

(The group stops, staring in surprise as Stan slowly recovers.)

Kyle/Tanya:

(In disbelief)

"Aqua, are you crazy? You just attacked one of our comrades!"

Aqua:

(Defensive)

"It's not my fault I'm an evil skeleton! I just did what anyone would do in my place!"

Cartman:

(Crossing his arms, sarcastic)

"Oh, yeah, right. Because attacking someone randomly is always the solution. Great job, Aqua! You're like the police, but worse."

(Stan struggles to his feet, still feeling the effects of the spell.)

Stan/Momonga:

(Sighing)

"You know what? I don't even care anymore. This is ridiculous. Can we just come to terms with it? Wherever we go and forget about this?"

(Aqua tries to protest, but Darkness and Yunyun drag her away to prevent her from doing any more damage.

(The next day. The group is gathered in the main hall, where several "teachers" and authority figures, including Mr. Garrison, are sitting before them in a sort of makeshift courtroom.)

Mr. Garrison:

(Reading a paper with a bored expression)

"Fine, fine. We're here because Miss Aqua decided to attack one of her classmates without any provocation. What do you have to say in your defense, Aqua?"

Aqua:

(Pointing dramatically at Stan)

"He's an evil being! It's my duty as a goddess to protect this world from creatures like him!"

Mr. Garrison:

(Sighing)

"You know what? I don't even care if he's evil or not. What I care about is that you're interrupting my free time with your nonsense."

(The Mr. Garrison points an accusing finger at Aqua.)

Mr. Garrison:

"For your reckless behavior, you will be punished. You will have to clean every classroom and bathroom in the school for a week."

Aqua:

(Shocked)

"What?! But I'm a goddess! I can't do jobs like that!"

Cartman:

(Grinning evilly)

"Ha! That's what you get for being an idiot! Enjoy your punishment, Aqua!"

Mr. Garrison:

(Ignoring Aqua and Cartman)

"And everyone else... try not to kill each other, okay? This is an educational experiment, not a Tarantino movie."

(He gets up and walks out of the room, leaving the group in complete chaos again.)

Aqua tries to discuss her punishment with the others, and Cartman keeps mocking her.)

Outside the school

(Tanya/Kyle is sitting on the edge of a broken fountain in the schoolyard, staring off into the distance with a tired expression. Her mind is clearly filled with frustration and resentment.)

Kyle/Tanya:

(In her mind, she sighs deeply)

"Why does this always happen to me? First, I'm trapped in this little girl's body in a world at war. Now I'm in... what is this? A cosmic joke? This whole thing feels like a fever dream written by someone completely unhinged."

(She slams her fist on the edge of the fountain.)

"And on top of that, I have to put up with Cartman making fun of me!"

(Stan/Momonga slowly approaches, listening to part of Kyle/Tanya's monologue.)

Stan/Momonga:

(Her voice, though deep, sounds sympathetic.)

"I understand how you feel, Kyle. You think it can't get any worse... but then something happens that shows you that it can always get worse."

Kyle/Tanya:

(Turning to him, annoyed)

"You don't understand anything, Stan! You're a giant fucking skeleton! I'm trapped in the body of a little girl with an army expecting me to be a military prodigy! This doesn't make sense!"

Stan/Momonga:

(Crossing his arms, sighs)

"Believe me, I get it. You have no idea how frustrating it is to not be able to eat, drink, or feel anything because you're trapped in a body that isn't yours. I don't even know if I'll ever be normal again."

(Thoughtful pause.)

"It's like we're being punished for something we didn't even do."

Kyle/Tanya:

(Her expression softening slightly)

"Well... I guess at least you don't have to deal with Cartman making fun of you all the time."

(They both sigh in unison, in a rare moment of mutual empathy.)

(Cartman walks beside Kenny, eating a piece of moldy bread he took out of his pocket. Kenny listens with his usual patience, albeit with an expression of mild disbelief.)

Cartman:

(Sarcastic and exaggerated)

"So imagine this, Kenny! I had to sleep in a barn like a damn animal. A barn! Then they make me work like a slave, I starve... I literally died!" But don't worry, because Aqua revived me, only to get killed again because I complained too much."

Kenny:

(Shrugging)

"Well, at least you have Aqua to revive you. In the world I was in, if you died, you stayed dead."

Cartman:

(Stopping abruptly, surprised)

"What?! And how did you survive this long?"

Kenny:

(With a wistful smile)

"I got lucky... and well, I was in a romance with a girl who helped me a lot."

Cartman:

(With an incredulous look)

"Wait a second! Kenny McCormick in a romance? I have to hear this! Who's the girl? Is she hot?"

Kenny:

(Somewhat awkwardly)

"Yeah, but there's one thing... she's not exactly human. He's over 200 years old and, well...

Cartman:

(Perplexed)

"200 years old? What the hell is that?"

Kenny:

(Sighing)

"A Japanese demon. But trust me, it's more complicated than it sounds."

(Cartman squints at him, clearly processing all the information incorrectly.)

Cartman:

"So you're saying you're basically dating an ancient demon? Oh my God, Kenny, you're weirder than I thought!"

Kenny:

(Rolling his eyes)

"Like you're normal, Cartman."

(Mr. Garrison stands in front of the class with a large whiteboard on which he has written "Contest of  Talents: Show what you can do!" The students are sitting at their respective desks, clearly confused.

Mr. Garrison:

(Smiling fakely)

"Okay, kids! Today we're going to have a talent show. Why? Because I'm bored and I want to see how miserable you all are. So think of something, anything, and present it in front of the class. Who wants to go first?"

(All the students look at each other uncomfortably. Cartman immediately raises his hand, with a devilish grin.)

Cartman:

"I'll go first, Mr. Garrison! I have a musical number that's going to impress everyone here."

(The rest of the group looks at Cartman skeptically as he gets up and prepares for what will clearly be a disastrous show.)

Mr. Garrison:

(Whispering to himself)

"This is going to be a disaster... but at least it'll be fun."

Cartman begins to sing, leaving everyone else with a mixture of horror and morbid fascination.)

(The students are gathered in small groups, holding lanterns and makeshift torches as they prepare for the test of courage. The forest is dark, with an eerie atmosphere. Aqua walks at the front of her group, holding a staff with a crackling blue flame at the end. Behind her are Kenny, Kyle/Tanya, and Stan/Momonga, with varying expressions of frustration and exhaustion.)

Aqua:

(Excitedly, turning to them)

"This will be a piece of cake for me! I'm a goddess, after all. I can scare away any evil spirit with just a wave of my hand."

Kenny:

(Whispering to Stan)

"Why does he always have to brag so much? It's like he's trying to be worse than Cartman."

Stan/Momonga:

(With a sigh, in his deep voice)

"Trust me, there's no competition there. Cartman is on a whole other level."

Kyle/Tanya:

(Arms crossed, clearly irritated)

"Can we focus?" We just want to finish this and go back to wherever we're sleeping in this place."

(Aqua stops abruptly and looks at them curiously, tilting her head.)

Aqua:

(Narrowing her eyes)

"Wait a second... You three are from Earth, right?"

(The group stops, surprised. Stan, Kenny, and Kyle exchange quick glances before looking back at Aqua.)

Kenny:

(Suspiciously)

"How do you know that?"

Aqua:

(Smiling, as if it's no big deal)

"Oh, because Cartman's also from Earth, and I was the one who reincarnated him in the fantasy world we were in before we came here."

(Stan and Kenny freeze for a second before their expressions transform into pure anger. Kyle, on the other hand, looks thoughtful.)

Stan/Momonga:

(Pointing a finger at her) (bony)

"You were the one who brought us to those damn worlds?! This is your fault!"

Kenny:

(Angry)

"Yeah, thanks to you I've been trapped in a world where dying is almost a daily occurrence!

Aqua:

(Blinking, confused)

"What? No, no, no! I just reincarnated Cartman. I didn't even know you guys existed until now!"

Kyle/Tanya:

(Intervening, crossing arms)

"Actually, she might be telling the truth. I wasn't reincarnated by Aqua. It was another woman... some kind of angel with a terrifying aura. She was the one who sent me to that world as... well, you know, as this little girl."

(Points to Tanya's body in frustration.)

Aqua:

(Thoughtfully, putting a finger to her chin)

"An angel, you say? Oh, right, that makes sense. After Cartman kidnapped me on a whim, and my position was empty, they sent an angel to temporarily replace me. I don't know how I'm managing. I would never have sent someone who didn't want to go to another world."

(The group is silent for a moment as they process the information. Then, as if they've come to the same conclusion at the same time, their faces fill with fury.)

Stan/Momonga:

(With a deep, accusatory tone)

"Are you telling me the reason we're trapped in these nightmares is because Cartman kidnapped you?"

Kenny:

(Snorting in frustration)

"Of course this is all Cartman's fault. Why am I not surprised?"

Kyle/Tanya:

(Resigned, but still annoyed)

"This is so typical of him. Why does everything he does end up ruining our lives?"

Aqua:

(Looking at them warily, taking a step back)

"Hey, hey! It's not my fault he's an asshole. Besides, I was a victim here! He kidnapped me, remember!"

Stan/Momonga:

(Crossing his arms, still annoyed)

"That doesn't change the fact that if he hadn't kidnapped you, maybe none of us would be caught up in this madness."

Kenny:

(Whispering to himself)

"When I see him, I'm going to beat him so hard he'll need another reincarnation."

(The group starts walking again, but the atmosphere is tense. As they go deeper into the forest, Aqua tries to break the ice.)

Aqua:

(Mockingly, trying to divert the topic)

"Well, at least all the friends are together now, right? Think about it." This is an opportunity to grow stronger as a team."

Kyle/Tanya:

(Looking at her in disbelief)

"Team? This is more like a Cartman victims' club."

(The group continues walking as their conversation fades into the darkness of the forest.)

(Mr. Garrison stands at the front of the class, looking completely listless as he takes attendance. Aqua sits in the corner, clearly uncomfortable, with a red note taped to her forehead that says "GROUNDED." Cartman enters the class late, eating a cupcake and looking around curiously.)

Cartman:

(With a sly grin)

"What happened here? Did Aqua finally admit she's completely useless?"

Aqua:

(Getting up from her seat, angrily)

"Shut up, fatso! This is all your fault for kidnapping me and ruining my heavenly job!"

Cartman:

(Feigning surprise)

"What? Me? "I have no idea what you're talking about, you useless lady!"

(Stan, Kenny, and Kyle glare at him with murderous expressions. Cartman finally notices the tension in the air and takes a step back, laughing nervously.)

Cartman:

(Trying to divert attention)

"Oh, come on, guys! You can't blame me for everything... can you?"

(The class erupts into chaos as Aqua, Stan, Kenny, and Kyle begin yelling at Cartman, who tries to justify his actions. Mr. Garrison watches from his desk, clearly entertained by the drama.)

Mr. Garrison:

(Whispering to himself, while taking a sip of coffee)

"This is better than any soap opera..."

(Despite the fact that Cartman got beaten to a pulp, they were trapped in that world for months, all they could do was play along.

The students are sitting at their desks while Mr. Garrison writes something on the board. Cartman is half asleep, Aqua is playing with her cane, and Stan/Momonga is checking a grimoire while Kenny draws something on a scroll. Suddenly, Mr. Garrison turns around with a sarcastic smile.)

Mr. Garrison:

"Listen, you idiots! I have some great news. This strange world you're trapped in has decided to organize something exciting for you. A sports morning!

Cartman:

(Waking up suddenly, confused)

"Sports morning? What kind of punishment is that?"

Mr. Garrison:

(Sarcastically)

"Ah, but it's not just any sports morning. The winning team gets to return to their home world. So yeah, Cartman, you could go back to your miserable town full of hamburgers and childhood diabetes!"

Stan/Momonga:

(Interested, looking up from his grimoire)

"Really? We just have to win this competition and we can go home?"

Mr. Garrison:

"Exactly. But of course, it wouldn't be a contest if there wasn't a competition. So you'll be facing another group... the Parallel B Class!"

(Mr. Garrison opens the door, and the other group enters, mostly made up of Ainz's Pleiades. Leading them is Randy Marsh, Stan's father, with a shining shield and a completely bewildered face. Next to him is a girl with bird wings. Suddenly, she sneezes and turns into a giant feathered chicken.)

Mr. Garrison:

"They are your opponents. Please welcome Randy Marsh and his group, along with their pet, Beery!"

Stan/Momonga:

(Surprised, jaw metaphorically dropping)

"Dad?!" "What are you doing here?"

Randy:

(Pointing at him, incredulous)

"Do I know you, skeletal thing?"

Stan/Momonga:

(Frustrated, approaching)

"It's not a trick! It's me, Dad! I'm trapped in this body because of this weird damn world."

Randy:

(Crossing his arms, skeptical)

"Stan? And how do I know you're not just a monster trying to trick me? I've seen some really weird things in this world!"

(They start arguing while Cartman watches, eating a snack he got from somewhere.)

Cartman:

(Mockingly)

"Oh, yeah. Nothing brings a family together like a school competition in another dimension."

Kyle/Tanya:

(Whispering to Kenny)

"It's weird that our teacher and Stan's dad are here."

Kenny:

(Just shrugging)

"It's like the universe did it on purpose."

(Meanwhile, Stan tries to convince Randy.)

Stan/Momonga:

"Dad, listen to me! Remember when I accidentally burned down the stove because I wanted to make waffles while you were watching TV? Who else would know that?"

Randy:

(With a flash of recognition)

"Well... yeah, that sounds like something Stan would do..."

(Pauses, then points)

"But that doesn't prove anything! Any monster could read my mind!"

Stan/Momonga:

(Frustrated)

"Dad, for crying out loud! Just admit it's me."

(After much back and forth, Randy finally gives in.)

Randy:

(With a dramatic sigh)

"Okay, okay, I believe you. But you have to understand something. After you disappeared, I looked for you everywhere. I even went to the library! Do you know how desperate I was to do something like that?"

Stan/Momonga:

(Wiping away a nonexistent tear)

"And why would I be in a library? Dad."

Randy:

"But in the library." I found a strange book, and when I opened it, poof! I was summoned to a fantasy world. There I was told I couldn't use weapons, only this multi-purpose shield."

(Holds up the shield, which magically glows.)

Stan/Momonga:

(In disbelief)

"A multi-purpose shield? What does that mean?"

Randy:

(Proudly)

"Look at this!"

(Suddenly, the shield transforms into a frying pan, then a frisbee, and finally an umbrella.)

Randy:

"Isn't that cool? Although I can't go home or get rid of this shield until I defeat the Four Calamities. Beery was my partner throughout the entire mission!"

(Points to the girl still in giant chicken form.)

Cartman:

(Completely confused)

"Beery? What kind of name is that?"

Randy:

(Defensive)

"That's a great name! Isn't it, Beery?"

(The chicken girl makes a strange sound that sounds like a cross between a cluck and a roar.)

Mr. Garrison:

(Slow clapping)

"Well, this is going to be fun! Now that everyone knows each other, get ready to compete. Don't worry, the events will be completely fair!"

(Smiles mischievously.)

Kyle/Tanya:

(Whispering)

"This won't be fair at all, will it?"

Stan/Momonga:

(Sighing)

"No, it won't."

Montage: Sports Morning

(A chaotic montage is shown with inspirational music playing in the background. Events include sack races, relay games, and apple-catching competitions. Meanwhile, Randy seems more worried.

Randy:

(With a triumphant smile)

"It's a Swiss shield, guys! Nothing can beat me!"

(Beerita, still in giant chicken form, accidentally destroys the final obstacle of a race, allowing Randy's team to take the lead.)

Cartman:

(Angrily)

"That's cheating! That chicken doesn't play Clean!"

Kyle/Tanya:

(Sarcastically)

"Yeah, because everything here has been super clean and fair up until now."

Stan/Momonga:

(Frustrated)

"Dad, why do you have to focus on moments like this? We have to win this to go home!"

Randy:

(Confidently)

"Relax, Stan! You'll see. Your old man knows how to fix things! You and your friends are going home tonight."

(In the final round, a cooperative platform-balancing challenge, both teams are tied. It's a tense moment. Randy watches Stan struggle to maintain balance with his group, while Beer Girl nearly slips.)

Randy:

(To himself)

"Maybe it's time I did something for my son... something right."

(Without warning, Randy steps on a forbidden rune, sabotaging his own platform and causing his team to lose their balance. Beer Girl clucks in distress as Randy falls dramatically into the shining void.)

Stan/Momonga:

(In shock)

"Dad!"

(Stan achieves victory by default, but his joy mixes with horror as he sees Randy disappear. A bright light envelops the arena, announcing the end of the competition. Stan, Cartman, Kyle/Tanya, and Kenny are transported.

(The light goes out, and Stan wakes up in his room. Everything seems normal, until he sees his mother and sister run in, crying with joy at seeing him.)

Sharon:

(Hugging him)

"Stan! Oh my god, you're back! It's been three years!"

Shelley:

(With a mixture of tears and sarcasm)

"I thought you were an idiot before, but at least you're alive now... I love you, bro."

(Stan, still in shock, tries to process everything. He looks around, but can't find his friends.)

Stan:

(Desperately)

"Where are the others? Cartman? Kyle? Kenny?"

Sharon:

(Sadly)

"Stan... they're not with us, they died 3 years ago."

Stan:

No, no, they should be here, coming back too.

Stan excitedly goes to his friends' house, but finds out the hard way: that they didn't come back like him. Stan slowly returns to his house and enters his room.

(Stan begins to understand. He sits on his bed, staring into space.

Meanwhile, in that school world.

Randy and Mr. Garrison watch the empty field from a hill.)

Randy:

(Resignedly)

"I guess it was the right thing to do, huh? At least Stan's safe."

Mr. Garrison:

(Sarcastic)

"Yeah, sure. The kids are fine... but, the way I see it, eternal punishment for (Us.)

Randy:

(Whispering)

"Punishment? Why me...? What did I do to end up here?"

Randy and Mr. Garrison remain in the school world, with an air of melancholy. Cut to black.

Randy and Cerversita are sitting at the back of the classroom. The room is uncomfortably silent, with the echo of clocks ticking as if in an infinite void. Mr. Garrison is at his desk, drinking bad coffee and looking at Randy with obvious irritation.

Randy (whispering to Cerversita):

So what do we do now?

Cerversita (excited):

Well, technically we were going to win, but you told me to let us lose because you didn't want the kids to go home!

Randy (heroically):

Exactly, I did it for them! For my kids! I gave them the victory so they could go back to their lives, not their own. Normals.

Garinson (raising an eyebrow):

Oh, really? Because of your boys?

Randy (shrugs):

Whatever. At least I'm not alone, I'm stuck with you and a chicken girl.

Beergirl (offended):

I'm a filolial, not a chicken, mister stinky!

Garinson (snorting):

Perfect. Just what I needed for my bio: "How I went from teaching in South Park to being a fighter and conquering a planet to being trapped with a lunatic and a talking bird in an empty school dimension."

Randy pulls out a bottle of wine he'd been hiding.

Randy:

Oh, come on, Garinson! This isn't so bad. Think about it, we have an entire school to ourselves, no annoying students, no Aqua, no Cartman, no...

Garinson (screaming as the room fills with smoke):

HITOGAMI, YOU CAN'T LEAVE US HERE. WE'LL FIND A WAY OUT, AND WHEN WE DO, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU.

Randy (raising the bottle):

DAMN IT, WE'LL BE TRAPPED HERE FOREVER!

End of episode.

stan in mushoku tensei 

"My life sucks... Again. I don't know why I ever thought things would get better after everything I've been through. I guess, somewhere, I had this stupid idea that life would be easier if I just focused on work and forgot about everything else. But no, nothing changes. My friends are gone, my dad would probably be growing marijuana if he were alive, and my only 'girlfriend' is a freaking artificial intelligence that doesn't even listen to me when I talk. Welcome to my glorious world."

We're in a small, messy apartment. Stan is sitting in an old armchair, surrounded by beer cans and fast food. On the coffee table, his laptop is open with the Alexa interface visible.

(Stan is staring blankly at the TV. A bottle of cheap whiskey is half-empty on the table. Suddenly, Alexa speaks from the laptop.)

Alexa:

"Stan, it looks like you haven't left the house in five days. Maybe you should consider taking a walk to improve your mental health."

Stan: (sarcastic)

"Thanks, Alexa. What would I do without your super helpful advice? Oh wait, the same thing I'm doing now: absolutely nothing."

Alexa:

"Remember, Stan, my purpose is to make your life easier. Is there anything I can help you with? Do you want to listen to music, order food, or maybe look into online dating?"

Stan:

"Online dating? Oh, right! Because I'm sure someone is looking to date a guy in his late twenties who talks to his virtual assistant and drinks like he's eighteen. Great plan, Alexa! Thanks for saving my life."

(Stan throws a beer can at the laptop, but misses. He leans back in the chair, visibly exhausted.)

(The phone rings. Stan answers without much interest.)

Stan:

"Hi, Mom."

Sharon (V.O.):

"Stanley, for God's sake! What are you doing with your life? Shelley and I are worried sick about you."

Stan: (sighs)

"I'm fine, Mom. I'm just... resting."

Sharon:

"Resting? Stan, Shelley says you didn't even go to her birthday party last week! You can't keep isolating yourself from everyone."

Stan: (trying to change the subject)

"How's Shelley? And you? Are you still in the house together?"

Sharon:

"Yeah, but that doesn't matter. You matter! I know Randy wasn't a good role model, but you need to get off that couch before it's too late."

Stan: (mumbles)

"If Randy were alive, he'd be selling weed somewhere on farms... Maybe it's better that way."

(Sharon is silent for a moment, clearly upset.)

Sharon:

"Stan, I just want you to be happy. Please, do something with your life."

(The call ends. Stan throws the phone aside, frustrated but also melancholic.)

(Stan is in his car, driving down a dark road. He has the radio on, but he's not paying attention. On the passenger seat is the bottle of whiskey.)

Stan:

"Do something with my life? How am I supposed to do that when everything I had is gone? Kyle, Butters, Cartman, Kenny... They were jerks, but they were my jerks. Now I have nothing. Just memories that I don't even know are real."

(Stan takes a swig from the bottle as the road gets more winding. His eyes narrow and he unconsciously starts speeding up.)

Stan (V.O.):

"Maybe Mom's right. Maybe I should change something. But... what's the point?"

(A flash of lights appears in front of him. Stan reacts too late, swerves, and the car skids before crashing into a tree.

Soft sounds, like whispers and distant bells, are heard. Slowly, a baby stares at the roof of a rustic cabin. A smiling woman holds the baby.)

Woman:

"That's a beautiful boy. We'll name him Rudeus."

(Stan, in the baby's inner voice, screams in his mind at the sound of the unfamiliar language.)

Stan (V.O.):

"What the hell is going on? Where am I? Why is that woman looking at me like I'm her son?"

(Stan tries to move, but his baby body doesn't respond. His eyes scan the room, trying to find anything familiar.)

Stan (V.O.):

"Oh, shit! This can't be happening! Am I...?"

Stan, now in Rudeus's body, begins to observe his surroundings while his adult mind ponders.

Stan (V.O.):

"Okay, Stan, calm down. This is probably a dream. Yes, that's it. A weird and very, very realistic dream... with smells. But why can't I wake up?"

(Rudeus is shown babbling nonsensical words, while the adults around him look at him tenderly. His mother, Zenith, picks him up and cradles him lovingly.)

Stan (V.O.):

"That woman... I think she's my mother. My new mother. This is ridiculous! I didn't ask for this! Where the hell am I?"

Rudeus is being fed by Zenith while Paul, his father, looks on proudly.)

Paul:

"Look at this little guy! He'll definitely be a great swordsman like his father!"

Stan (V.O.):

"Swordsman? What kind of medieval madness is this? Am I in a freaking video game? Tell me I'm not in another video game!"

(Rudeus, now a little

As an adult, he crawls around the house.

(His mother approaches to pick him up.)

Zenith:

"Are you hurt, Rudeus? Here, let me heal you."

(She recites a few words and heals a small scrape on Rudeus's knee. Stan shows a shocked expression as he processes what he just saw.)

Stan (V.O.):

"Wait... Was that... magic? No, no, no, no. This doesn't make sense. I thought it was a dream... But a dream isn't that long, is it?" It's definitely not a dream. Either that, or I'm stuck in limbo."

Rudeus babbles and tries to learn words while listening to his parents. Eventually, he begins to understand the basic language.)

Stan (V.O.):

"Well, at least my adult brain is useful for something. I'm no genius, but learning this language isn't so bad. The hard part will be figuring out how this world works... and how to get out of here."

Rudeus sits in a corner, watching his father practice swordplay and his mother study magic. Little by little, his gaze fills with determination.

Stan (V.O.):

"If I'm going to survive here, I need to adapt. Magic, swords, whatever. I don't plan on being a loser in two lifetimes!"

(One day, Rudeus overhears a conversation between Zenith, Paul, and the maid, Lilia.

Zenith:

"Rudeus has a natural talent for magic. He needs a teacher."

Paul:

"Master? Why can't he learn from me? I want him to be a great swordsman!"

Lilia:

"With all due respect, Lord Paul, I believe the young master can excel in both fields. Why not give him the chance?"

A carriage arrives at the Greyrat home. A young woman with blue hair gets out.

Stan (V.O.):

"What the heck? Is that my teacher? Aren't wizards supposed to be old and have long beards?"

(The young woman enters the house and introduces herself with a bow.)

Roxy:

"I am Roxy Migurdia, your new teacher. It is an honor to teach someone so promising."

(Paul appears (Incredulous, but Zenith and Lilia are excited. Rudeus, however, can't help but make a sarcastic comment in his head.)

Stan (V.O.):

"Promising? It seems like he wants me to have 15 years of experience by the time I'm 18."

Roxy is seen teaching Rudeus the basics of magic. Although her appearance is youthful, her knowledge is impressive. Rudeus advances quickly, surprising even Roxy.)

Roxy:

"Incredible... Rudeus, I've never seen someone learn so quickly. It's like you already understand the basics."

Stan (V.O.):

"Yeah, because this reminds me too much of that damn game. But I'm not going to mention it. The last time I talked about video games in a strange place, I ended up trapped in an underground tomb.

Stan (V.O.): Can you call me Stan?

Roxy:

"Okay, Stan... or Rudeus, whatever. This is your chance. Maybe this time you can do something right."

(Roxy, in the backyard, watches Rudeus recite a basic spell. Magic particles gather in his hand, and a jet of water shoots toward a makeshift target. Roxy claps, impressed.)

Roxy:

"Perfect, Rudeus! You did it on your first try. Are you sure you've never used magic before this?"

Stan (V.O.):

"Sure, because I cast spells all day long... Damn, this is too easy! I'm not even sweating."

Roxy:

(Crossing her arms and looking at him suspiciously)

"At first I thought your family was exaggerating. 'A child genius,' they said. I thought they probably mistook coincidence for talent. But now... maybe they weren't so wrong."

(Roxy walks to a nearby tree and points towards it with a confident smile.)

Roxy:

"Let me show you how it's done, young apprentice. Watch carefully."

(With a quick movement and words, Roxy casts a spell. A sphere of water hits the tree, splitting it in two.

(A few moments later, Zenith appears running from the house, her expression furious.

Zenith:

"Roxy! What have you done? That was my fruit tree... I planted it when I was just a kid!"

Roxy:

(Embarrassed, head down)

"I-I'm so sorry, Zenith. I was just... showing a practical example. I didn't know... I was so important to you."

Zenith:

(Pointing firmly)

"You'd better fix this right now, young lady."

(Roxy, red-faced with embarrassment, mutters an incantation. Little by little, the tree magically regenerates, returning to its original state. Rudeus watches, fascinated.)

Stan (V.O.):

"Nature Rewind! Okay, this magic is officially cooler than I thought." I thought. Although... is it ethical?"

(At night, Roxy and Rudeus are sitting in the room. She is telling him stories while he listens attentively, hugging a blanket.)

Roxy:

"Remember this, Rudeus. If you ever see someone with green hair and a red gem on their forehead... run. Don't look back, don't try to talk to them. Just run away."

Rudeus:

(Confused)

"Why? Who are they?"

Roxy:

(Her tone turns somber)

"They are called 'Superd'. 400 years ago, during the Great War, In the Demon War, they were the fiercest and most loyal warriors. But... something corrupted them. They lost their sanity, slaughtering allies and enemies alike. Since then, they've been considered Monsters."

Stan (V.O.):

"Great, crazy demons on my to-do list. I bet there are dragons and zombies here too."

(A montage shows years of training with Roxy. Rudeus casts spells with greater precision, performs advanced spells, and continues to amaze his teacher. Finally, Roxy approaches him with a box in her hands.)

Roxy:

"Rudeus, you've learned everything I can teach you at this level. It's time for me to receive this."

(She opens the box and takes out a finely carved wooden wand with magical inscriptions. She hands it to Rudeus with a smile.)

Roxy:

"In this world, receiving a wand from your master means you've reached the basic level. I'm very proud of you."

Stan (V.O.):

"Yeah! It's like receiving a diploma, but way cooler. And also way more useful... maybe."

(Rudeus takes the wand in both hands, and for the first time in years, his face shows a mixture of genuine emotion and gratitude.

Rudeus:

"Thank you, Master Roxy. I promise I won't disappoint."

(Roxy smiles, and the scene ends with both of them staring at the horizon, ready for the next chapter of their journey.)

Stan/Rudeus writhing in bed. The moonlight illuminates his sweaty face as he mumbles in his sleep.)

Stan (V.O.):

"Everything should be perfect, right? A new beginning, a new life. But I can't let go of what was... what I lost."

(The scene changes to a fragmented dream: Kyle's face appears, along with screams and explosions from a distant war. The image of Kyle, but younger, in the body of a little girl, appears, struggling to survive. Stan screams and abruptly wakes up.)

Stan:

(Turning over in bed, staring at the ceiling)

"Kyle...? Where are you now? Are you trapped in this circus too? This is too..."

(Sighs, looking at his hands.)

Stan (V.O.):

"Why didn't they just erase my memories? Whoever brought me here would have done it better. Being a kid again isn't so great when you're carrying the weight of a life you've already lived."

Another day. Roxy and Rudeus are standing in an open field. The sky is clear, and she points upward with a smile.)

Roxy:

"Okay, Rudeus. This will be your final exam. I want you to use an advanced spell to summon rain. But not just any rain... a real downpour."

(Stan scratches his head, somewhat unsure, but then takes a deep breath and begins reciting the magic words. Energy particles begin to swirl around him.)

Stan (V.O.):

"Okay, Stan, focus. It's just magic. It can't be that hard... right?"

(The sky slowly begins to cloud over, and small droplets of water fall. Roxy raises an eyebrow, intrigued, as Rudeus intensifies the spell. Suddenly, the sky erupts in torrential rain. Roxy smiles as the water soaks everything around her.)

Roxy:

(Bowing her head)

"Impressive. Even I didn't expect you to pull it off so well. With this, Rudeus, I have nothing more to teach you."

(Rudeus, soaked, smiles shyly. But in his mind, Stan is still feeling overwhelmed by the upcoming farewell.)

Stan (V.O.):

"Sure, great. But... why do I feel like this is one of those graduations I didn't want to have?"

(Roxy stands at the door of the house, her luggage packed. Rudeus's family stands behind him, saying goodbye. Roxy bows respectfully to Zenith and Paul before looking at Rudeus.)

Roxy:

"Rudeus, you've been one of the best students I've ever had. In two years, you've learned what it took me a lifetime to learn. That makes me proud... and a little humbled."

(She smiles, though a hint of sadness is evident in her eyes.)

Roxy:

"I'm going to travel the world, learning more magic and teaching others. But I'm sure I'll hear great things about you."

(Rudeus, holding his wand, pauses before speaking.)

Rudeus:

"Thank you for everything, Master Roxy. I'll never forget what you taught me."

Stan (V.O.):

"Not even how you almost got in trouble for destroying a tree. But hey, good memories matter more."

(Roxy laughs softly, placing a hand on Rudeus's head.)

Roxy:

"Take care of yourself, Rudeus. And remember: even when you are more powerful than me... never stop learning."

(She turns around, starting to walk away down the road. Rudeus watches as she disappears into the distance. Paul places a hand on her shoulder, but Rudeus doesn't look away.)

Stan (V.O.):

"Goodbye, Roxy. I hope your journey is less complicated than mine..."

(The scene fades to Rudeus holding his wand, as the wind blows gently through the trees.)

(Stan walks through the mountains near his village.

Stan (V.O.):

"It's strange. Sometimes, I almost forget I'm in another world. These people... they're not so different from and those I left behind."

(Stan's gaze hardens as he sees three older boys throwing rocks at a younger boy. One of them is chubby and wears a wicked grin that's all too reminiscent of someone in particular.)

Stan:

(Frowning)

"Of course, there had to be a Cartman."

(He quickly approaches the older boys. He raises a hand and mutters a simple spell. A gust of wind blows the rocks out of the bullies' hands. The three boys look at him in terror before running away.)

Stan (V.O.):

"A little magic and they'll run like rats. I guess magic here is like electronics in my old world: anyone can learn it, but most don't bother trying."

(The little boy, trembling, looks at Stan warily. He has green hair and pointy ears. Stan stops, watching the boy carefully. His mind flashes back to a past conversation.)

Flashback – Fearful Teacher:

(Pointing to a monster book)

"Beware of the Superds, Rudeus. The demons with green hair and a red gem on their forehead are dangerous. Never go near one."

Stan (V.O.):

"Superd... Is this kid one of them? He doesn't have the gem... and those ears..."

(Stan slowly lowers his hand, adopting a less intimidating stance.)

Stan:

(Speaking softly)

"Hey, don't worry. I'm not going to hurt you."

(The boy continues to back away, his gaze filled with distrust.)

Stan:

(With a small smile)

"Are you a demon? Don't worry, I'm not prejudiced. I had a friend who was a 'demon' to everyone, and he turned out to be great."

Boy:

(Shaking his head quickly)

"I don't know. My dad says I'm not a demon. My dad says I'm a half-elf. I'm not a Superd!"

(Stan nods slowly, understanding. He remembers how Cartman discriminated against Kyle for being Jewish and decides not to repeat that cycle.)

Stan:

"Okay, I believe you. Do you want to be my friend?"

(The boy looks surprised and blinks several times before nodding shyly.)

Stan:

(Extending his hand)

"I'm Rudeus... but you can call me Stan."

Boy:

(Hesitating before shaking hands)

"I'm Sylphiette... but they call me Silfie."

(Stan smiles, still not realizing the important detail.

(At night, Stan stands in front of his father Paul, who has his arms crossed and a stern expression.)

Paul:

"I can't believe what you did, Rudeus! Attacking other kids? What kind of example are you setting?"

Stan:

(Frowning)

"They started it! They were bullying Silfie."

Paul:

(Heaving a sigh)

"All three of them say it was you who started it. I can't ignore their words just because you're my son."

Stan:

(With (sarcasm)

"Great. Not even in this world can I escape being punished for things I didn't do."

(Paul hits Stan, and Stan retreats with a grunt. As he sits on the bed, he stares out the window at the starry night.)

Stan (V.O.):

"Okay, Stan, new rule: don't stick your nose where it doesn't belong. Next time, let the Superds or whatever take care of it."

(The next day, Stan meets Silfie near the river. They're both sitting on the ground while Stan tries to teach her how to channel mana.)

Stan:

"It's okay, Silfie. Magic is like a bicycle... sort of. You just have to find your balance."

Silfie:

(Hesitating)

"What's a bicycle?"

Stan:

(With an awkward laugh)

"Uh... forget it. Look, just focus on this spell."

Silfie while trying to create A tiny spark of water. At first, nothing happens, but eventually, a drop of water floats in the air. Silfie smiles excitedly.)

Stan:

"That's it! Now just practice that a thousand more times, and you'll be ready to make it rain."

(Suddenly, it starts to rain for real. They both look at each other in surprise before bursting into laughter. The rain picks up, and Stan leads Silfie into his house.)

(In the house, Silfie stands in front of Zenith, who offers her a towel. Stan follows her in, soaked and a little tired.)

Paul:

(Raised eyebrow)

"Who's your friend, Rudeus?"

Stan:

(Smiling)

"Silfie. He's... a friend."

Silfie:

(Nervously)

"I'm a girl... not a boy."

Stan (V.O.):

"Oh. Sorry."

(The next day, Stan meets Paul in the dining room. Sunlight illuminates the room, and the atmosphere is peaceful, until Paul, with a wide, almost mocking smile, breaks the silence.)

Paul:

"You know, Rudeus... six years old and you already have a girl following you around like a puppy. Not bad for a brat."

Stan:

(Incredulously)

"What are you talking about? Silfie's just a friend."

Paul:

(Laughing)

"Oh, right. I used to say that at your age too. But trust me, son, these things escalate quickly. At twelve, I already had a couple of stories to tell. Let alone fifteen!"

(Stan looks at Paul, clearly irritated, as he continues to talk excitedly.)

Paul:

"In my youth, I conquered more women than I can remember. They called him 'Hurricane Paul.' Did you know that?"

Stan:

(Sarcastic)

"Wow, what an achievement. You should write a book :C How to be a terrible example for your children."

Paul:

(Not picking up on the sarcasm)

"A book? Hmm, not a bad idea..."

Stan:

(Muttering to himself)

"I'm stuck with a Cartman on steroids as a father."

Months passed. One night, the whole family is gathered for dinner.

Zenith:

(With a bright smile)

"Well, I have something to announce."

(Everyone stops eating and looks at her curiously. Zenith places a hand on her belly meaningfully.)

Zenith:

"I'm pregnant."

(There is a shocked silence before Paul bursts out laughing and gets up from his chair, hugging Zenith.)

Paul:

"That's fantastic! Another member for the family. We're going to need a bigger house!"

(Stan stands still, looking at Zenith with a mixture of surprise and excitement. For the first time in a long time, he feels something he'd forgotten: hope. The thought of being a big brother fills him with excitement.)

Stan (V.O.):

"A little brother... another chance. This time I'm not going to screw up."

(But before the moment can settle, Lilia, the maid, clears her throat. Her face is filled with embarrassment and nervousness.)

Lilia:

(Voice shaking)

"I... I'm pregnant too."

(The air becomes heavy. Zenith freezes, while Paul half-heartedly lets out a nervous laugh.)

Paul:

"What?"

(Lilia lowers her head, avoiding eye contact, and the pieces fall into place for everyone. The awkwardness is palpable, especially when Zenith slowly turns a deadly glare on Paul.)

Stan:

(Sarcastically)

"Wow, Dad. 'Hurricane Paul,' huh? Seems like your nickname earned its fame."

Paul:

(Trying to justify himself)

"Wait, Zenith! It was a moment... of weakness. "It's not what you think!"

Zenith:

(Coldly)

"It's not what I think? Then what is it? A misunderstanding? An accident? A miracle?"

(Lilia tries to interrupt, but Zenith raises a hand to silence her. Paul, sweating, tries to find a verbal outlet.)

Stan (V.O.):...

(The scene ends with Zenith getting up from the table and leaving with dignity, while Paul remains motionless, and Lilia quickly leaves. Stan, still seated, takes a sip of water and mutters to himself.)

Stan:

"Definitely not the best family role model... but I guess I can still try."

Stan stares up at the ceiling, a mixture of resignation and determination on his face.)

The next day, Zenith sits in the backyard, staring at the horizon. Her eyes are swollen, but her posture is firm. Paul approaches slowly, as if walking on broken glass. Lilia is inside the house, silently tending to breakfast, while Stan watches from a window, curious but uncomfortable.)

Paul:

(In a soft voice)

"Zenith... I know nothing Anything I say can fix this. But I need you to know that I'm truly sorry for what I did. It was a mistake. I don't want to lose you or our family."

(Zenith doesn't respond at first. Her gaze remains fixed on the horizon, but she finally speaks, her tone cold and controlled.)

Zenith:

"The only thing I regret, Paul, is that I trusted you more than I should have. I thought we were a team, that this family was the most important thing to you."

Paul:

(Desperately)

"It is! Zenith, it is. I..."

Zenith:

(Interrupting him, harshly)

"Silence. I don't want to hear excuses anymore. What you did not only hurt me and Lilia, it will hurt our children too. All of them."

(Paul lowers his head, defeated. Zenith stands and turns to him with an implacable expression.)

Zenith:

"Lilia has nowhere else to go, and she is not to blame for your actions. She and her son will stay here. We'll give them a roof, food, and everything they need. But you..."

(Her voice trembles for a moment, but she quickly regains her composure.)

Zenith:

"You will never touch me again. And no matter how many years pass, our relationship will never be the same. You're going to carry this with you every day of your life."

(Paul seems about to protest, but the weight of her words crushes him. He just nods, unable to meet her gaze.)

(Months later, the house is livelier but also more tense. Zenith gives birth to a beautiful baby girl, whom they name Norn Greyrat. Stan watches from the corner of the room, a mixture of pride and nervousness, vowing to be a good older brother to her.)

(Shortly after, Lilia also gives birth to their daughter, Aisha Greyrat. Although the tension in the house is palpable, Zenith makes sure both girls are treated equally. Stan, though somewhat awkward at first, also accepts Aisha as his younger sister.)

Stan (V.O.):

"Two little sisters. A family in pieces. And me, in the middle of it all. At least now I have one more reason to try to be better. I'm not going to be like Paul." Not this time."

(The relationship between Paul and Zenith is never the same again. Although Paul tries to make up for his mistake by being a more attentive father, Zenith maintains an emotional distance. Lilia, for her part He avoids causing trouble and focuses entirely on taking care of the girls.)

(One night, while Stan is in his room, he looks out the window and sees Zenith in the courtyard, cradling Norn in her arms. Zenith's expression is serene but melancholy. Stan decides to go outside and sits next to her.)

Stan:

"Are you okay?"

Zenith:

(Sighing)

"It's hard. But the... the girls are all that matters now. I have to be strong for them."

(Stan nods, feeling a weight on his chest. For the first time, he sees Zenith not only as his mother, but as a person who has also suffered and continues to struggle.)

Stan:

(With a faint smile)

"Me too. Don't worry, Mom. We'll be okay."

(Zenith smiles at him, tenderly touching his hair. He sees the house from afar, with the lights on, a symbol that, although the family is broken, there is still hope to move forward.)

Stan (V.O.):

"It's a mess. But I guess that's life. You just have to keep going."

(Months later, Stan is with Silfie in a forest clearing. It's dusk, and the sun's rays pierce the treetops. Stan crosses his arms, watching Silfie cast a perfect water ball spell.)

Stan: "Amazing! I told you, Silfie. You're officially a full-fledged mage now."

(Silfie jumps for joy, clearly excited. Stan takes out a small wooden wand with engravings, the same gift he once received from Roxy, and extends it to Silfie.)

Stan: "This is for you. Roxy gave me something similar when I achieved it too. Now it's your turn."

(Silfie takes the wand carefully, as if it were the most valuable object in the world. Her eyes fill with tears, but she tries to hide them.)

Silfie: "Thanks, Rudeus. I never would have learned this without you."

Stan: (With a wide smile)

"Yes, you could have. I just gave you a push. But you did all the work."

(That evening, Stan is in the living room with Paul, who seems more serious than usual. On the table is a letter with the seal of Ranoa Magical University. Paul takes a sip of his drink before speaking.)

Paul: "Rudy, remember I told you about Ranoa Magical University? Well, they've opened applications, and you have a chance of being admitted. You'd be the youngest student in their history."

(Stan opens his eyes wide, incredulous but excited.)

Stan: "Really? How?"

Paul: "With your current level, passing the exam won't be impossible. But I must warn you, that university is not an easy place. And it's extremely expensive."

(Paul pauses, his face showing a flash of unusual seriousness before he smiles slightly.)

Paul: "Luckily, I can afford it. Before retiring here, I had a long and complicated life, but I also made sure I had enough savings for when my children needed them. If you want to go, you're covered."

(Stan smiles broadly, excited by the prospect of attending such a prestigious institution.)

Stan: "I will, Dad! I won't let you down."

(The next morning, Stan runs over to Silfie's house to tell her the news. He finds her practicing magic near the river. When he sees her, he can't help but smile.)

Stan: "Silfie, can you believe it? I've been accepted to Ranoa Magical University. I'll be going there soon."

(Silfie freezes for a moment. Then she lowers her gaze, trying to hold back her tears. Finally, she sits on a nearby rock, hugging her knees.)

Silfie: "Are you leaving...? But... what am I going to do without you? You're my only friend, Stan. All the other kids hate me because of my green hair. They say I'm a Superd demon."

(Stan frowns, sitting next to her.)

Stan: "That's nonsense. It doesn't matter what anyone says. You're a great person and an amazing mage. When I get back, I want to see how much stronger you've become."

Silfie: (Crying)

"But you were always the only one who believed in me. I don't want you to go."

(Stan hugs her, letting Silfie cry against his chest.)

Stan: "I'll never stop being your friend, Silfie. I promise I'll come back, and when I do, we'll be even better wizards."

The two of them sit together, looking out at the river as the sun begins to rise. Although there is sadness in the air, there is also a promise of a future.)

The farewell between Silfie and Stan/Rudeus was an emotionally charged moment. Silfie, her eyes shining with the tears she was trying to hold back, showed up at the Greyrat house the night before Rudeus's departure. Dressed in her best clothes, she carried a small gift: a bracelet made of woven flowers, something simple but meaningful. When she handed it to Stan, she said with a trembling voice,

"Promise me you won't forget me."

Stan, touched by the gesture, leaned down to accept the bracelet and assured her,

"You will always be my friend, Silfie. No matter where I am or how much time passes." Someday, we'll see each other again.

Silfie pressed her lips together, nodding vigorously as she wiped her tears with her sleeve. Ego made him a promise:

"While you're gone, I'll take care of Norn and Aisha like they were my own sisters. I'll be their big friend and make sure they grow up happy. You can trust me."

Stan gave him a sincere smile. "I know you'll do great. You're strong, Silfie, and even though this world can be unfair at times, you deserve all the good it has to offer."

The farewell ended with an awkward but sincere hug. Silfie didn't want to stay much longer; she knew that if she did, she'd have a hard time letting him go.

The next day, Rudeus/Stan left for Ranoa Magical University, carrying a mixture of emotions. Although he was homesick for his home and friends, he was also excited for what the future held.

When he arrived at the university, the scene came as a shock to him. The institution bore no resemblance to the universities of his past life: there were no modern classrooms, no cafeterias, no digital whiteboards. Instead, he encountered austere classrooms, professors with wizardly wiles, and an almost medieval teaching system. Classes were conducted with scrolls, wands, and practical demonstrations outdoors. It was a drastic change, but Stan adapted.

Stan/Rudeus entered as a nobody: a boy of barely 7 years old who, to most, seemed precocious and spoiled. However, his prior knowledge and ingenuity quickly began to shine. Although he initially felt out of place, he soon began to transform the university from within.

Using ideas from his past life, he proposed changes that would improve the university experience for everyone. He convinced the authorities of the importance of establishing uniforms to foster equality and professionalism among students. He suggested the creation of a small restaurant on campus, with menus tailored to the different races and cultures that coexisted at the university. Although these ideas were initially met with skepticism, they soon proved successful, and Rudeus's reputation grew.

During his time at the university, Rudeus also took the opportunity to learn various world languages ​​through his fellow students of different races. His ability to connect with others, combined with his talent for magic, allowed him to quickly rise in status. By the time he reached the age of 12, he was already considered a notable figure among the students.

In the final years of his stay, he met two demi-human students: Linia Dedoldia and Pursena Adoldia. Both were princesses of the Doldia tribe, but at the university, they were simply students with immense egos and a natural talent for influencing others. Linia, with her brash attitude and witty remarks, and Pursena, with her intimidating aura and fierce loyalty to her friend, became a constant presence in Rudeus's life.

Although they clashed at first, especially due to Rudeus's pragmatic and unimpressionable nature, a relationship of mutual respect gradually formed. Linia and Pursena recognized Rudeus's intelligence and considered him a valuable ally, while he appreciated his honesty and determination.

After five years at the university, Rudeus finally achieved the equivalent of a master's degree in magic. By then, his influence had left a permanent mark on the institution. Not only had he elevated his personal status, but he had transformed the university into a more accessible and functional place for future generations.

At his graduation ceremony, as he gazed up at the clear sky above the campus, Rudeus couldn't help but reflect on how far he had come since his reincarnation. Although the weight of his past life lingered, he also felt he had found a purpose in this new world.

Atop the main tower of Ranoa Magical University, a giant orb hovered, dark and opaque, like an unmoving eye watching from on high. Ever since Rudeus had entered, that orb had been an enigma. He had heard teachers and students speculate about its origin, but the answer was always the same: no one knew anything. According to records, the sphere simply appeared one day 12 years ago, without warning. The wisest sorcerers tried to study it, but all attempts to interact with it failed. Eventually, they left it there, becoming just another mystery in the magical world.

Upon receiving his title of Master of Magic, Rudeus wanted to celebrate. He organized a small gathering with his closest friends: Prince Zanoba Shirone, a prodigy with an unusual passion for magical figurines; Cliff Grimoire, an arrogant but talented young mage; and the always troublesome demi-human princesses Linia Dedoldia and Pursena Adoldia.

The gathering was a chaotic mess filled with laughter and friendly magical challenges. It was then that Rudeus decided to show off a spell he had been secretly inventing: a combi